Final Destiny
by yebit
Summary: Edward leaves in New Moon and Bella breaks down, a couple of month later Jasper comes back He tries to take care of the mess Edward left behind. But Bella wouldn t be Bella without her danger magnet. Laurent, Victoria, werwolves volturis and a new destiny
1. Chapter 1

I don`t own Twilight

**Authors Note:**

**The first paragraph is a summary of the things that happened after the Cullens left. I didn`t know how to write it better, but it is important to know and understand the following situation.**

_They had gone to the Denali-Clan first but for Edwards and Jaspers depression weren't able to stay there for long. Edward was a mess after leaving his love and Jasper felt responsible for it. On top of it the guilt tortured his mind for attacking Bella in the first place and second what pain and hurt it had brought with it. Of course no one really told him that but he could feel the disappointment Carlisle and everyone even Alice had._

_So he and Edward somehow are in a vicious circle. Since he is not only depressed himself but also can feel the sad and depressing feelings of the others mostly Edwards he isn't really able to keep it together and calm down. Therefore his negative vibes flows around to the others and make them even more depressed._

_The Denalis can't take it any longer and ask Carlisle to go. They feel bad about it of course but they just can't stand the tension any more. So the Cullens leave making Jasper even worse since he now has more to blame on him._

_Jasper becomes more and more a loner like Edward especially after he feels Edward starting to blame Jasper for what happens. But the worst is that he feels Alice distancing herself more and more from him. She spends less and less time with him and he can feel her feelings for him changing. First he thinks it is because his depression and the negative vibes he sents to everyone that is around him but one day he stumbles over discussion Alice has with Edward and discovers the truce._

_Everyone besides the three of them had gone to a hunting trip and Jasper had just come home from a long walk in the woods when he could hear them talk._

_He could hear Alice trying to smooth Edwards mood and Edwards anger. He is surprised by that because normally the only emotion he has is pain and blame and like they say, curiousity kills the cat. In this case, Jasper._

_That where the story startes._

* * *

"I just can't understand what his problem is!" Edwards snarled.

"It is just hard for him considering his former life!" Alice tries to explain.

"But that's just it! It had been over 40 years now, Alice! It shouldn't be so hard any more!"

"You know he tries, Edward, you have to give him some credit!"

"Giving him credit?" He shouts his voice dropping with anger. "He nearly killed her! It was just one drop and he launched for her without hesitation! If I wouldn't have been able to read his thoughts he would have ripped her in pieces before any of us could have done anything! Even you didn't see it coming!"

Another wave of blame and depression rolled over him and he couldn't compose if it was his own or came from them.

"You know he is sorry! He truly suffers you know that! Everyone does!"

"Yeah, he should be! I can't understand how he even is able to show his face!"

"It's not like he would do that a lot, Edward! He keeps to himself the way you do more and more! He punishes himself!"

"He deserves to be punished! I can't understand how all of you just go on and forgive him again and again!"

Another wave of indefinable feelings hit Jasper and he knew they came from Alice but he couldn't read them any more. Alice feelings have been more and more confusing and difficult to read the last months. It bothers him not to know what was going on with his mate. All he hoped that time will change it again.

"You have to stop beating yourselves up about what happened! It was not your fault, Edward! I hate seeing you like this! It hurts me, too, you know!"

Her voice was full of compassion and love and it hurted him to feel her emotions directed at Edward. But he was her brother after all and Alice always had felt a great deal about him so he pushed his jealousy aside.

"I loved her Alice! Without her it is like I lost my purpose in life!"

Ok, this was unexpected and there was no confusion in her emotions. Alice felt jealous and hurt by his statement.

"I am alone again!" Edward stated.

"No you are not!" He could feel her debating with herself before she continued. "We are all here for you! I am here for you!"

There was hope in the room. Hope and something else, love. And it was not in a brotherly way. It came from both of them even so Edwards still was clouded. Jasper started to get angry.

`What was going on?`

"We could be like we were before she came along!"

"What about Jasper?"

`Yeah, what about me?` Jasper screamed inside. Suddenly a wave of awareness hit him from Edward.

`Shit, he had heard my thoughts.` But he reckon what came next. A wave of hate, blame and cruelness hit him and he could feel the wish of revenge lingering in the air.

"Jasper was there before, too! He is still part of the family!" Alice voice cut through him like knives.

He could hear Edwards snarl towards him.

`Was he doing this on purpose? Did he want me to hear?`

"Family? You don't put your family through so much pain again and again if you truly feel that way! So he feels sorry for what he did, but he inflicts it on all of us too! He isn't even able to control his power any more! Look what he is causing this family besides his numerously blunders!"

Jasper was sure now that Edward was speaking more to him than to Alice. He manipulated the situation hoping to hurt him. But Jasper couldn't move. He needed to know what was going on needed to hear Alice's reaction and he had the feeling he wouldn't if he didn't stay put. And Edward seemed to know and count on that. Did he hate him that much?

He could feel Alice was torn inside. She fought to come to a decision but it apparently was quite hard for her.

`At least something`

"He makes everything even harder by his staying, Alice! I need you to get over this and I know you do feel the same way. And I cant stand this any more! He rips our family apart, he rips us apart and I think" Edward hesitated for a second but Jasper knew it wasn't real, he was playing.

"I think he should leave. It would be the best for all of us!"

There was a shock and he could feel Alice struggle but it didn't take long, not quite as long as he would have wished before there was defeat and surrender.

"Maybe!"

Her voice was just a whisper but it hit him full force. He could feel his hearth shutter under it. Could feel an endless wave of pain and betrayal rip through his body and tear him apart. Of course he had sensed that something was up with Alice, that something had changed between them, but he had always thought they would get over it. Always believed and trusted in her. What an idiot he had been.

"But you know Carlisle and Esme wouldn't …"

He wasn't able to restrain himself any longer. Wasn't capable to listen to any more. Before Alice could finish her sentence the door was crashed open by him revealing one shocked and one expected face.

"Don't bother with the others! I'll make it easy for you!" His voice revealed the pain he was in and he hated himself for it.

He could feel Edward was pleased with the situation and if Jasper wouldn't be completely broken by his wife's betrayal he would have probably ripped him in pieces.

"Jasper.." Alice voice was ashamed and defeated.

"Since when?"

Her gaze dropped to the floor and shame and sorrow poured out of her.

"Tell me!" He commanded. "You could at least be honest with me now!"

"Since you two joined us!" Edward finally revealed. Alice shot him an angry look but Edward whipped it away.

"He deserves to know Alice!"

`Right, as if you would care` He spat at him in his mind but Edward just shrug his shoulders.

"What about Bella? I thought you loved her?!"

"Don't you dare talk about her!" Edward hissed at him.

"So what, you two had a fall out? Took some time apart? And then she came along? Did you use her to make her jealous?" Jasper nodded at Alice disgusted. She wasn't even able to look at him. But Edward jumped to his feet furious!

"Leave her out of this! Not that it would be any of your business anyway!" He hissed and Jasper could sense the anger leaping off him.

"I do love her! This.." He pointed between Alice and himself "this is different! Bella was my life, she still is! I never betrayed or lied to her!"

`Like my wife did with me?` He couldn't control his bitterness but he felt that Edward was honest when it came to Bella. He truly had loved her, did it still. So what was the deal with the two of them? Had it be a fling, was it just sex? He didn't understand it, but did it really matter? Alice hurt and jealousy caught up with him again and he snarled.

"Does it hurt hearing him talk about her this way?"

She winced at his cruel words.

"Jasper, please understand…."

"Keep it Alice! I don't want to hear anything from you!"

"I do love you, but.."

"I said keep it!" Jasper snarled at her vicious. He could smell Alice fear and hurt but didn't care and snorted towards her.

"Have a nice life!" He finally told them bitter. "And don't you dare to use your power! I don't want anything to do with you in any way!" With that he turned around and left. There was nothing here for him any more.

* * *

The next days were just a blur for Jasper. He drove around in his car without destination and didn't so much as acknowledge his surroundings. He had stopped a few times to hunt but besides that he just drove letting his depression, hurt and some times anger get the better of him.

`How could I have been so stupid? How could I haven`t ever realized it? I am an empath for gods sake! My power is to feel and read emotions how could I never even suspect something like that? And what has "that" been anyway?`

He knew Alice had loved him, maybe not so strong like he had her, he always had known that but it had been enough for him. She had been his mate and he hers and he would have done anything for her to keep her.

`Would it be enough again?`

He asked himself but shrugged it away.

`Pathetic!`

`She betrayed you! She lied to you the whole time sneaking behind your back! How could you ever trust her again! And with your brother of all people!`

` Well, a brother you wouldn't have without her!`

His mind argued back.

He thought about his life he had before her and how much it had changed the second she came into it. She had given him a purpose, had given him a home and a family! Had given him love, something and someone to love! She had given him hope!

What would he do without her now? Without all of them? And how would he be able to keep to this way of life without them restraining him without their help?

`No, stop it! Don't you dare crawl back to her after what she had done!`

Jasper needed to think. He needed to get some perspective again, needed to work out some issues first.

He hit the breaks and brought his car to a stop on the side of the road. Letting his head fall back in his seat he took a deep breath.

Where should he go to now? Maybe he should find out where he was first. He looked around and somehow recognized the region. He had been here before.

Then a red truck fell into his eyes.

Oh, yes, he knew this truck and he defiantly knew the scenery. There weren't much people who drove a truck like that. In fact, he doubted there were any who did any more. After all he was always surprised that it was still working. The mechanic who had kept it going must be quite a professional.

But what was she doing here? In the woods? Probably alone? He doubted this would be safe especially considering her amazing talent to attracted danger and accidents.

Before he realized what he was doing he had stepped outside and followed her scent.


	2. Chapter 2

_Meanwhile in Bellas life_

Bellas life was a mess. In fact "mess" would still be too good to describe it. "Non existent" would probably be better because you actually need to live to generally call it a life. And living was far from what she was doing these days. "Going through the motions" maybe - "existing" probably but definitely not living. She had stopped living the second he had left as if he had taken her live with him.

Pretty ironic for an outstander if you think about it considering he had left to actually keep her alive and not take her life away.

But she didn`t know that and if she would, she probably wouldn`t care.

There wasn`t much she cared about anymore. Caring would require to feel anything, to have feelings left in you and this was a luxury she didn`t allow herself to have.

Call it self-preservation because if she would allow herself to still feel, the pain would eat her up inside. No, feeling was out of the question. Also was thinking or remembering or any other activity she had done with him. Because, if she would do any stuff she used to do with him, it would lead to remember him or think about him which would lead straight to the feeling part and back to the pain.

But, since she used to do mostly everything in her live with him before he left, there wasn`t really much for her to do, so mostly she just sat in her room and read or made home work or stared blankly out of the window without any brain activity at all.

She had thought, maybe with time things would become easier, she would start to forget like he promised but, that didn`t happen.

In fact it was as if the pain got stronger and stronger every day she was apart from him. Maybe it was because every day she lived was a day she got older. Something he never would. Everyday was a day that parted her more from the last thing she had left of him. The same age.

She couldn`t bare it any longer.

The pain in the first weeks was so strong that she had completely shot down. Her mind and body had tried the only thing possible to shield her from the enormous torture that came from him leaving. She became catatonic.

She hadn`t spoken, hadn`t even moved or eaten nor was she able to form one clear thought at all. She just layed in her bed completely miserable.

She wasn`t even aware of her suroundings. She had felt Charlie sitting next to her trying to reason with her, but she couldn`t hear him. Her mind was gone.

She had woken up in a hospital 4 weeks later. She hadn`t even realized that the time had moved on so far.

Charlie had been sitting next to her and so was her mother. They had explained to her that her body had broken down not only in a mental way but because she hadn`t eaten and drank enough physically too.

They had told her, that if she wouldn`t snap out of it, she would either go with Renee or stay in hospital.

That had shocked her.

She didn`t want to leave. She needed to stay in Forks, still hoping for him to come back even if she knew better. But even if he didn`t she couldn`t leave the only place that hold her memories of him.

So she begged.

Begged her mother to let her stay. Begged Charly to give her another chance. Told them that she would be better, that she was sorry and realized her actions were stupid and that she would do everything in her power to get over it.

They believed her.

Probably because they were afraid that she would break down even more if they didn`t let her stay.

And she kept her promise. She got better, at least on the outside. She started to eat again, slowly and still not the amount she should. But it was enough for her body to recover.

She had started to go to school again, do her homework and make dinner for Charly.

But, she wasn`t better not one bit and eyerone around her knew it.

That was why they kept away from her.

Angela, the kind soul she was, of course did everything she could to at least made school endurable. She tried to keep her mind off the whispers and the gossips everyone else talked about when she so much as entered a room or came in sight.

Jessica and Lauren was the worst. Constantly making fun out of her and of the Cullens leaving her. Her favourit theory was that she probably didn`t gave `ìt`up for him or, wasn`t `any good`, because there would be no way that someone like Edward, the god like creature he was, would be interested in the plain, clumsy girl she is.

And they were right.

Not with the `it`part of course, but with the one that she wasn`t worth it. Wasn`t that what he had told her in other words after all?!

So she kept going through the motions hour for hour, day for day.

An empty shell, with nothing left inside, nothing even close to the person she was. She was a zomby and the only time she actually felt something was when she fell asleep. She couldn`t control her emotions than. couldn`t block them. The second her eyes closed her wall broke down leading her to endless torturing nightmares where he left her again and again, spat all those cruel word to her, laughed in her face or showed her different women he was with now, women that were worth of him. Women that she wouldn`t even come close to in any way.

The loss of sleep had worn her out only more. Charly was used already to her waking up screaming and crying at least twice a night but he led her be. And she was grateful for it. She barely spoke with him only when he adressed her but she managed to let him believe she would get better, that she already does, in tiny steps and that she just needed time.

He had gone on a fishing trip for the weekend. It was the first time in 4 month he would be gone for the whole weekend and it took her a week to talk him into it and that she would be `just fine`.

Her favourite words. `I am fine`

He had finally agreed under the condition that she would spent some time with Jacob.

Jacob had been coming over to spent some time with her more often in the past 2 month. She could only guess that Charly and Billy had their hands in this but she didn`t say anything. She liked Jacob he was a good person and a great friend and she was sure if she wouldn`t be in this state she would enjoy his company a lot more. But Jacob was patient and tried everything to lighten her mood and she couldn`t say no to him.

Today she would so. Today she couldn`t pretend.

The last night had been excrutional. She hadn`t found sleep for more than 2 hours and even they had been anything else but comfortable!

No, she couldn`t deal with Jacob today, she needed to get out! Out of this house, out of the town, anywhere but away. She hadn`t even had a plan nor realized what she was doing when she found herself behind her wheels driving around.

Then a picture flooded her mind and burned itself into it. It was the picture of her meadow. The place were she had seen him in the sunlight for the first time and many times after that. She weeled around.

Today she would let herself remember. And this would be the perfect place to do so.

2 hours later she finally had made her way to their meadow. She was surprised she had found it, and was still able to walk that is. She had stumbled and tripped constantly on her way but now she was here and it was all worth it. Or so she thought.

She had nearly broken down by the first sight of it. Been able to repress all memories of him most of the time they now came rushing through her with an unstoppable forth like a train.

Barly making it to the center on her feet she finally broke down in tears. Moarning his name again and again she let everything go. The pain was unbarable hot tears streamed down her face like acid when his last words repeated theirselfs in her head.

Then the good memories returned but they didn`t make it easier for her either.

She had laid like this for an eternity, or at least it felt this way. Her tears had stopped long ago. There just weren`t any left anymore, but the pain had remaind.

Then a sound drang to her ear and she froze. She was far away from a trail and the footsteps she could make out in the north startled her. Who could be here? A flicker of hope rose in her.

`Edward`

Maybe he had come back for her. Maybe he missed me the same way I missed him.

`Stuppid bint! Remember what he said! Why should he come back?`

Her brain leached out at her. She had really gotten good at that.

Nevertheless someone was here with her and by the fear raising in her chest and the hairs that started to stand up at her neck she had the feeling that it wouldn`t be a pleasant visitor.

A figure came in her view. One that moved quite fast. Faster than a human could. And suddenly it stood still. Motionless like a statur and she knew only of one species who would be able to do so.

`Vampire` it screamed in her head.

But then came recognition. She knew that vampire. She had meet him before under not so pleasant circumstances. He was the other male that was with James.

"Laurent?"

Her voice was clearly marked with her surprise and recognition.

"Bella?" His voice hold the same surprise then hers.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were with the Denalis in Alaska!"

She wondered. She could clearly remember them talking about that and that He had joined them and even kinda mated with one of them.

`What was he doing here?`

" I was, I am surprised you know! But I left them! Sometimes even Vampires part. You should know that!"

He grinned over his own comment and I felt another wave of pain ripping through me. Pain and fear that returened.

`Something was wrong!`

"But sometimes, we find each other again after a while, like me. I just reacently meet someone I parted from in the past. You may remember her too." He made a pause like he tried to do some dramatical effect. And it worked.

"Victoria! You do remember her, right?"

Her name sent a shiver over her spine.

`Yes, I do remember. How could I forget that?! `

"Oh, how did that work out?" She was astonished her voice sounded so clear as even if every nerv in her body screamed at her.

He laughed. In the meanwhile he had come closer to her while she stood stile frozen on the spot.

"We came to an agrement!"

"Oh, what kind of?"

"About you! But seeing you here now, I guess I won`t stand to it!"

He grinned and for the first time I could see his crimson eyes. She was unable to do anything. I was too shocked to even speak anymore.

"Wwhat do you mean? What does she want from me?" She finally pulled it together.

"Your death! To be bluntly honest. She wasn`t too found of Edward killing James! You see, he was her mate and vampires don`t take it very lightly when you kill their mates! She wants revenge! But that shouldn`t be of your concern anymore! You see, I was out here hunting, I haven`t done that in a while and I am quite thirsty! And you, my dear Bella.." He stopped to take a deep breath. "You really smell delicious!"

He was right in front of her now and she still didn`t move.

`As If you could outrun me! As if you could fight me of! I am designed to kill!`

Edwards voice echoed through her brain and never before had she understood how true those words were. Not even when she stood in front of James. The situation was different then. She had walked willingly into it she knew what was about to happen or should have happened back then if it wasn`t for his interference. But this scene she had stumbled into. And there wouldn`t be any interfere now. Her knight in shining armor was gone - they were all gone and with them the hope of survival.

God what kind of mess her life was!

Edward and Emmet were right, she was a danger magnet. And maybe her time truly had been up long ago. Maybe it was better this way. What kind of life did she have after all since he had gone. She saw the glances everyone gave her, she knew how dead she already looked a shadow of what she had used to be, she just wasn`t strong enough to change it, to snap out of it. So maybe it was better for everyone if she died. Sure Charly would be hurt, but wasn`t he already. Seeing the mess she was everyday without being able to change anything. It would probably be a relief. He would get over it and so would her mother. For everyone else she was already non excisting.

`So death, here I come, I am ready!`

She could feel Laurents breath on her skin and closed her eyes waiting for the pain to come.

But it didn`t come instead she heard a loud crash. Stone hitting stone and a sudden airflow infront of her. Then a fourious deadly growl halled through the air followed by another crash.

`Open your eyes, Bella!`

She ordered herself and a second later they complied. What she saw wasn`t anything she had expected.

Apperently she was wrong, not all of them were gone. Or at least one of them had returned. Not the one she had hoped but at this point she couldn`t really be too choosey.

Stunned and bewildered she watched the two vampires fighting and tearing at another.

At first the fight seemed quite balanced, or at least she thought so, she hadn`t really a lot experience in those kind of fights so how would she know. But Laurent managed to land a few well placed blows and kickes before the scene shifted and the other one had the upper hand again.

He was furious, you could tell by the roars and power he unleashed towards Laurent as he ripped limp for limp off his body. Laurent already missed an arm and his combatant had managed to tear a big piece of meat from his waist with his teeth. It was gross to look at but she couldn`t bring herself to turn away. She didn`t know how long the fight had taken until finaly there wasn`t anything left from Laurent but his compartmentalized body parts laying around. But even they wouldn`t last long since he already had started to collect them before lighting a fire and burning them to ashes.

Bella was still frozen to the spot when he finally turned around and looked at her.

"You know normal people would have ran by now!"

Still she didn`t move but just stared at him. She couldn`t believe he was actually there. That one of them had come back. Maybe they had all come back and he was just the first one she ran into. Or had ran into her.

"Bella, are you alright?" He had come closer to her now and she could hear his concern for her in his voice.

God, it felt so good to see one of them, anyone of them. Before she knew what she was doing she had swung herself in his arms and hugged him tied. She felt his stiffening for a moment but a few seconds later his arms were around her waist and he hugged her back. A wave of calmness washed through her and she leand into him even more.

"You know, when I said ran, I actually meant in the other direction! The direction who leads you out of danger!" His voice was amused.

"But I guess Edward was right, you always do the unexpected, stupid thing!"

She flinched by the mention of his name and could feel the pain in her hearth return. She didn`t even realize it was gone for a moment.

Another wave of calmness rolled over her and eased her pain.

"I am sorry! I didn`t mean to!"

"It`s ok!" She told him finally finding her voice again.

"And it speaks!" He said amused again.

"Funny!" She told him sarcastic.

"So, are you actually planning to release me anytime or ..?"

Emberaced she removed her arms around him and stepped back.

"Sorry!" She mumbled turning her head to stare at the ground.

"I was just surprised to see you I guess!"

"I could tell!" He grinned.

A blow of air from the fire drang into her nose and she cringed it.

"It stings!" She stated the obvious and earned another chuckle from him.

"I guess it does, I`m kinda used to it so!" He stiftened again like he had revealed more than he wanted.

"So, care to explain what you were doing here?"

He could feel another blow of pain hitting her but she managed to suppress it, or at least she managed to not let it show in her physical appearance. But since he could feel her pain it wouldn`t change much. He sent her another wave of calmness wondering how much pain she actually could endure before she exploded.

"It was our spot! He.." Her voice broke showing for a moment just how much pain she actually felt but the wall came up again quite quick.

He was amazed how she did it.

"He came here with me sometimes. It was here where I first saw him in the sun!" She finally told him.

Pictures floded her mind again. Pictures of him and how his skin shimmered when the sun shone on it. She managed to suppress them again. She wasn`t allowed to think about them. Not again. She didn`t even dare to think about asking if he was alone or if the other came with him too. It wouldn`t change anything.

`He doesn`t love you! What does it matter if he was here or not! It wouldn`t change anything!`

"And you thought this would be a good place to die?"

She just shrugged her shoulder. It made him angry. Like her life wasn`t worth anything.

"It`s not like I planned to be attacked by a vampire!" She informed him.

"Yeah, but it didn`t really seemed like you would actually care otherwise!"

His statement startled her for a moment like he catched her lying.

"I felt your emotions!" He reminded her. "The fear was gone pretty fast, actually it was more a mixture of relinquish and sadness!" He told her and she looked away ashamed. Anger rose in him again. He wanted to shock her wanted desperatly to wake her up but nothing seemed to work. Had she given up?

"What was I supposed to do? I`m human, he was a vampire it`s not like I would have had a second of chance against him!"

She started to get angry. What does he want from her, what was it to him anyway? She was just a human they had left behind, plain, old boring, uninterested human!

`He cared enough to safe your life so!` Her mind told her.

"So you just gave up?! You didn`t even cry for help!"

"It`s not like there is anyone out here who would have heard me!"

"I was out there!"

"And you found me even without it!"

Jasper couldn't believe it. What was wrong with her? Had their leaving really messed her up so much? He always knew that it was a stupid thing to do. Knew that she wouldn`t just get over it and live her live like they didn`t exist like before. But he had never imagined it would turn out this bad. It made his guilt even greater.

"Leavin didn`t improve your life in any way did it!" He stated. Another shrug with her shoulders. She got better in shielding her feelings away from him and he didn`t like it. Didn`t like it at all.

A shiver ran over her body. Seemed like the coolness was finally catching up on her. He shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to her. Suprissed she raised an eyebrow in question.

"You are cold! Take it"

It was an order that left now room for disobedience so she took the tattered jacket and slipped it on.

"I am sorry!"

Now it was on him to give her an questioning look. What on earth could she be sorry for?

"Your jacket, its damaged, so are your pants, and it looks like you got a nasty wound on your leg! I am sorry!"

Hearing her words his depression catched up with him in an hearth beat. Pictures of the last time he saw her filled his mind again. He tried to kill her and she felt sorry for a damaged jacket. Ashamed he looked to the floor but covered it again pretty quick.

At least they had that in commen - shielding their feelings from the world. Not wanting anyone to come close again. But he wanted to come close to her. Wanted to help her to get better.

`Hey, where did that came from?` He asked himself bewildered.

But ignored it the next second.

"It was my pleasure!" He answered finally. "I needed to work out some issues and release some tention anyway!"

She just nodded towards him.

"Come on, let`s get you home!"


	3. Chapter 3

_And again, I don't own twilight _

_I know the content of this chapter had been done quite often, but it just needed to be done again for the sake of the story _

_Hope you enjoy it nevertheless and feel free to tell me so or raise your critics in a helpful way_

_Another thing, it is not beta-read, I don`t have one at this moment, if someone wants to offer his help I really would gladly appreciate it_

_That said, I still hope you like it_

_

* * *

  
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Later that night Jasper found himself in front of her house. After they had reached her truck and she had drove home he went hunting. He had desperately needed to hunt. The fight had pushed him quite far and when she had jumped in his arms afterwards he was astonished he could manage to stay calm and not loose it right there and then. The irony of the situation hadn't gone lost on him. There he stood having just saved the girl from death just to put her in the same danger again. Only that she seemed not even to have realized that. She had been completely oblivious about the fact. Considering the circumstances of their last meeting before they departed Jasper couldn't understand what had driven the girl. Was she that suicidal?

Still, knowing how dangerous he was, he couldn't bring himself to leave her. It had needed every inch of his self control to let her drive home alone. He didn't like the idea of her being alone in her pain.

Another point he needed to think about.

And than there was that look on her face when she had jumped in her truck. An intense stare that broke right through him to the core mixed with a hint of fear. First he had thought it was because she finally had understand how dangerous the situation with Laurent and him was. It had made him nervous and his shame had come back again. All he could stumble was a neutral "See you"

He had felt her anxious indecision and a whiff of hope. Her face told him she clearly wanted to ask or say something but then she just sighted nodded towards him and drove away.

Had she wanted to ask him if she really would "see him" again? Was her stare an attemp to memorize his face a last time before he took off again? Had they really left such a deep cut that she now always was afraid people would just leave?

After all, they had taken off without saying so much as good by. Leaving only Edward behind and who knows what he had told her. It couldn't have been anything to ease her pain, clearly there was no way she could be in any more!

He had wondered about these thoughts until he found himself in front of her house.

That was when he realized he had been wrong.

She could be in more pain than when he had seen her. In fact she was in so much pain it leaped out of the house in deep clouds. He was standing metres away and it was already unbearable.

And that was after month had past. How much had it been when the wounds were fresh? How could she have survived the first days? No wonder she kept them behind a thick wall! There was no way she would make it through the day feeling this increased level of ache.

But now she was asleep, unconscious and unable to keep up the wall and the full force of her emotions broke out. He doubted her sleep was anything near restorative like it should be.

`Fix it! This is your fault after all! Part of it at least!`

His brain ordered him. Seconds later he was in the tree outside of her window. He watched her tossing around in her bed whispering in her sleep having a nightmare. The pain was even stronger now and he tried to sent her waves of calmness but they didn't really work much.

He needed to get closer so he climbed to her window and silently opened it to step inside.

"Edward" Her afflicted voice whispered and he froze for a second afraid he might have woken her up. When he realized it was just sleep talk he turned around again.

"Edward please………… " Her pleading continued. "Don't leave me" Then a scream followed her plea and Jasper spun around alarmed. But she didn't wake. Instead another whimper escaped her.

" I'll do anything …….. stay "

Unable to bear her pain and struggle any longer he placed his hand cautious on her forehead and send ripple after ripple of calmness towards her. It seemed to work finally. Her tossing stopped and her breathing eventually became normal. Than something sudden happened. A soft moan escaped her lips followed by another whisper

"Hmm, cold… nice"

She must still be dreaming of Edward he concluded but at least it was a more pleasant kind of dream, his hand on her skin probably reminded her but he didn't dare to remove it. Afraid the nightmares returned once again.

Another surge of rest and peace was sent by him towards her and a small smile crossed her face.

"calm and cold……like Jasper" Hearing his names on her lips nearly knocked him over. Certainly he hand´t expected that. was she dreaming about him? Did she know he was here, or did her subconscious know? Thinking about it for some time he eventually came to the conclusion it didn't matter. He would even go so far to say, he liked it. It was cute seeing her peaceful look on her face finally finding her rest and whispering his name along, yes, he definitely liked it. At least there was a chance he actually could help her. Atone some of the damage he had induced.

Jasper stayed the whole night ensuring she stayed in her peaceful state until the morning came and he felt her waking up. Only seconds before she really awoke from her sleep he rushed out of her window without a sound.

* * *

Bella's morning had been better. Saying it was good would have been too much considering the pain she was still in, but considering the mornings she had before, this was absolutely one of the better ones. She was surprised when she had awoken that she had actually slept through the night without interruption. She was used to wake up at least one or two times a night by now, covered in her sweat and shaking from one of her nightmares. Not this night though - she would even go so far and say she actually felt rested. That was new for a start. Maybe she was about to recover. Maybe her near death experience had finally shock her out of it.

`Or, maybe it was because someone else had come back!`

`Yeah right` She answered her self. `Anyway He is probably already gone again!` She reasoned.

A knock on the door finally brought her out of her thoughts. Wondering who it might be she went to open it and found herself starring in two topaz eyes.

"Morning!" He smiled at her startled expression.

`Yep, definitely cute!`

Finally coming out of her shock she greeted back.

"You are still here!" She stated surprised.

`So she had been thinking I would have left` His mind concluded

"Seems so, doesn't it!" He answered. "So, not to sound rude, but can I come in?"

"Oh, sure! Sorry, I didn't expected….Come in!" She told him and stepped beside.

"Did I disturb you with something?" He asked looking around the house. He then realized he had actually never been here before besides last night. It looked, huh , lived in to not say anything negative, but it probably was mostly Charlie s doing. After all she did only live here for a little over a year and come to think about she had spent most of that time at their house or somewhere else with Edward.

"No, I just did some cleaning! Charly went on a fishing trip and I hadn't anything else to do!"

They spent an awkward minute in silence while Jasper took the room in some more.

"Did you sleep good?" `Idiot` He told himself

"Actually I did!"

"Good!" He smiled! "You look better! More rested! Seemed like you needed some good sleep!"

"Yeah, uhhm , I have a little trouble with sleeping lately, but it seems to get better! At least last night was better, maybe it stays that way now!" She answered honestly and was surprised to find him somehow pleased.

"Yeah, let's hope so!"

"So, what are you doing here? I mean, not that I want you to got, it's just…" She took a deep breath "I am a little surprised to be honest! We didn't actually spend a lot of time together …" She broke her sentence in the middle a little afraid were it might lead.

"Yeah, I realized! I thought, maybe we could chance that!"

"Oh!" So monosyllabic her anwer towards him might have been, in her head words were running by.

`Why was he here? Spending time with me? Does he pity me?`

Next thing that came was her thinking about the others

`Was he on his own? `

`Don't ask! Don't you dare ask! Don't even think about them, him!`

"So, what do you want to do?"

She asked him instead silencing the voice in her head.

"I don't know, what do you normally do?"

What do I normally do? she honestly asked herself trying to remember how she spend her free days if she wasn't coping or being depressed or cleaning the house.

"Honestly, I don't really do much since, well, you know!"

"I see!" He had expected that. "How about we watch a movie or something?"

"Movie is great! What do you want to watch?"

"Anything! What's your favourite?"

After a moment of considering they ended up watching `Pride and Prejudice`.

First it was a little bit awkward sitting next to Jasper on the couch. She wanted to ask him if it was ok for him that they actually were so close. But since she didn't want to offend him and was sure he would say something on his on, if he had problems with it, she let it go.

And the more time went by, the moren relaxt they got in their company. Especially when their talking about the movie leaded to a heated discussion about film adoptions of the classics and then settled somehow to the fantasy genre and its declaration about the attrition of values in the industrial age.

"Wow!" Jasper finally stated after they had talked for what seemed like hours. Actually it had been hours, 3 and a half to be more specific.

"What?"

"Nothing, its just… well I have to say, for a human you are very well-read!"

"Why thank you, Jasper!" She answered sarcastic.

"What, I meant that as a compliment! After all you are only 18 and you don't really seem like 18!"

"Yeah, been told so before!" She answered desperately hiding the pain in her voice as she remembered who it was stating the fact the last time.

"What is it?" Jasper asked concerned, feelling her shifting mood and her returning pain.

She actually had managed to forget that for a while, or just hide it better, Jasper couldn't tell exactly. But it seemed she had been better. He had seen the colour in her cheeks reappeared a little, especially while their discussion. Her eyes had gleamed furiously on some points. It was pretty obvious she loved literature and she was a passionate debater. He liked that. It was a side he never knew about her and he could slap himself on the back of his head that he hadn't. Next to Carlisle he was the one with the book fetish in his family and he could see, she had it too.

"Nothing! Its fine!" And with her magic words the wall came up again and she was numb. He raised an eyebrow but didn't commented it.

A growl from her stomach broke the silent and Jasper chuckled.

"You are hungry! I have completely forgotten you need to eat!"

"Yeah, that happens! I do, too!" And with that she stood up and went in the kitchen.

`What a weird statement! How can you forget to eat?`

Sure, she is human and there is no way that it would be like bloodlust, but to forget it completely - doesn't she feel hungry? He remembered that he didn`t get the vibe from her only the body reaction. Was his power fading or was it her?

And then he realized. She doesn't feel! In order to numb her pain she numbs all her feelings because she can't single them out and that goes for her hunger too. She eats because people tell her to!

`How far gone was she?`

Thinking about it, she has lost an amount of weight, was that even healthy?

Jasper began to hate Edward even more. How could this bastard not just take his mate but take such a lovely human girl and destroy her completely? What is wrong with him? Doesn't he understand any concept of love at all? Or is he just too selfish to realize other peoples wishes and needs?

`She will get over it! She will forget us and move on! And live her human live the way she should!`

Edwards words thrust through his mind.

`Yeah, right! I can see that happen any time now!`

At this moment Jasper wanted nothing more than to protect her and make sure that she will be al right. That she will find her life again. He would make it his personal mission to save her. After all, it was his actions that got the ball rolling, nevertheless how stupid Edwards decision might have been. And maybe he will find his own peace and redemtion in the process.

Making this decision he got up and followed her to the kitchen.

"A yoghurt?" He asked her startled. "Now, I might not know much about human diet but, a yoghurt doesn't seem like it would be enough!"

"I am not very hungry! I don't need much to eat!" She protested.

"Your stomach makes noises like a grown bear! I know that, because I heard both of it! And I also know that grown bears don't get satisfied with yoghurt! So stop protesting and come with me!"

Before she even could so much as form words to protest he had already run with her outside and seated her in his car.

"What are you doing?" She asked bewildered when he started it and drove away.

"I am taking you to dinner! What does it look like?"

"But, I don't want to!"

"Too bad!" He grinned at her.

"Stupid vampire!" she mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?"

"I said, stupid vampire! And I know you heard it the first time I said it, but I can repeat it again, if you like to!" She answered furiously and he couldn't help but laugh.

`Yes, definitely cute!`


	4. Chapter 4

_I know, I don`t own twilight and it get`s more and more depressing to write it every time. _

_**Note:**_

_I made Jasper her age so he could go to school with her again, it`s not really important but i needed an excuse to let him hunt at the evening when Bella goes to sleep, I don`t feel comfortable to let her spend her nights in his arms yet, I think this might be a little too soon at this point_

_And, Jacob likes Bella only in a brotherly way I don`t like love triangles at least not with Jacob_

_Also the situation between Jacob, Charlie and Bella might be too unrealistic, I just couldn`t help but write it this way, believe me, she has enough going on in her life (OK, at this point I realize you don`t know what this is, but you will sooner or later! ;) ) she doesn`t need an overprotective father and `brother`on top of it_

_also, please consider a complete mental breakdown can change not only the person having it but the people around her, especially when it comes to that persons happiness and well being_

_And thanks for all reviews, you keep me going ;)_

* * *

It had been 2 weeks since Jasper was back in Forks.

He had to admit, he liked spending time with her. Of course he had always known, that she was a lovely girl with a hearth of gold but most of the things he knew about her and who she was he did know through the others. He enjoyed it that he was now actually in the situation to find out for himself. And he took delight in the fact that every day he spend with her it was easier to control his blood lust around her. Of course he still tried to keep a little form of distance and kept the amount he actually touched her at an minimum but it got easier.

Just to be save he still went hunting every day mostly in the night, when she would go to bed. The look she gave him every time they said `goodnight`wasn`t one he could stand much longer so.

He remembered the thought he had on the first day. She had given him the same look when he had saved her from Laurent and sent her home alone.

It was full of doubt and question and fear and by now he was downright sure that he had been right back then. She was terrified to be left alone again. The idea that she would be abandoned yet again from someone that became close to her horrified her. She didn`t know that he spent every night sitting next to her bed watching over her sleep and calming her if necessary from one of her nightmares.

So her eyes pleaded nearly begged him every night to stay, to be there tomorrow again.

Especially in the first few days it had been as if she would always wait for him to take off again and leave. This had eased away a bit when he had enrolled in school again. He had made sure that they had the exact same schedule, so he could spent even more time with her and had meet her friends.

Angela was the first he meet and then there was Jacob. Ironically he liked them. It wasn`t so much that he liked them. What made it ironic was that he now actually spent more time with humans than vampires! No, not more, all the time!

Considering the fact that he was next to Rosalie the loudest voice when it came to raising concerns at spending time with `human Bella`at the beginning he sure made a turn. But, he came to the conclusion that it was actually quite helpful with his control over his blood lust. The more humans he effective got to know and more important to like, the more he realized that it wasn`t just their lives he would end and ruin when he slipped. He had learned that the hard way when he lost control on Bella's birthday but now he enrolled that not just to her but to all people.

With Jacob, there was something else. He actually came to realise that he respected him, at least on some level. But, the boy really made an impression the first night he meet him.

It was clearly written in his face and his emotions that he wasn`t too pleased with the fact that Bella let `one of them`how he called it back in her life but, apparently she had spoken to him earlier and made her point clear and Jacob - loving her as a sister and wanting nothing for her than getting better and be happy - had pulled it together. What made him respect Jacob was something else.

* * *

_Flashback (Jasper pov)_

We had just walked inside the movie theater and gotten our tickets when Bella told us she needed to go to the restroom.

The minute she was out of reach Jacob had turned to me as if he had waited for exactly this moment.

He had graped my arm without even shuttering away from the cold and fixed my gaze. Not one inch of fear was in him when he continued.

„ Listen, you might have realized that I am not happy about your being here! In fact I would wish you would have stayed far away! But, this has a reason! Have you any idea what you have done to her by just leaving? I know it was your brother that broke her hearth, but all of just left without saying so much as goodbye and that wasn`t something she took good either!"

I still had to get over the fact that a human actually graped my arm and was suddenly so close to me. I wasn`t yet used to his scent but the content of his speech deflected me.

„I know that, and believe me when I tell you I am more than sorry about it! But I am not here to hurt her again!"

„Hurt her? You guys think you hurt her? Hurt doesn`t even come close! She was in hospital for 10 days! Charlie actually considered admitting her in an institution because she hadn`t eaten nor spoken for weeks!"

That actually had hit me right at the core.

„Yeah, exactly!" He pointed out reading my eyes, still fixing them.

„So, you might understand now, why I am so protective of her! She is family! My father and hers go way back and I won`t stand by and watch her getting `hurt` again! Are we clear?!"

I would have laughed about the fact that a human honestly tried to ambush and threaten me if what he had said wouldn`t be so utterly alarming and if his feelings wouldn`t overwhelm me. He did feel very protective and brotherly towards her and I was very grateful that he did so. He apparently had tried to take care of her when we weren`t there and I was thankful for that too.

„We are clear! But only if you promise, not to give her a hard time because of me! I can assure you, I won`t just take off! I really want her to get better and I want to protect her just the same way you do!"

„Yes, I know, I can see that the way you look at her and I can see that she really had gotten better since you are here. I think she even had gained some needed weight. But the second that chances! The second you bring her more harm than good, I will be there!"

He was sincere, I could tell and I was still completely astonished that he didn`t back away from me. Either I had lost my touch, how Emmet might have said it, or Jacob was just so protective of her that he didn`t care and that gave him an extra burst. What ever it was, something in my view about him changed in exactly that moment.

We saw Bella coming back, nodded at each other and had an surprisingly nice time after that. His feelings towards me had eased apparently pleased from the fact that he had made his point and that he saw her smile more often and since then, we got along quite good.

_End flashback._

_

* * *

  
_

There were other people, he had his problems with so. One of them was Jessica. He still wouldn`t have any concerns when it came to snapping her neck. Someone he not just disliked for the way she treated Bella but for her entire self. This girl really had it coming and it was his intent to be there when it happened. But, of course, he kept it together and took harmless joy in rejecting her again and again when she tried to make her move towards him. Something that happened more often now since the female population realised he was single.

Bella and he had came across that fact after a few days when she couldn`t really hold the question inside her any longer why he was here - alone - and what was going on with him. He had told her the vertices that he and Alice had broken up and he had decided to take off on his own to sort some things out.

It wasn`t in his hearth to explain her the complete extent of their parting, seeing no point in hurting her more then she already was. And it definitely would hurt her and she would probably even feel guilty about it, something he not intented to let happen.

On the other side he didn`t really want to talk about it either so they came to the silent agrement `if you don`t ask about my past, I don`t ask about yours!`

But, this agreement started to gnaw at him every day more. Yes, she had gotten better, had come out of her shell more, but the amount of pain she felt was still too much to go on like this. She needed to talk about it. Needed to let it out and not just during the night when she can`t control it. She needed to do so intentionally or she would never be able to heal.

And today he would make her talk about it. He had developed a plan to make her face her feelings. He knew it will be hard and it will need some force but he couldn`t wait any longer. She repressed them far to much and a lot of other problems, like her eating habits, suffered under it. He couldn`t let her go on like that one more day.

So, after school he had driven her home and told her he needed to hunt. It was a preparation he needed to do because he was sure there would be no way in doing what he planned without coming close to her.

Bella had used the time to do some of her homework until he re arrived 2 hours later through her window again. She instantly stopped and turned to him.

„Had a nice time?"

He chuckled only Bella would say something like that knowing full well where he went.

„Yes, I am feeling better and ready now!"

„Ready? What are you ready for?" She asked curiously when I sat down on her bed.

„Bella, would you come over please, I would like to talk to you!"

Her face froze and he could feel fear, rejection and loneliness rise in her. She still was afraid he would leave her after he tried to make her understand he wouldn`t in every way. It hurted him but he could understand where she was coming from.

„Please, don`t be afraid, Bella! I won`t leave!" That relaxed her a little and she started walking to her bed and sat on it indian style.

„So, what is this about? What do you want to say?"

„Actually it is not so much about what **I want** to say! It is more about what **you need** to tell!"

She was confused now.

„What do you mean? I have nothing to talk about! Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?"

Her inferiority swept over him.

„No, you didn`t! Stop questioning yourself, Bella!"

„So, what then?"

`OK, this was it. This is going to be devastating for the both of us!`

"Bella, how are you feeling?"

"I`m fine!" She answered without hesitation.

He humorless laugh escaped his lips

"What?"

"You lie to an empath about your feelings and don`t see the irony in it?"

"Well, since you are an empath, why are you asking?" Her defensive stance went up in an instant while she snapped at him but he remained calm.

"Because I can`t really read you! Most of the time there is nothing there to read! You are just numb and empty! But that`s not it! I think you are just used to shield away everything and got so good at it that even I have trouble reading you!"

She didn`t comment that, maybe she realized there was no use in it anyway. Her stare was on the sheets and she concentrated hard on something. He could only guess it was her wall she had built inside her.

"I know you are in pain, Bella, I could feel it a few times when I caught you unguarded! You need to stop shielding it!"

"I am fine, Jasper!" She tried again.

"I don`t believe you!"

He answered and then she felt it. It was like something was hitting her, like something was tearing inside her.

"What are you doing?" She asked him bewildered.

"Trying to break through your wall!" He told her and took both of her hands in his before she realized it.

"Stop it!" She could feel it stronger now, could feel her defense crumbling from his attack and got terrified.

"Please, stop it!" She begged him starting to freak out more and more, trying to back away from him. She tried to loosen his grip on her hands but it was of no use. After all, he was stronger than her.

"No! You need to let me help you! Please Bella, let me help you!"

"No!" She whispered and tried a last time to hold it inside. She clinched trying desperately to hold him back to push him away but she could feel the first tears starting to enter her eyes.

"Please don`t! I can`t bear it!" She shuddered and with it her wall cracked open and her emotions unleashed themselves.

Jasper was hit by the the full force of her pain and it blew him for a moment before he could cope them himself. It was no wonder why she had kept them behind a wall the whole time. He was astonished she was able to manage to do so at all. Surprised she was still sane.

It took everything in him not to ease it and use his power on her. He felt like he would torture her and it made him sick with himself but she had to feel it. She had to go trough this or she never would. He had to let her go through this on her own but he would be here for her every step.

"Let it out, Bella!"

Bella had broken down on her bed meanwhile crying hopelessly.

He moved towards her and laid her head in his lap starting to stroke her hair.

"Just let it all out and let me in!"

And she did unable to stop it anymore. And he could read every single painful emotions that rushed through her. And that was what he needed. He needed to look past the pain and hurt and single out the reason. It was the only way to help her seal her wounds and work against them.

"What are you feeling, what is going through your mind?"

"He left!" She trembled. "How could he leave me! How could he just leave me behind and take all of you with him?"

`abandonment and rejection`

"Not all of us! I am here! I am here for you Bella and I will stay!"

"That`s what he said too!" She shot back under tears.

`faithlessness, fear and shaken confidence`

"He said he would never leave me! He said he would always love me! He lied! I trusted him completely and he lied! And left!"

`betrayel`

More tears ran down her cheeks.

"I know darling, but he didn`t want to hurt you!"

"But he did!" She answered without letting him continue.

`rejection again and incomprehension`

"He did Jasper, he hurt me more than anyone else before! Why didn`t he just finish me off? Everything would be better than this!"

`surrender`

"don`t say that! Why would you say that?"

And finally the most cruel emotion. He knew she had felt from the beginning but this time it came with a force and shape he couldn`t even feel when James was after her.

`worthlessness`

"I am hurting everyone! My dad and mom are worried sick, my friends don`t know what to do anymore! And the worst thing is, I knew this would be coming!"

She sobbed even more if that was possible at that point anymore.

"I knew from the beginning I would never be good enough! Not just for him but all of you!"

"Bella, why did you feel that? I know you felt that the whole time. I felt it the second you stepped through our door and it bewildered me completely! I waited for fear, horror or at least trepidation but nothing. You looked at us as if you wouldn`t be worth it to just stand next to us!"

"Because that`s true! Look at you people!" she continued to ramble under her tears. "You are smart and beautiful, you speak dozens of languages and have university degrees, you write songs and symphonies, and you are so strong, you are so graceful and I can`t hardly walk a straight line without tripping! I am so plain and ordinary! I am not even ordinary!"

"Bella, you are everything but plain and ordinary! Don`t you see that? After all this time, after all what you saw, can`t you still look behind that mask? Behind us? And see you? You are intelligent and smart and beautiful and brave and lovely and so good! You have such a big hearth, you walked right up to James prepared to give your live for the people you love! You are strong, you just take everything life throws at you and still stand! You are worth everything! And to be honest, you are worth much more than Edward!"

"No I am not! And he knows that, that`s why he left! And I am not strong, look at me!"

"I do look at you, Bella! Yes, you are not at your best right now, but I feel your pain and **I** have problems coping that. And here you are, human, and still getting up in the morning and doing your best. And not just for you but for the peoples around you. For your father and your mother so they don`t worry so much! This is strong, Bella! You are strong! We should be grateful to have you in our life and not the other way around!"

"So why haven`t you? Why did he leave if I am so good? Why didn`t he stay?"

"Because he is a stupid idiot that didn`t understand what he had, what both of you had! He wanted to protect you!"

Bella wasn`t capable of speaking anymore. She just cried in Jasper's arms and he let her. He could feel her pain easing away with every sob she made. He knew it would not be completely gone after this but it was a start. A needed start. It was the first step. She had let someone in.

They stayed like this for some time. The tears had stopped eventually but it was only because there were non left she still was sobbing tearless so. Suddenly a knock on the door froze them both.

„Bella, are you OK?" Before anyone of them could react the door opened and revealed Charlie.

Jasper had been so fixed on Bella and her feelings he hadn`t even heard him coming home.

He looked in Charlies affected face and tried to come up with something.

„Dad, I just..." She looked at him with swollen red eyes but before she could finish Charlie stopped her with a wave of his hand.

„It`s ok, Bella!"

His feelings had gone from hurt and surprise to awareness then to relief and gratefulness. It astonished Jasper.

„Just, come down when you are feeling better, ok?" His soft emotional voice seemed to smooth her.

„Thank you, dad!" Bella answered relieved and he closed the door again.

„That was unexpected!" Jasper told her.

„Yeah, it sure was!"

They sat there in silence for a moment until suddenly started to laugh. It was an assuaged and freeing laugh that eased the situation in seconds. It was well needed after what happened. And Jasper smiled about the meaning behind. She started to heal finally.

„You know, I expected him to shot you, or at least be angry I didn`t expect that! What was going on in him?" She asked Jasper bewildered referring to his power.

„He was surprised at first but that quickly settled to gratefulness!"

„Gratful? Are you sure?"

„Are you questioning my abilities?" I asked her mockingly offended.

„No, of course not, but it`s weird, I mean, you have to admit, it`s weird!"

„Bella, you father loves you! I think he is just as happy as I am that you are finally able to show some sign of betterment. And being able to show your feelings even if they are not pleasant is a sign. It is a big one!"

She took a deep breath and snuggled farther in Jasper's embracement.

„Thank you!" She finally told him

„There is nothing to thank me for!"

„Yes there is, Jasper! You really are a great friend and it helps a lot to have you here! I am so glad you came back!"

„Me too!"

He stroke over her back and gave her a small kiss on her head before he realized what he had done but neither of them thought something more into it. They stayed like this for another minute before Bella finally got up.

„I think I should go fresh myself up in the bathroom before I have a quick talk to my dad!"

„Good idea! I`ll be waiting here!"

She smiled at that and then quickly swept out of the room.

After washing her face with cold water for a few moments she finally made her way downstairs to see what Charlie had in store for her.

„Hi dad!" She said shyly preparing for everything that might follow. Just because he had reacted the way he had up there doesn`t mean he would be so calm now.

„Bella!" He nodded at her she starred bewildered for another second while Charlie obviously read her reaction.

„Oh, come on Bella, give me some credit! I am the Chief! Do you think I wouldn`t know that he would be back? This is a small town! He goes to school with you!" Charlie pointed out.

„Oh, well, huh!" `Now, that he mentioned it!`

„So the Hale boy, huh?!"

„It`s not like you think, Dad, we are just friends!"

„Just, be careful, Bella! I did have noticed that you smile more and got out of your shell. And if you are finally able to open up to someone, I am grateful for it and I would be crazy to not go along and sent him away! But, please be careful!"

Bella gave him an honest smile and she could tell her father was pleased by it.

„Thank you dad! He really is a good friend!"

„I hope so, still I would appreciate in the future if you might not close your door when he is over, ok?"

„Dad!" She commented shocked and embarrassed.

„Just kidding!" He smiled „So, is he staying for dinner?"

`Shot, dinner, I had totally forgotten about that`

Now, that she talked about it she realized something else. A feeling she hadn`t felt in quite a time. She was hungry!

„Oh, I kinda, uhm, there is no dinner dad!"

„I realized that, too! I already ordered some pizza! That`s ok with you?"

„Pizza is great!"

„Oh, and before I forget it, I am off duty tomorrow and Billy and Jacob asked if we would like to come over for once!"

She hesitated for a second because she knew, Jasper wouldn`t be able to go there but the hopeful look in Charlies face let her no choice.

„Sure, dad, I havn`t seen Jacob for a few days now!"

„Great! I`ll call you when the pizza arrives!"

Bella made her way upstairs again confused. Had that really been her dad? Why was he so cool with the situation?

`Does it matter?! Be thankful he is!`

`Good point!`

She shrugged with her shoulders and opened the door to her room again. Jasper stood at the opened window with the back to her but turned around.

"So, what`s it going to be?" He asked at her smirking. "Closed or opened door?"

Another wave of embarrassment rolled over her and she could feel her cheek swarming.

"Very funny!" She shot back at him. "You do remember my dad is armed, right?!"

"Apparently, he is the Chief, right!" He grinned even more. "Good thing I am bullet proofed!"

"hmm!" She growled at him and he lost it right there and laughed.

"Stop laughing at me!"

`Oh, anger defiantly worked for her!`

"You know, sooner or later something will happen that whips that grin right out of your face!"

"Maybe, have to do the most of it until then, I guess!"

`Does he always has a backtalk?!`

Neither of them knew how true those words were and that indeed in the near future something would happen that would lead to exact this reaction. But for know, Jasper was right, he should do the most of it for the next couple of weeks until everything would change once again. Because, in the end, we are talking about Isabella Swans life and there was always danger and trouble following her every step.


	5. Chapter 5

_Do I really have to say it every time **I don`t own Jasper or twilight** I know that but can`t I at least pretend?!_

_this plays the next day in the rez with Jacob, _

_I really had a hard time coming up with this particular part since I started developing the storyline but somehow it seemed so important to me that I couldn`t cut or change it_

_I already have the big picture more or less completely in my head till the end, but the details and the little parts still trouble me. But I just can`t wait any longer to put it on paper and out there, because I am too afraid that I will loose all of it if I don`t.  
_

_So, I hope you can overlook that fact and like the storyline. It will probably take a few days longer for the next chapters to be developed but they will come. After all I have to get them out of my system or I will explode lol  
_

_Feel free to share your thoughts about it either if it is good or bad if it is the later, please don`t be too cruel, And thanks again for everyone who already did review  
_

_Hope you have fun with it like I do and with that, here we go again._

* * *

Bella had gotten with Charlie over to La Push directly after school. Sitting in Billy's house talking for a while until Jacob suggested to go for a walk.

They walked around the beach and talked about all different stuff.

Then something caught Bella's eye.

She saw a group of people standing on the top of a cliff a little further away from them and before she realized what was going on one of them jumped off it.

„No!" She screamed and was about to run when Jacob hold her back.

„What is wrong, Bella?"

„What is wrong, that boy just jumped of the cliff and no one does anything!"

Jacob chuckled.

„Bella, everything is alright!"

„Alright? Did you not just heard what I said! He is probably dead!"

„He is not dead, Bella, they are cliff diving! Did you never heard of that?"

„Oh!" She answered embarrassed. „Well, I just,..."

Jacob still hadn`t stopped laughing.

„It`s good to have you back again! I missed you Bella! You can be so funny sometimes!"

„Yeah, I seem to have the talent to amuse people constantly!"

But Bella forgot about it when she observed the second figure jumping gracefully off the cliff. She watched him flying through the air until he finally hit the water beneath him.

`Wow!`

„That looks really like it would be fun!"

She mumbled still astonished.

„What?" Jacob asked her bewildered.

„That looks like fun! Did you ever do that?"

„Well, yeah I did it a few times! It really is a great feeling! You feel completely free and of course there is a little fear, makes your hearth pumping and adrenaline shooting through you!"

„Is it a lot dangerous?"

„That depends, not so much if you know what you are doing! And there is a second spot lower, in the middle of the cliff. Most people jump from there!"

What came next Jacob had never expected.

„I wanna try it!" Bella told him determent.

„What? A minute ago you wanted to jump in rescue and now you want to jump down the cliff?"

„Yes! I want to try it! I want to feel that feeling you described to me! You said it is save and you did it before! I want to do it too!"

„I never said it would be save! I said it is less dangerous if you know what you do, but since you never did it you obviously don`t!"

„But you did, you can show me!"

„I don`t think that is a good idea, Bella!"

„Oh, come on, Jacob, you can`t just rave about it and then tell me not to do it! I want to feel this completely free and with adrenaline spiced feeling you described!"

„Charlie would kill me, Bella! Besides, I don`t really want to hang with them right now!" He told her pointing at the group by the cliff.

„Why? What`s wrong with them? Who are they?"

„That`s Sam and his gang!"

„You have a gang? And you can recognize them from here?"

„I grew up with them, Bella! And yes, we have a gang! Or they do! They are strange, I don`t know!"

„Why, what is up with them? Are they destroying property, or selling drugs?"

Jacob laughed.

„No, it`s not that, it`s just, they are all about `our land`and `tribe pride` it is a bit ridiculous! They call themselves `protectors!"

„You don`t like them much, do you?"

„Is it that obvious?"

„Why? Did he do something to you or is it just general behaviours?"

„Well, first, I don`t know, he, Sam I mean, behaves different around me, always looks at me like he is trying to figure something out. Like he wants to read me. And then it`s always like he would wait for me to realize something, always make cryptic comments, like when we talked about Jasper!"

„You talked about Jasper?"

Now Bella was alarmed.

„It`s nothing, really! Sam found out that he is back in town and that he is spending time with you! You may remember, he doesn`t like them pretty much, which is strange because he never really meet them, or at least I never heard of that. And then he found out that I went to the movies with you two and he totally freaked out! Told me I would betray the tribe because he was a Cullen and that I should stay away from him! Ridiculous, like I said! And he reminded me that he was not allowed on `our land`! And he said stuff like, `sooner or later you will realize`! Like he is waiting for me to join his gang and stuff like that! It creeps me out!"

„You don`t have to join them or anything if you don`t want to, Jacob! Who does he think he is?"

„Exactly! But the worst thing is, people seem to listen to him! Especially the council! And that is kinda weird. I mean, it is not that he does anything special, so what is up with that?! And then there is Embry and Paul!"

„Who are they?"

„Friends of mine, or apparently former friends of mine! They didn`t like him either, we hang out a lot until suddenly they got ill! No one saw them for a week and when they came back and they behaved strange! Like they did a complete 180! They hang with Sam now all the time and talk about him like he would be some kind of god or, their owner! And they started talking to me just like him, always with the cryptics and waiting! Like they joined a cult!"

Suddenly he stopped and looked at Bella as if he would realize for the first time with whom he spoke.

„It doesn`t matter anyway!"

„Hm!" Bella thought about what he said but dismissed it again.

„What is it?" Jacob asked her and she tried to cover it.

„Oh, uh, nothing! I really would have liked to try it! This kind of feeling you described sounded a lot like something I would need to feel right now!"

Jacob looked at her observation and deep in thoughts.

„Is it just the feeling, or the cliff diving?"

„Why?"

„Well, if it would be just the feeling, maybe I have an other suggestion! It feels a little bit alike! Not exactly, but if you are into these things suddenly, maybe you like it!"

„What are you talking about?"

„Come on, I show you!"

* * *

_Later that evening._

Jasper had come over only minutes after Bella had come home with her dad from the rez. He had stepped through the window greeted her and was taken aback by her look.

A huge smile covered her face, her sheeks were flaming red and he smelled the adrenaline running through her blood.

`God, she was delicious!`

`Stop that right there! Are you insane? Delicious?! She is not FOOD!`

He screamed at himself bewildered

`Delicious doesn`t necessarily mean food!`

The other half of his brain told him.

`And that thought is inappropriate too! What is going on with you? Do you need it so desperately? This is Bella we are talking here about! She is like your sister!`

`But not your real sister! Come on, you thought about that before!

`Shut up! We are not going there! This is not a rebound girl!`

„Are you alright, Jasper?" Bella asked concerned.

He broke out of his thoughts.

„Sorry, I was lost there for a moment! You look good! I don`t want to offend you, but, you look more alive!"

She smiled brightly again.

„I feel alive! Today was so great, you should have been there!"

„What did you do?"

„Ok, promise me to not get mad! It wasn`t that dangerous! And Jacob was there and he would have taken care if something might have happened, which it didn`t!" She implied fast seeing he got more and more solicitous which every word.

„What did you do?"

„And don`t laugh! Please!"

„What did you do?" He asked getting more puzzled.

„I, uh, Jacob had, uhm. Wewentridingmotorcyvles!" She finally babbled out so fast she couldn`t even make out her own words.

„Excuse me?" He had risen a brow

„I said, I wentridingmotorcylces!"

„Come again?" He had to subdue a chuckle.

„Motorcycles! We rode motorcycles!" She spelled out confident! „It was great! I love it! I want to learn it proper!" Jasper didn`t have to be an empath to feel the euphoria and excitement in her voice.

„You like motorcycles?" He chuckled.

„I said no laughing!"

„I am not laughing about the fact you did it! I am laughing about the irony!"

„Which irony?"

„Oh, come on, Bella! You do remember your special talent to, how should I say that, get yourself in trouble and , well, you have already a hard time keeping you out of accidents walking. Or better, I have. And now motorcycles? Don`t you think you are pushing it, just a little?!"

„I can walk just fine, thank you Jasper!" She shot back at him.

`Oh, yes, fury and anger definitely worked for her!`

She really had gotten quite a temper, or maybe she always had and he just never realized.

He chuckled again.

„How often did you fall?"

„I, ..well it was the first time, it is totally normal!"

Another chuckle.

„Oh, stop that! I am not telling you anything if you don`t behave, Mister!"

Her finger pointed at him daring which made it even harder for him not to burst out laughing aloud. He took a deep breath and subdued it.

„Ok, I am good! I promise! Now tell me!" He pleaded.

* * *

A few hours later Jasper was on his way back to Bella`s house. After she had told him everything about her newest avocation he found himself in desperate need to go hunting. As much as he enjoyed hearing her gushing about the feeling, it made him want to run from her. Her blood was singing at him, spiced with all the emotions running through it and he was so full of fear he would snap, he basically flew out of her room when she was finished and about to go to sleep. Thinking about it now, he realized something.

He didn`t really felt the desire to drain her, he felt fear to do it. His mind wasn`t fantasizing about it, it had nightmares about what he was afraid could happen when he remembered how those `ingrediances`taunted him in his former life.

`Strange!`

He would really like to put that in a test and explore the meaning behind it if he wouldn`t be too afraid of the outcome when he was wrong.

Still, there was something that remained. Bella liked motorcycles. He never would have guessed! Remembering how she reacted every time the speed-indicator of a car came so much as close to 90 it sure was funny to picture her enjoying a ride on a motorcycle. But, if she really liked it, he sure had a fable for them too. Maybe....

`No, think about what we just talked about! What do you think she would smell like when she actually does it!`

`Right!`

He pushed his thoughts aside and climbed through her window. Looking around he smiled about the picture he found. It was the most peaceful sleep she was in since he was back and it pleased him to realize she really was getting better. He could still feel some pain, but it was dulled and far away of the amount he had felt the first few nights he had spent in this position.

Still wanting to keep an eye on her he took one of her books and sat beside the bed on the floor.

He had spent an hour in this position when he felt her pain rising. She started to spin around in her sleep and fear crept over her.

„No, Edward! Jacob don`t!" She whispered desperately.

`Hm, this was new.`

She had never talked about Jacob in her dreams before. He sent a wave of peace to her when suddenly agony ripped through him.

„NO! Don`t kill him! Please! Jasper!"

Another wave of pain ran through him but this time it was his own.

`Does she dream about me killing Jacob?`

"Sam, NO!" Another wave of agony kept him from reacting.

`who is Sam?`

„Jasper!" Bella screamed again in fear. "Please......... please Jacob don`t kill him!"

`Huh? Jacob was killing someone? What is she dreaming about?`

Jasper didn`t really want to find out. He wanted nothing more for her to get back in her peaceful state. He hit her with all his power and could feel her emotions ease.

„Jasper!" She spoke again but this time it was with relief and she was calm again. And Jasper thought about what he had heard.

`Was she afraid **about** me and not **from **me?`

`But how could Jacob possible be able to harm me?`

` He is a human and I am a vampire, surely she wouldn`t forget that even in her dreams!`

Humans and her dreams surely were strange! He concluded too confused about the situation. After he made sure she would remain in her untroubled sleep and the nightmare didn`t return he continued reading until he leaped out in the morning.


	6. Chapter 6

_guess what, **I don`t own it either twilight nor the quotes or v for vendetta**_

_Note:**  
**_

_Ok, this chapter turned out quite different than I intended it to be. The last days were a little frustrating and hard for me and that was how I compensated it. _

_Also I decided to have a little `fun` of my own writing this chapter, I don`t know how it changes things, but the big picture of the storyline is still the same. _

_It may be a lot ooc I have no idea anymore at this point lol _

_My sincere thank goes to one of my closest friends (you know who you are ;) ) _

_I dedicate this chapter to him._

_he inspired me to write this with the words he told me and the events that happened. ( Also one of my fav. Movies `V for Vendetta`had helped, too, sentences with ..* at the end are quotes from it)_

_Ane a big thank you for every one who reviewed  
_

_

* * *

  
_

School had ended early today and they hadn`t have any classes in the afternoon so he had skipped after lunch for a quick hunt. It was in the middle of the afternoon when he made his way back to the Swan resident. Charlie just left the house to his late-shift and Jasper waited for another minute until he climbed through the window and found her reading on her bed.

"Oscar Wilde?" He asked her puzzled.

"So? He is great author!" She answered. By now she was used to his sudden appearance next to her.

He rose both of his eyebrows and smirked before he pointed out at her.

"Still, `I am so clever that sometimes I don`t understand a single word of what I am saying!"

She grinned at him before she encountered: "Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit!"

He bowed his head in acknowledge.

"Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much!"

Bella grinned. She definitely couldn`t leave it just like that.

"It`s the confession, not the priest that gives us absolution!"

Jasper chuckled.

"You know what this means! You were asking for it!"

"Hit me with your best shot!" She replied finding new confident.

"You should know, I never lost a quote battle before!" His devilish smile dared her and it was on her to chuckle.

"Arrogance – the best leaders inspire by example. When that`s not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too! Lerry Kersten."

"Good for me that `I see myself capable of arrogance and brutality...And that's a fierce thing, to discover within yourself that which you despise the most in others!` George Stevens"

"Obviously, the arrogance of my own nature in regards to other people's work would suggest that I think I'm talented! John Hurt." She pointed out and rose her brow.

"HA! `Arrogance, pride, anger, harshness, and ignorance; these are the marks of those who are born with demonic qualities!` The Baghavad Gita"

Bella frowned for a second.

"One column of truth cannot hold an institution of ideas from falling into ignorance. It is wiser that a person of prudence and purpose save his strength for battles that can be won! Bryan H. McGrill."

Jasper laughed out loudly than added.

"But, Timing and arrogance are decisive factors in the successful use of talent. Marya Mannes"

"You know, an era can be said to end when its basic illusions are exhausted! Arthur Miller."

Without even hesitating Jasper replied.

"But, an illusion which makes me happy is worth a verity which drags me to the ground! Christopher Martin Wieland."

"I guess, `It is respectable to have illusions - and safe - and profitable, **and dull**!` Joseph Conrad." She smirked back.

"If it weren't for our illusions we'd be free from deceptions, and life free from any interests"

"Hm, you might be right, I may have to think about this one!" Bella replied and Jasper's grin grew until she continued. "But only because Oscar Wilde once said `to live is the rarest thing in the world, most people exist – that`s all!"

Jasper stared at her in awe for several seconds. It intrigued her. She remembered him gazing similar at her a few times during the James-fiasco but there was something else there, too. She got nervous.

`What was he thinking?`

"Promise me something, Bella, whenever you loose confidence in yourself again or think you aren`t good enough, remember this moment!" He finally said but it seemed he was still in thoughts.

Trying hard not to blush she smiled sincerely.

`What did just happen?`

Pushing her thoughts aside she addressed him still feeling a little tense and trying to ease it.

"Does this mean you give up?"

"Never!" He chuckled "but, sometimes I take a break in a battle when a good idea strikes me!"

He smiled at her and than graped her hand and lifted her up.

"Come on! Let`s go!"

"What? Where? What are you doing?"

"It`s a surprise! I told you I got an idea!"

After trying several unsuccessful times to make him tell her where they were going Bella had given up.

They had reached Seattle only in a fragment of the time normal people would have needed. Jasper had constantly smoothed her down with his power.

`Riding Motorbikes, but freaking out when you speed with a car`He laughed inside.

Finally Jasper stopped his car.

"Jasper, what, where?" Bella asked confused looking outside.

"A mall, Bella!" Was all Jasper said.

"I can see that!"

"Of course you can, I am not questioning your powers of observation!"*

"Stop making fun of me! I mean what are we doing here!"

"I don`t know, what do you normally do in a mall?!"

"But I hate shopping! You know that! I hate spending money on clothes and stupid stuff I don`t need!"

"I do know that Bella and here is were you are wrong! See, we aren`t going to shop for clothes, and it is not for you either! And most important, we are not going to spent money on things I don`t need, but that are very essential for me!"

"Oh!" she felt very stupid now. "So, what exactly?"

"The idea came when we had our little encounter!" He stopped for a moment. "I haven`t taken any of my stuff with me when I, uh, left!"

Bella knew what he was talking about and stiffened. Jasper never talked about what happened or showed her exactly how he was feeling about it. He always pushed it aside but Bella could imagine the breakup had hit him hard. After all he had spent several decades with Alice. She didn`t want to push him though and hoped that he would come to her if he would want or need to talk about it on his own. Bella only hoped that he knew she would to be there for him and listen the way he did for her, too.

"Anyway.." Jasper dismissed it and continued. "There are a few things I need and I thought, maybe you would like to help me get them! I am sure you will love it, as soon as you get over the `spending money` thing!"

He unleashed a big smile at her and after a moment Bella felt herself becoming dizzy.

"Breath, Bella!" Jasper chuckled again.

She did as he told her and then realized confused.

`Did Jasper just dazzled me? What`s going on?`

`Well, he has a nice smile!`

`Nice?! Look at him, nice is an understatement!`

`Oh, stop it, he is just a friend, more, he is like an older brother! Keep it together!`

Meanwhile Jasper had gotten out of the car and opened the door for her with another one of his smiles.

"Your companion would be my pleasure, ma`am!"

His southern accent didn`t really made it easier for her and without thinking about it she took his offered hand and they went inside.

`Oh, yes, he sure knew how to get what he wanted!`

Before she new it they were standing in front of a big bookshop.

"Ah bookshop!?"

"Your powers of observation continue to serve you well!"*

She was about to snap at him, when she realized that he was quoting a movie. A movie she had watched several times as well. Joining his grin she turned to him.

"Are you like a crazy person?"*

"I am quite sure they will say so!" * He answered her in character. "And this only confirms my decision!" He grinned.

"What decision?"

"The one that made you you part of this! Now, as I said, we are buying some essential things for me! I could have gotten my backup library but I thought, this way it would be much more fun!"

"Backup library? You have a backup library?" She pointed out amused and bewildered over the same point! "What exactly is a backup library?"

"You are familiar with the meaning of the words backup and library, right?"

"I am not mental retarded, Jasper!" She pointed out "I just have never heard someone putting both word together! So, what, you have a shelter with books somewhere?"

"Something like that! Like I said, they are very essential for me! You may have realized by now that reading is far more than a simple hobby!" He stopped again clearly struggling with his emotions and words.

"I decided to start a new one. A new library! It felt right!"

Somehow it seemed to her that his words meant something entirely else, that it was a metaphor for something she didn`t understand. She gazed at him.

"I would really appreciate your help with it!" He continued in thoughts but then turned to her.

"You seem quite qualified and fitting for the job!"

"Why thank you, kind Sir!" She smiled. "And what job is that exactly?"

"I would like to put you in charge with the fictional and or classical section!"

"And what exactly does that mean?"

"Basically you get and buy every book you think of as essential!"

"Every book?!" She asked bewildered.

Jasper smiled and threw a wave of excitement and euphoria at her.

"You really shouldn`t have done that Jasper!" She told him with a grin that reached both her ears. "You might loose a fortune!"

"Money is not an issue, Bella, you should know that by now!"

"You have no idea how much books I can bye in an hour! Do you even have so much space?"

At this point Bella realized she never asked where Jasper was staying at night or when he wasn`t around or hunting. She had assumed he would stay in his and the Cullen's old house, but now, she couldn`t picture it. She felt a ping of guilt and shame rise in her.

"Why are you feeling guilty?" Jasper asked her instantly.

"Nothing! Never mind!"

Jasper watched her observating and than answered.

"I think I may have some free space in my new apartment!" He answered both of her questions, the loud and the silent one and Bella was astound he had read her so easily.

"So, you are up for a hunt?" He asked her reaching for the door.

Bella stepped through the door and was stroke by awe immediately. It was one of the biggest, best organised bookshops she ever saw and still looked comfy and inviting. A few metres in front of her a great staircase lead to several floors and she could see shelter after shelter of books next to each other covering every inch of the wall and dividing the rooms. Several couches, chairs and tables were placed over the room and she just couldn`t help but gasp. They had every genre, old and new ones and a sign informed her that even some rare antiques and first edition could be found on the third level. This wasn`t just a shop, this was heaven for bookfreaks!

"Like it?" Jasper smiled. "I found it on one of my many trips!"

"Like it? Are you insane?! I am thinking about the best strategy to tell Charlie I`ll move out and this will be my new address!"

He laughed loudly.

"I told you, you would love it! Go have fun!"

"No, I can`t!" She said sincerely even if you could clearly see her itching inside. "I will never be able to stop if I start now! By the end of the hour I will have ruined you completely no matter how much money you have!"

"Bella, you could bye the whole shop several times and I would still not be ruined!" He pointed out. " And even if, I don`t think there would be a lot more better ways to spend it! Ok, maybe a few but it is a close race!"

She was still hesitating.

"Tell you what, why don`t you just make a list and I will look through it! Now go, I do know that you can barely hold yourself back. Your emotions are on a roller coaster I am afraid you are about to combust any moment!" He sent her one last wave of allurement and mindlessness and that was all she needed.

"Don`t tell me I haven`t warn you later!" And with that she took off.

It was nearly 2 hours later when Jasper had gone through all the historical an biographical shelters. He also had found some good first editions and other rare antiquarian books the salesman had already put in his account. Several times he had `visited`Bella while she was sitting at one of the tables behind piles of books debating with herself which edition of Shakespeare, Wuthering Heitghs, Poe, or something else would be the best.

She was clearly in her element and it was fun just watching her. Every time he had taken one of her `lists` or book piles with him and given it to the salesman.

By now the word list would be quite inadequate. It was more of a catalogue that could put some proper and professional bibliographies to shame and she had been right in her warning that it would indeed take a lot of room to store them all.

But, that`s why he had used the phrase `assemble a library`and not `buy some books` after all.

Maybe he should tell her to think about a professional future in this department.

Of course he hadn`t told her he would buy them all, he merely had made some comments about `building an account` and `getting through it one by one`. Which wasn`t much of a lie, he had been building an account, he just had paid it already. And he would get through them one by one - when he put them in his book shelves.

He couldn`t help but laugh about the reaction of the clerk. He had the feeling he would built a monument of him in the entrance after he payed and discussed the delivery condition with him.

On top of it he had also convinced Bella to let him take her to dinner. He was sure that she would be furious and angry to a point that she would actually be capable of ripping him apart if she ever realized how much money he had spend with her today, but he didn`t care. It really had been all worth it.

On the drive home, Bella had gotten fairly quite though. First he had thought it was because she was getting tired or maybe had realized the money-part after all but than he felt that she was debating with herself about something. She felt confused and unsure and a little bit sad. He wasn`t sure if he should ask her about it or not though.

"So, you had fun today?" He finally asked her when they had reached her house again. Bella's eyes lit up again.

"Fun? You do remember that you had to drag me out of the shop right?! It was the best shopping trip I ever had! If I could do it all over again, I would have never let you go hunting after school but convinced you to go there even earlier! This is the best bookshop I ever was at! I found thousands of books I want to have! The only bad thing is that it will take me a lifetime to get them all!"

She started rambling immediately and Jasper laughed.

"Well, we will see about the `lifetime` part! But I am glad you enjoyed it! You seemed completely lost in your thoughts on the ride home I thought something was bothering you, you gave me some weird vibes! So I was wondering!"

"Oh, yeah, I was thinking about something!"

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Uh, I don`t know how to put it, I was thinking about the movie `V for Vendetta`we quoted earlier!"

"Ok, I think I need a little bit more information!" He replied confused.

"It wasn`t so much the movie, just a scene I remembered and it kept me wondering!"

Bella became more embarrassed and shy with every word.

"OK?!"

Bella thought again if she should tell him she didn`t know if he would understand it how she meant it.

"Ok, you see, there is this scene, when she is dancing with him at the `eve of the revolution`and she tells him how weird it is that she doesn`t know when he was born or who his family was and if he had sisters and all! That she knows so little about him!"

"Yes!" Jasper became tense guessing where this would be heading.

"So, I don`t know theses things either! I mean about you! I know about the Cullens, yeah, but still! You know so much about my life but I know very little about yours!"

Jasper thought about it for a moment and than answered.

"I hadn`t had that pleasant kind of past, Bella, especially before I meet Alice and the Cullens! I am not sure if you really want to know about it!"

"You know, that just reminds me even more about the scene and what V says when Ivy tells him that! He tells her that there is a face beneath this mask! I realised how similar that is to you! You wear a mask most of the time! You rarely let someone see your face, your feelings, your thoughts, or at least not me, and I would like to know those things! I know you are a silent person I know you like to be alone, that`s probably why you like books so much, but..." she stopped for a moment "it would be really nice if you would let me in from time to time! On your account that is, of course!" Bella got nervous again. "I just wanted you to know, that I would listen and that you won`t scare me away or something! We are friends, right! You saved my life! Twice! I wouldn`t run away, Jasper! I just thought you should know!"

She looked sheepish at her hands.

"That was a very nice thing to say, Bella. I appreciate it, really!" Jasper finally answered her. "I will think about it, but please understand that about most of the things I don`t feel very comfortable talking about, not just with you! Even Alice only knew most of the it because she had visions of it! But, if you really want to know I will tell you a few things on some time, ok!"

She smiled at him.

"Thank you, Jasper! And thanks again for today, it was really fun!"

"I have to thank you, you were helping me, don`t forget that!"

"Still, you can drag me along shopping every time you want to again!" She laughed glad about the easing tension her words had brought with them.

"Never thought I would hear that from you!"

"Ok, maybe I should specify that to book shopping!" She smiled trying to surpress a yawn.

"You are tired!" He pointed out.

"Yeah, guess it is finally catching up with me! It is late already! I should go before Charlie gets home from his shift! Good thing he worked late tonight!"

"I hope you have a nice night and some pleasant dreams!"

"I am sure I will, my sleeping habits really have improved in the last weeks!" she smiled again. "See you tomorrow! And enjoy your meal!"

He laughed out and watched her go into the house.

"See you later, Bella!" He whispered and drove away thinking about what she had said.

With Bela's words the event of the day caught up with Jasper, too.

It was a meaningful day for him. Today he had realized some things he thought he had known for quite time, at least part of them. But today they had sunk in completely. It had struck him like a blizzard.

When they were having their little encounter and he realized how easy she could keep up with him an intense feeling of pride overtook him.

He was proud of her and his thought stated something along `that girl truly is your sister, man!` Of course he had felt it before, had known it, especially when James had been after her. He had been protective of her just like an old brother was supposed to be and he had been proud of her actions when she had walked straight up to James. He had been furious about her bahaviour, of course! Had cursed her for her stupidity and his failure, but he also couldn`t help himself to feel pride and respect about her bravery and the selflessness she had shown by surrendering herself to protect the people she loved.

And he had felt it when he made that horrifying attempt to end her life on her birthday. It wasn`t just a human life, wasn`t just Edwards girl it had been his sister and that was what had made it so utterly devastating.

But today had been different though, because with this thought something else came along too. He had considered her family and instinctive felt at home with her and it had hit him then.

She was his sole family!

He had been abandoned by his old one. On some level he knew that Carlisle especially Esme didn`t have any say in it. He knew that they would probably never have done anything like that but he never felt really as a complete part of the family, especially on his own without Alice. He had always thought that they would have probably never put up with him if it wouldn`t have been for her.

He had felt the lose of his family but that was clouded by the gaining of a new one. Even if it was just a single sister.

She had welcomed him with open arms even after what he had done to her on her birthday. He hadn`t even apologized yet to her because he couldn`t bring himself to talk about it. But yet she let him into her life. True it hadn`t been much of a life when he meet her but the trust she had shown him and still did in his control and with her relay on him had filled his hearth and eased his pain immense. She had given him a new purpose, had deflected him from his inner torment.

And he had realized, his life had changed. He had realized he wouldn`t go back to them. He couldn`t just accept and forgive what happened. And he could never leave his little sister behind again knowing what pain it had caused her the first time. But not just because of that but because he wanted to be part of her life. With her he didn`t feel like the weak link. And she didn`t gave him the feeling to be perfect the whole time. This absurd, unreachable level of perfection the other Cullens always reflected.

She gave him strength by trusting in him, by letting him be without giving him the feeling of being observed and watched constantly. She wasn`t waiting for him to slip up again.

Not even Alice had trusted him on this level, she had known, not believed. She had known because she had constantly looked in the future to see if he would, when he would and how she could prevent it.

He had remembered his thought he had when he sat on the couch in her living room and had decided to take care of her and stay around her. He had hoped to find some redemption along it and he did. At least a glimpse of it. Because every day he spent apart from them and here he felt more like he could do it on his own. And he desperately needed this, had needed it all along.

Today he had closed the door to what happened with Alice and the Cullens and he knew it would be long until it opened again if ever. He had started a new life today and she had been part of it. And he had the feeling she would for a long time. Of course it still hurt - pained beyond bearing but only if he let himself loosen him in this pain. How could it not, he had loved Alice with every cell of his body. She had been his life had meant everything to him for decades, but today he had started to let go and started to find himself instead of being found.

Yes, today had been a been a big day.


	7. Chapter 7

**I don`t own twilight**

_Regarding the issue if Bella and Jasper will fall in love in this story:_

_Yes, they will and I wouldn`t have it any other way. I just want to explore it a little slower because I don`t feel comfortable in letting them loose the love of their life the one day and finding another one the next. I want to try it slow even if they probably are already attracted to another but to coward and still a bit broken to realize and admit it to themselves. But it will happen, after all, this is Jasper we are talking here about ;)_

_Hope you enjoy it and again, Thanks for all the reviews_

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„What`s wrong?" Jasper's voice startled her.

„Nothing!" She sighted. „It`s stupid!"

„The amount of feelings cursing through you says different, it can`t be so unimportant! Tell me!"

„It`s really nothing! I am probably just overreacting!" She hesitated before she continued. „I just have called Jacob! I wanted to ask him if he is up to see another movie with us!"

„And what did he say?"

„He didn`t say anything! I didn`t talk to him! Or better, Billy wouldn`t let me talk to him!"

„I don`t understand!"

„Apparently Jacob is ill! Billy said he must have caught something the day Charlie and I were over at the rez! But he seemed completely fine when I left!"

„So, humans do get ill! I am sure it is nothing big!"

„Yeah, it is more the way Billy said it, you know! It is just a feeling, like something is up! Like he didn`t **_want_** me to talk to him!"

„Stop worrying about it, Bella! I am sure Jacob will be fine! You two are great friends and Billy likes you! Why would he not want you to talk to him an why would Jacob suddenly stop talking to you!"

„`s not like that wouldn`t have happened before!" She mumbled under her breath but he had heard it. A wave of fear and rejection came with her bitter words and he needed a second to cope with them. He silently cursed Edward for the damage he had done before he answered.

„Please stop thinking that, Bella! Jacob would never do something like that to you! He adores you! He thinks of you like a sister! He wouldn`t hurt you!"

Jasper sent her a wave of calmness and insurance towards her and she nodded thankful.

„Yeah, you are right, I said I was overreacting."

She turned around to him again.

„So, what are our plans for this weekend? Charlie went on another fishing trip and won`t be home before Sunday evening! I am looking forward to it with horror! Seriously, how much fish do you need in a household of two people!" She tried to joke to help ease it away.

„Maybe you should suggest him to just throw them back when he got one!"

„I don`t think he would be open for that idea!"

„Probably! Anyway, I thought, maybe you would like to come over to my place! Most of the books arrived and you could help me storing them!"

Her face lighted up for real this time.

„I would love to!" Her voice sang with excitement. „And it would be nice to see, how your apartment looks like! Is it any like your old house or..?"

„Not, exactly! It`s different but it`s ok, I guess!" He shrugged his shoulders while she got her shoes and her jacket.

„Ok, I am ready, let`s go!"

They had reached the house it was in in no time and when he had opened the door for her she was struck with awe once again.

`It`s ok, I guess!`His statement came back to her and she shock her head.

`OK?! Is he serious or just mocking me?`

It was the penthouse of one of the old buildings in Forks and Bella was sure it had cost a fortune. But he was right with the point that it was different. The Cullens house had been built in a new architecture while this was in an old victorian style. The living room was big and there was a stone fireplace in the middle of one wall. The ceiling was ornate with stucco and the furniture matched the style. There were big windows that showed a view over half of the town and towards the woods and a glass door lead the way to a balcony. The only modern thing in the room was the big flat screen tv and the media station.

„You are coming inside and want to see the rest or you planning on staying there forever?" He joked and brought her out of her thoughts.

„I....WoW!" Was all she could say when she found her voice again.

„So, I can take this as you like it?" He laughed again and earned a glare.

„Hm, probably should have expected this! Tell me, are all vampires like that or is it a Cullen thing to spend lots and lots of money?"

He looked at her for a minute as if he would try to come to a decision.

„No, not all vampires are like that!" He took another breath and than continued. „But I think that my reasons why i do so are different from the Cullens!"

She realized how seperating it had sounded when he talked about him and them but let it go and focused on what he had said with words and not with the tune.

„What do you mean?"

Jasper gazed in her eyes and took another breath before he turned his back to her and walked further in the room towards the window.

„I am sorry, Jasper, I didn`t mean....I didn`t want to offend you or something!"

„You didn`t offend me, Bella! Just give me a moment to find the right words!"

Jasper stared out of the window and watched the people on the streets for another moment.

„When I said not all vampires are like that, Bella, I didn`t say that out of knowledge but experience! My life before, i told you it wasn't a pleasant one! It was, well, i lived very spartan! In every way of the word. There was a lot of fighting, a lot of pain and death! I never really enjoyed life or unlife for what it was and I did what I was told and taught to do. The things that came close to enjoyment" he stopped for a moment „well, I wouldn`t recommend it as a purpose in life! The reason why i left was because i wanted to change that. I didn´t want to exist like that anymore! And believe me when i tell you it was more an existence than a life even when i thought different then! But for the first years it was more clouded by my depressions and the aftermath of my life before. That changed when i meet Alice and then the Cullens. They taught me a way and philosophy that helped me get around the way i wanted it too and well, i could finally start living. Really having a life! I swore to myself that i would make the most and best of everything. You see, by living the way i do now; by spending money for homes or the best of what ever I want to have I remind myself! I remind myself everyday of the point! It helps me keeping it together and staying on my path because it shows me how different my life became and how grateful i should be for that! For a century there wasn`t a place in my life for books or movies or things like that and i wanted to get that back, a bit of humanity, to improve it, to make up for it! And that`s one of the reasons why your quote from Wilde about life and existing startled me yesterday for a moment! It summed it up pretty good!"

Jasper finally stopped and Bella was taken aback by his words. Not because she was afraid or shocked by what he told her but by the emotions his voice had shown while he did so. He had let her in and trusted her with something she knew was hard for him. She also knew that he had skipped the worst part and merely hinted on it. But she didn`t care. She knew he hadn`t done it out of protection - like someone else who shall stay unnamed at this point - but because it clearly was hard for him to speak about it. And she was grateful he had told her and had given her another piece of the puzzle Jasper Whitlock Hales was to her.

Before he or even she herself knew what she was doing she came over to him and took him in a deep embracement. She didn`t know what to say to him so she communicated in his way and let him feel the emotions his words had awoken in her. He returned her hug for a moment before he stepped back and smiled at her.

„Thank you!" He told her sincerely and she gave him a smile before his lips formed a smirk.

„Do me a favor and keep that in mind when I show you the next room, ok!"

„Why? What is in the next room?"

„You`ll see! Don`t start yelling, please!"

With that he opened the door and revealed a room, half the size of the living room. It had the same architecture and his ceiling was even more beautiful ornamented. Every inch of the wall was covered with old colonial wooden book shelves but for one spot in the middle where another big stone fireplace was. A few meters in front of it stood a big black leather couch and an comfy looking armchair next to it. The windows reached from the bottom to the ceiling and four huge dark-red curtains were bounded and placed along the glass wall. To her left an oriel rounded the corner with a big seating bench following under the window and lots of pillows on top of it. She knew instantly that this would become her favourite place in his apartment.

„Wow, this is beautiful!" She smiled and then added. „Forget the bookshop, I am moving in here!"

„You are always welcome, darling!" Once again his southern drawl had shown more clear in his tongue and turned her stomach upside down in a nice way. Then, suddenly she felt embarrassed over her words but that was only until she saw the dozens of boxes in the back corner.

„Oh no! Jasper, don`t tell me you got every book!"

He smiled sheepish at her and nodded.

„Would be a waste and shame if I could fill only half of the shelves now, would it?!"

She shock her head and sighted. How could she say anything after what he had just told her about his life?!

„Well, my mother would say `at least you didn`t spend your money on drugs like the other kids nowadays`!"

She earned another laugh for his words and they started unpacking.

* * *

Jasper's loud laugh filled once again the room and startled her for a moment.

`What was he doing? Is that a trick to get me off guard in an argument? Switching from dazzling to mood swings?`

„Jasper, are you alright?"

„I am fine, Bella! It`s just, the situation!"

„What situation?"

„You do realize we spend the last hour debating heatedly what system would be the best to archive our books, right?!"

`Our books`

His words stopped her from realizing the point he tried to make.

`Our books?!`

`Our` just like `we`; has a nice sound to it, hasn`t it?!`Her mind told her.

`Oh stop it! Just friends, remember!!!`

`Yeah, what ever you need to tell yourself to sleep good, girl!`

`Great, now my own mind is mocking me, too! As if Jasper wouldn`t fill the job quite good alone!`

She pushed it aside and concentrated on the situation ahead again.

„So, your point is?"

Another laugh echoed through the room!

„You really think this is a normal thing to do, don`t you?!"

„Well, I think that the right system is very important when it comes to storing books! Especially such an amount! There is a lot of things you have to keep in mind! Like the sunlight, for example! This are big windows, I do realize that the sun doesn`t come out very often, but you should know what sun does to books over time! I am not the only bookfreak here! And then you can`t just put random sizes next to each other just because of the logic of your stupid system!"

„My stupid system is called the alphabet, Bella!"

„So not the point! The point is, that if you put smaller and bigger books next to each other the pressure might distort the binding!"

„So basicly you are suggesting chaos!"

„No, just not simple alphabet! You can put them together in genres and authors and topics and the rest in one line you put together by size!"

„And how am I supposed to find them?"

„You are a vampire, Jasper! You have a photographic memory! And even if not, how long would it really take you to find it - 5 whole seconds?" Then she thought about something else and grinned inside „Look, I am just doing the job you gave me and take care of the books! If you don`t want me to anymore, just say it!"

`Ha! Two can play this manipulating thing! I might not be able to dazzle but I sure have my methods too!`

Jasper grumbled

„Fine, but I do the history section my way!"

„Whatever!" She grinned devilish.

`Victory, such a nice feeling!`

They spent the following hours completely lost in their own world. What had started out as an attempt to unpack and sort the completely random packed boxes soon became something entirely else. Every time one of them found one of their favorite books - which happened quite often since most of the books were at the favorite list of at least one of them – they started explaining the other what made this book so special. There were stories about how they first heard of it, what their life's were like when they read it, what the particular book had changed in their lifes and why - if one thought otherwise or not - this book was an essential. They also read their favorite part to each other and then discussed them. Never in the whole time they knew each other had they been so close. It was as if they would show and tell each other their deepest secrets and let them get a peek in their soul. And never before had they learned so much not just about the other but about themselves too. They were completely content and comfortable with it and probably didn`t even realize what exactly happened. They were far too much gone into their moment - their private world - were never before someone else had entered and they had so willingly shared it.

When it had started to get dark they finally realized that they had talked most of the time and not really got much of the storing done at all. There even were still a few boxes untouched and most of the shelves were still empty. Therefor the floor was covered with piles and piles of books by their desperate attempt to staple and sort the books to genres and authors. Sometimes the most heated discussion had erupted about that matter in which particular genre one book would belong.

So they finally decided to take a break and continue the other day.

Eventually Jasper had ordered pizza for Bella since she hadn`t really eaten much over the day and they had settled in the living room. After that Jasper had taken her home and went as always for a quick hunt before he found himself once again next to her watching over her sleep. And maybe even watching her with a little bit of different eyes than before.


	8. Chapter 8

**I still don`t own twilight  
**

**Important Note:**

_I am sorry for cutting short the next period of time but I have great trouble writing it and coming up with more things until I reach certain points. I debated with me for a long time even through my last chapters about it and came to the conclusion to finish the story first and maybe than reediting it (this will not mean I will change anything later but maybe to go more into some details, I might change the `Alice and Edward issue` I was never really happy about making her cheat on Jasper and that was the reason why I kept it so vague! Alice is one of my most fav. Characters but I didn`t see another way for Jasper and her to split. _

_If you have some ideas I would be very grateful for any offered help._

_for now I hope that you like the work I am able to write and continue to and thanks for every single review, it really helps me staying focused._

_You guys are great!!_

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It was Saturday morning and only a few hours later after he left when Jasper made his way back to Bella.

Bella had already eaten some breakfast and had been waiting for him to take her back to his home.

They spend the morning finishing the work they had started the day before and this time really got some work done. In the afternoon they decided to take another break and Bella had made herself something to eat. She was sentimentally touched by the realization that Jasper actually had filled his kitchen with all sorts of food for her. It showed her that he really wanted and had counted on her being in his home. She smiled over the fact and she remembered his words he had said when she made the joke about her moving in.

`You are always welcome, darling!`

His tune sent a warm shiver over her just by remembering it and she realized she did feel home here with him. Even after only so little time.

They had settled on the couch and decided to have a movie-marathon watching all three parts of `Pirates of the carebbean`.

She loved the movies. They had just the right mix of comedy and action and who would not like Captain Jack Sparrow.

Both had a good time together laughing and quoting several scene with the actors while they were playing.

„So, you are a Jack or Will fan?" Jasper finally asked her after the end of the last part.

„Hm, regarding to Elizabeth or in general?"

„How about both?"

„Well, I think more a Jack fan, even when it comes to Lizzy! At least he would let her live the life she was destined to!"

„You think that would work out?"

„Please, have you seen how he looks at her? And then that kiss and when he brands her `Pirate`? He completely adores her and is into her, if he realizes or more wants to admit it to himself and the world or not! He makes her Queen!"

„He makes her queen, because he knows she will take the road in the fight he wants himself!"

„Exactly! They are two of one kind!"

„Ok, so let`s say he would do so, what about her?"

„Hm, good question! My theory is that the shadow of Will hangs to much over her to realize what is around her or where her feelings point to! Will is save, but Jack is anything but that! I mean, the compass did point towards him so she does obviously want him but every time she sees it she gets furious. My guess, she is too afraid too afraid to act on it!"

`look who is talking`

`What? What`s that supposed to mean?`

`Hm, nothing!` Her mind mocked her

"You really love that movie, don`t you! And you are obviously completely into Elizabeth's character!"

„Is that so hard to understand? Look at her, she started as a figure in society that should always need help and protection and rescuing, but she has a great spirit! She loves and is loyal and not too afraid to act upon it! She leaves her protected and safe home for it and look where she got! She came around and became the strong woman she always was but she lost the fear to life it not caring what society said! How could you not admire her?"

„But what I don`t understand is, why you are so angry when it came closer to the end! You moodswing really took me off guard!"

„Sorry, but I don`t really like it! And it makes me furious!"

„Why? It is a happy ending!"

„Is it? This woman has clearly an adventurous nature! She went to war, became Queen of the Pirates, she killed Jack Sparrow!" She laughed. „Just to end at a lonely isolated island and play mommy and house? Come on! Do you really think that would work out for her? And what kind of statement is that to woman? That in the end, no matter what, all we are or end with is being wife and mother?!"

Jasper chuckled.

„I see your point there!" He thought about it for a second „You know you are a lot like her!"

„I don`t think so! I am not one to fight!"

„That`s not true!"

„Jasper, I am the one that needs rescue the whole time!"

„And yet I remind you again, you walked up to James! Out of loyalty and love! You left your safety house and home just the same to fight! You do have the spirit! Besides, as you pointed out, Elizabeth started this way, too! Who knows what the future holds in store for you!"

She blushed deeply by his words and a warm feeling tingled in her stomach.

„With my luck, better don`t jinx it!"

He laughed out and she joined with a smile before she started yawning.

„You are tired, you should get some rest!"

His words awoke several emotions in her that hit him unexpected. There was sadness, sorrow and then embarrassment. `Why was she embarrassed?`

„I don`t want to go home yet!" She finally confessed in a whisper.

„Hm, you can stay over, if you want to!"

„Really?" Her face lighted up with the option and so did her feelings.

„Of course, I told you, you are always welcome and I would have brought you over tomorrow again anyway!"

She smiled sincerely but then stopped again.

„You sure it is ok, I mean I don`t want to get in your way!"

„Bella, you don`t get in my way! It`s not as if I would use my bed myself!" `And I would sit next to you and watch you sleep anyway!` He add to himself.

„Oh, but I don`t have clothes with me!" She remembered.

„We`ll find something for you! Now, go get your human minutes, I will lay something to wear on the bed for you!"

„Ok!" She bounced in an very unBella way off the couch and rushed to his bathroom. She loved his bathroom. Never had she seen a so luxury one! There was a huge tube bedded in the middle of the room on a pedastal and a shower on his right. Everything was made of white marble and it silently begged her to use it. Without thinking she got off her clothes and stepped into the shower. The water was warm and she relaxed immediately. She found some soap in the corner smelling of almond and gave it a try. After she was finished she dried her hair and got out again. Like promised Jasper had laid a shirt and some boxers for her on his bad and she was surprised how well they fit. Of course they were a little it to large for her but it was still comfy. After she was finished she heard a soft knock at the door.

„Everything alright?"

„Yeah, I am fine and thanks for the clothes!" While she had answered him she had stepped to the door and opened it. Jasper was standing right in front of her and gave her an intense stare.

`Oh dear Lord! My shirt looks damn good at her!`

`And you thought her intellect was sexy, HA!`

`Now try picture her in it with messy bed-hair and swollen....

`OR NOT!!!`

„Jasper, uhh, please don`t get this wrong, but your eyes are quite dark. Do you need to, uhh, hunt? You didn`t go the whole day and you said you normally do it at night!" She started babbling.

„Hunting, uh, right!" He stated trying to ignore what the real reason for his dark eyes were and turned his head slightly. „Yeah, maybe later, I think I can wait till you fell asleep!"

„You sur?`It is really no problem, I can stay alone, if you don?t mind me being here alone that is!"

„Really, Bella, it`s ok! You are save!"

„I am not afraid Jasper! Do you feel me being afraid?"

„No, but you are nervous!"

„Yeah!" She admitted and looked to her feet embarrassed. „That`s another reason!"

„Care to exlain?"

„Well, I was wondering, I mean, it`s a stupid idea, and you really don`t have to and, never mind!"

„Bella, just say it!"

„Well, I was thinking if you maybe could, uh, read to me?!" Her last words had come out in only a whisper and another strong wave of embarrassment had hit him. He smiled.

„Sure, why not! Any special wishes?"

„No, just pick something you like!"

„Very well then!" He smirked at her. „I`ll be there in a second!"

He turned around and walked to their library while she got over to his bed. It was a huge victorian style king size one made out of dark wood with engraved ornaments. Never had she laid in a bed more comfortable than this. It was heaven. She snuggled further in it when Jasper had made his way back. He sat down in the corner leaving a little space between them and started reading one of her favorite books `Pride and Prejudice`.

Bella closed her eyes and was mesmerized by his voice. She had realized that the other day when he had first read something to her. Of course she had known he had a beautiful voice, all the Cullens had, but when Jasper read, especially when he read something he liked, his voice got even more seraphically. Every word was pronounced by him as it would be a own symphony and his voice was full of emotions. You lost yourself immediately in it and the words he told you. Pictures started floating her mind as if she would actually be right there at the place he created with his voice. She could listen forever to him. It was simply beautiful.

* * *

But Bellas nearly blissful state didn`t keep for long after this night. Every day she tried to reach Jacob and with every phone call she got more and more desperate. And so did Jasper. He couldn`t understand what changed this sudden behaviour in Billy and Jacob and was nearly about to break the treaty and go down La Push himself to beat some sense in the boy. Bellas nightmares had come back with a new strong force that weaken himself and his power to an never reached point. It was worse than the first time he had come back because now it was not only the pain of Edward leaving coming back at once but also the loss of one of her best friends she feared.

And then, 10 days later he found her completely broken down in her room. Apperently she had done what he was thinking about. She had driven down to the rez to confront Jacob and was informed by Billy that he wasn`t even at home. He wasn`t ill anymore and hang out with a boy called Embry. But it was the last sentence that sent her over the edge.

„_Look, Bella, I am really sorry, but I told Jacob that you tried to reach him and if he would wanted to talk to you, he would call himself! Just, give him some time to sort out some things first!"_

Bella didn`t really know how she made it back home. Billys words had shocked her trough the core. She could feel herself drifting right back to the day when she had last seen _**him**_ and heard his voice telling her his last words.

„Oh!" was everything she had answered and before Billy could react and repair the damage he had done she was in her van again and drove away. The tears had come on the way and she was surprised she had made it home without any accidents. She hadn`t been in any state to drive, the world around her was a blur and it was as if her body had acted on his own without any help of her brain at all.

She was lucky, or so she thought about it, that Charlie had left the house only minutes before she arrived back home. Letting him see her in this state again would have given her the final deathblow. He remembered how hearthbroken he had been and that he same as she just recovered from it. But she could wallow now, could let it out knowing Charlie had another late shift and wouldn`t come home until late at night.

She didn`t know how long she had spent in this state laying on her bed until she felt strong cold arms wrapping themselves around her and smoothing her down.

„He doesn`t want to talk to me, Jasper!"

She finally told him after her tears stopped.

„I don`t understand what I have done! Why do people always do this to me? Am I that horrible to be around that you can only be in my presence for so long before you can`t stand it any longer?"

„Shh, Bella, what are you talking about? What happened? What brought that thinking back?"

„Jacob!" was all she said and she could hear Jasper growl in response.

„What did he do?" He hissed.

„Nothing! That`s exactly it! I drove down to talk to him but he wasn`t even at home! Billy told me he doesn`t want to talk to me, he had to figure out something!"

Another growl from Jasper followed her words she just hold him. Again Jasper had to fight the strong urge to go down La Push and kick his ass but he didn`t move. He couldn`t leave her alone in this state. So he staid and hold her tide while fighting his inner battle. He knew he couldn`t stand much longer in this position, too afraid he would lose it around her but he couldn`t bring himself to go and break her clinch at him either. She hold onto him as if her bare life would depend on it.

Half an hour later she had calmed down.

„I am sorry for that!"

„Please don`t be sorry, love!"

Hearing him using one of his pet names for her warmed her inside and gave her another wave of strength.

„Jasper, would you read to me, please?"

She asked him and he gave her a warm smile.

„Of course!"

He reached to her bedstand and took the copy of Wuthering Hights while she curled herself in her blankets and closed her eyes.

His melodic voice filled the room and soon she was lost in it once again and forgot everything around her. Hearing him reading was like a medicine that healed her from the inside and helped her forgot all the cruel on the outside. It worked every time.

It took him only two chapters until she felt more to her normal self and another wave of hope filled her.

Billy had said he needed to figure some things out first. Wouldn`t that mean that he had intensions to talk to her again. Maybe he would explain to her what happened. Maybe that wasn`t even about her. She remembered Billy had said something about spending time with Embry. The name sounded strangely familiar to her. Had Jacob told her about him? Wasn`t he one of Sam`s gang? Before she could form further theories and thoughts her body regained his full awareness again. She felt a sudden wave of thirst and hunger shot through her. She hadn`t eaten that much today and the tears had probably drained her more she had realized.

Jasper had stopped reading and looked at her.

„You should eat something!"

She nodded in response and got up.

„I`ll be right back!"

„Ok!" He smiled at her once again and she could feel the warm tingles in her stomach returning, she seemed to have more often now in his presence. More specific every time he gave her one of his smiles. She ignored them and turned around just like she always did.

Going to the bathroom first she splashed some cold water in her face. Her eyes had turned back to normal again and weren`t swollen at all. She must have spent more time she had thought listening to his reading. But that wasn`t any surprise to her. She always lost herself in it. `At least that you can admit.`

Making her way down to the kitchen she drank a glass of water and was about to get some cereals when a knock on the door interrupted her.

She made her way to the door and opened it. It revealed the one person she had been crying and nearly dying to see and speak to again.

„Jacob! It`s so good to see you! I missed you!"


	9. Chapter 9

_I don`t own twilight  
_

_I know this is very occ especially for Bella and highly unlikly to happen but I had so much fun writing it, I just couldn`t change it afterwards _

_hope you like it_

a big thanks goes to mmsimpy09 she helped me a lot with this chapter and the following, and you should check out her story by the way, it`s not a twilight but it is damn good!!

also thanks to lp23 and everyone who reviewed

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Jasper sat in Bella's bedroom listening to the sounds she made downstairs when suddenly a smell hit his nose and he whirled around.

He knew that smell, he had smelled it before and he had come across it the last weeks while he was hunting. But he couldn`t point his finger at it. What was he missing? Before he could go on with his thoughts a knock at the door interrupted him and he heard Bella going to answer it.

`Stop her! Danger! `His brain and instincts screamed and he whirled downstairs full speed. But it was too late. Bella had already opened the door and the smell hit him full force and that`s when it clicked.

`Werewolf!`

"Jacob!" Her relief screamed in her voice. " It`s so good to see you!I missed you!"

Bella wanted to launch herself at him but he stepped back which startled her for a moment and she felt like she had gained another slap in the face. Then she heard a growl behind her and turned.

"Bella, step beside!" Jasper was in fighting stance.

"What? Jasper please don`t! How can you after what happened?" She turned to Jacob and saw he wasn`t taking the reunion so easy either. His gaze was fixed at Jasper and every muscle in his body tensed.

"Bella, I need to talk to you! Alone!"

He pronounced every word with fire.

"Jacob, what happened? Why are you two behaving so strange?"

"Step away, Bella!" Jasper told her again.

"Don`t tell her what to do!"

Hate was singing in Jacobs voice and it shocked Bella for a moment.

`What am I missing here?`

"I have my reasons to do so and you know them! Just trying to keep her save!" Jasper hissed and Jacob laughed in his face.

"What is going on with you two? I thought we were friends and suddenly you behave like mortal enemies!"

That broke their stare for a second and both gazed at her now.

`What did I say?`

The figure of speech `mortal enemies`echoed through her brain but it still didn`t click. Was Jasper angry because Jacobs behaviour and her down break? But why was Jacob behaving so strangely? She was missing something. What had changed in the 2 weeks she didn`t heard a word of Jacob.

Both of them were glancing at the other again.

"Bella, I really need to talk to you!" Jacob pleaded.

"I am not letting her go with you!" Jasper growled.

"This is non of your business, bloodsucker!" Jacob spat in his face.

That was it. Jacob knew.

"How, when, what?" Her brain was unable to form a sentence. "How do you know?"

"It was me who told you about them in the first place, remember! Look, I am just trying to protect you here!"

And with that it clicked. She remembered the day Jacob told her. Remembered the legends about his folk and the Cullens and then the words `mortal enemy`came back once again. She remembered what Jacob told her about Sam and his `gang`the last time she saw him. They called themselves `protector`, too.

`Could it be? Was Jacob..? Was that because he was away for the past days? Were the legends true, all of them? And was Jacob one of them now?`

She looked at Jacob again. He had changed. Had grown a lot and he looked more mature. But there was something else different about him. Something she couldn`t point her finger at but it laid in his aura if you want to describe it that way.

"Jacob, is there something you want to tell me? Something about you? Something regarding the legends you told me about? Something about this `cult`you called Sam`s gang?!"

Bella could tell they were both surprised. The look Jacob gave her full of surprise, shock and even fear only manifesting the guess she had made.

"Jacob, are you a wolf?"

"Bella?" Jasper couldn`t believe it and so apparently couldn`t Jacob.

"No!" He tried to cover it and did a bad job with it by the way.

"Don`t lie to me, Jacob Black!"

"What are you talking about? Werewolves, this is insane?"

The events caught up with her and Bella felt her temper rise. She had realized that this happened more often since her first breakdown. Every time she felt emotional weak and drained her temper would leach out.

"You mean like calling Jasper a bloodsucker? Letting him not come to La push? Behaving like a complete idiot right now?"

Jacob started shaking and Jasper took a step towards Bella what didn`t go well with Jacob.

"Bella, please, you have to step back!"

Now it was at Jasper to plea with her but she was determent to solve this. She was afraid what would happen if she would step away from in between them. She felt Jasper sending out waves of calm to them and continued.

"Jacob Black, you are telling me the truth right now!"

"Bella, can we just talk alone please!"

"No way, dog! You are still young! Too young, I have met your kind before and there is no way I will let her go with you unprotected! What if you loose it!"

"Me loosing it?" He laughed. "I think being with you couldn`t hardly be considered as save, leach!"

"That is enough!" She told them with a sharp voice. "You two will behave! I will not choose between my 2 best friends! Now you obviously don`t want me to be alone with the other so, we will talk about this together! Apparently both of you already know! It is out in the open and I will not take any of this crap anymore! You want to convince the other that you are civilized. Behave like it!"

That shocked both of them and Jasper chuckled.

`Only Bella could react like this!`

"I will not be in the same room with him! And I will not let you!"

"Let me? LET ME?" She shouted again anger overtaking her. "I am my own person! I can make my own decisions! I was alone with Jasper for weeks now! You didn`t seem to have any problems then with it! And if he wanted me dead, believe me, I would be already!"

Apparently that wasn`t the smartest thing to say because Jacob started shaking.

"Calm down, Bella! Don`t anger him! He is still young."

I felt Jaspers power washing over me calming me down and Jacob too. He had stopped trembling but still glared at Jasper and her.

"Ok, you are right, we will handle this calmly! I just don`t understand why you behave like that! I mean, you two were friends, remember, we had fun together. So, you are a werwolf, he is a vampire, can`t you just get over it?"

"Get over it?" Jacob started to get angry again.

"You don`t just get over it! How can you even be near him! Are you suicidal?"

"Jacob, Jasper never harmed me, quite the contrary! He saved my life a few times now! He wouldn`t kill me!"

"Oh, wouldn`t he. Because vampires are so trustworthy!" He spat.

"Your grandfather trusted them! Remember, the treaty! You are bound to it, too!"

"how do you know about this?" Jasper was astound but ignored.

"We still don`t socialise with them! They are not friends!"

"You did before why can`t you now?"

"Because now I know! It changes everything!"

"I can`t believe that!" She stated bewildered. "Especially someone with your history should react differently!"

"What? My history? What history? It is my history that brought me here!"

"I didn`t mean that! You are native american, Jacob! Do you remember how your people were treated when the Europeans came here? How they still are? Do you remember what they used to think about you just for what you are? That they considered you as wild and uncivilised? They hunted you! They hunted and slaughtered you like animals! Just because!"

"This is something completely different! I can`t believe you are bringing this up! We are human! They are not! They **are** wild beasts! They **are** monsters! They drink blood and kill people! This is cautious and necessary to survive!"

"No, it is racism and prejudice! You hate him not for the person he is but for the species and race he belongs to! This is the definition of racism and for someone who is a victim of that himself you really shouldn`t be so hypocritical! Now, I am not saying that every vampire is a good guy, but he is! He was your friend before! So, he drinks blood, animal blood, may I remind you! He never gave you any reason to doubt that! He never so much as made a move! He still lives by the treaty your folk made with theirs! He is not a monster! I will not let you talk about him that way! He is my friend, Jacob and so are you! You want to be human and civilized, I say it again, behave like it because right now, non of you does! Right now both of you behave like the thing you accuse the other he would be! Stop that! I am in the middle of this and I believe that non of you wants me to be, right? You will work out your issues right now and preferable inside this house! I doubt that any of you wants someone else to hear more about this!"

"Bella, I can`t just look over this and act like nothing happened!"

"But nothing did happen, Jacob! And I don`t want you to ignore it! I want you to face it and then put it aside! Come to think about, it was you who broke the treaty by telling me! I know you didn`t do this on purpose! I know you didn`t believe in it, but you still broke it! You owe him!"

"I don`t owe him shit!"

"Yes you do!" She thought about it and then decided to follow a different strategy calmly she continued. "He saved my life, Jacob! If you really are my friend. If you really only want my health and best you should be grateful for the fact that he is what he is because if he wouldn`t, I would be dead right now!"

That actually seemed to work. Jacob thought about what she said and calmed down. She used this exact moment to grab him and pull him inside the house before she shot the door behind. He was far to baffled by her reaction to stop it.

"Wow, your skin is hot! It`s like you have a fever!"

"Yeah, I know!"

She grinned.

"What?"

"Nothing, it`s funny, you are hot, he is cold, you are a werewolf, he is a vampire. Am I the only normal person around? And what`s up with that? If someone actually would need some extra strength and power it definitely would be me! Look in what kind of situations I always come! It`s so not fair!"

That seemed to break the ice both laughing at my comment.

"Good thing we are around then!" Jasper answered chuckling.

"Glad I amuse you!" She said sarcastic and made her way to the couch. After another minute of their staring contest they followed and sat down. Both of them trying to stay away from each other as far as possible but being close to her at the same time.

Minutes went by in awkward silence.

"You sting!" Finally Jacob said, not the best thing so, but at least he said something.

"Look, who is talking!" Jasper shot back.

"Boys!" I mumbled under her breath, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

"Hey!" Both turned to her at the same time speaking in perfect synchronicity.

"See, you actually can work together!" She grinned. "Let`s try to explore that!"


	10. Chapter 10

_**I don`t own twilight**_

**so, this is the new chapter, it went different than expected  
**

**great thanks at mmsympy09 and lp23 you guys are such great help!!**

**also thanks for every review and for everyone who put me on alert or on his favorite list, hope you further enjoy my story**

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Bella sat on the couch alone thinking about the event of the days.

"Why does it always have to be me? What have I done in my past life that theses things follow me every step?"

Jacobs words before he went home again still echoed in her mind.

"Bella, I really don't know what to make out off all of this! You have to understand that, like I said before, wolfs and vampires don't hang out! We are mortal enemies, this is in our gene pool! And I have to admit, it surprises me that we actually were able to spend as much time together as we did tonight without ripping us to pieces!" He had stopped at that point thinking about his next words before he continued.

"Look, I am really sorry, I guess no one of us wants to hurt you and it pains me how things turned out to be, but this is not only me we are talking here about! I am part of a pack and I told you how Sam reacts to them and believe me, he is not the only one! Even if, which still is much unlikely, I could come around, this is not really possible! And I am not really comfortable thinking about you spending time with him, alone on top of it!"

For that he had earned another glare from her.

"I know, stubbornness is one of your virtues! But...I don't know, Bella! This is your decision, and I cant keep guard on you the whole time and I don't want to rip you in two either but, this is a lot to think about here! And I really don't see a way! The others will treat me as a traitor and to be honest, I would feel like one, too! Either way people I like and love will get hurt and what are you expecting? I need them, I am a young wolf, I am part of the pack, I cant turn my back on our roots and our rules! But I don't want to turn my back on you either! Especially considering what you been through! I guess, I have to think about it! And maybe time, I don't know, I hope you understand!"

She had told Jacob more or less everything that really happened since she moved to Forks and met Edward and the Cullen's. Of course she neglected to mention certain things like her birthday. She was pretty sure that wouldn't have helped in any way. When she had told him about the encounter with James, Jacob had been furious. Funny thing was, he had been furious with her about her stupid move to meet James alone and actually expressed his thanks to Jasper for saving her at least in some way. Jasper had nodded in response. Come to think about, Jasper hadn't said much at all even after Jacob was gone. He had felt her need to be alone for a moment and went upstairs in her room leaving her to her thoughts.

What was he thinking about all of this?

With that question she finally went and opened the door to find Jasper sitting on her bed drifting in his own thoughts. His face was stiff and she could see a little anger in it. He didn't look at her so she just stood at her door. And suddenly the thought hit her that he hadn't left her alone because she needed to think but because he needed to alone.

"You're angry with me!" She finally pointed out.

"No, I am angry at myself!" He corrected and confused her.

"Why are you angry at yourself?"

He turned his head towards her and looked at her for a moment before he turned his gaze away again.

"Because I should have known!" He pointed out.

"What? That only me could have another mystical creature in her inner circle?"

"That too, but that's not what I am talking about! I am angry because he took me by surprise, Bella! I am angry because apparently a century of," he stopped obviously changing the word he was about to say first, "my experience just flew out of the window! I am angry because this should never have happened!"

His anger rose in his voice and caught her off guard but it made her only angry, too. OK, to be honest, his last words had hurt her but she didn't want to be hurt right now and anger covered it pretty good. So she snapped at him.

"Look, I am sorry for bringing you in this position! No one is forcing you to endure this! If it was so hard for you, you could have just gone!" She yelled at him.

"And leave you alone with him? Without any protection? I don't think so!"

"Well, if that is all that you're doing here, than yes! I don't need another protector! I would like to have a real friend for a change! I thought that's what we were, but again I was taught better! I wonder how often I have to stumble into situations like this before I finally realize that apparently this would be to good to be true!" She had failed miserable in hiding her hurt behind her anger and it was brought out full force over her last words. She turned around and was about to run to the bathroom in a desperate attempt to at least not let him see her cry if he couldn't feel it already.

But she only made it two steps before she felt strong arms gripping her and pressing her to his chest.

"I am sorry!"

His now tender voice whispered to her while he tried to smooth her.

"I am really sorry! I never meant it that way! Please don't cry, love!"

"No!" She tried to free herself of his grip getting hysterical but he just hold her tighter.

She felt his scent luring her towards him and she knew he had used his predator powers to draw her in for the first time.

"Let me go!" She tried for a last time.

"Never going to happen!" With his words a wave of calm, peace, warmth, security and love flooded through her and she stopped. It felt like home, he felt like home and she wasn't ready to leave it. Her body reacted instinctively and leaned into him. Her sobs calmed down but there were still a few tears rolling down her cheek.

"Shh, love! Please don't feel this way! I wish you would just stop feeling so insecure!" With another move he had pulled her in his arms and carried her to her bed and sat down. He continued stroking her back while she calmed down more and more.

"Why did you say those things?" Her voice whispered.

"I meant them in a complete different context!"

"How?"

"What I meant never had anything to do with you! Not really! I was angry, because I told you, I've met his kind before, and not just once! I should have recognized the scent days or more weeks before! I did come across it when I was hunting! When I said this should never have happened, I meant I never should have let you and me just walk into it like this! Do you have any idea how close I came to ripping him apart?"

"But why?"

"Because when I say I've met his kind, what I really meant was I fought his kind! And they fought us! People I liked and cared for died in these fights, were hunted down by them. Vampires are very revenging creatures, Bella. Not just when it comes to our mates! And when he stepped through this door, something inside me screamed for revenge. And when you let him inside, when you made me sit down with him to talk, lets just say I was a little busy keeping myself calm while calming him and you at the same time!"

"I am sorry! I just missed him so much! I don't want to lose either one of you!"

"I know! And I am actually proud of you!"

"Why?"

"Because only you Bella would be able to bring a vampire and a werewolf together and talk! Maybe you should go into politics! They do need people like that in the middle east!" He chuckled

"Good idea, Jasper, sending me in a war region surly would complete my danger magnet! And you say I am the one asking for it by riding bikes!" She answered sarcasticly but her mood lightened.

"I am just saying, besides the whole ripping in pieces thing, this was quite interesting!"

"So, there really is no chance of you two getting along?"

He sighted deeply before he answered.

"I don't know! I know I can't blame him for the things that have happened in my past, but he is right, it is in our gene pool! And he is so young! If he was at least old enough to control himself! I know he wouldn't want to hurt you, but I also know, maybe better than anyone, how easy those intentions can fly out of the window when something else takes over!"

He stopped again and stiffened for a second before he continued.

"You have to understand that I know how important he is to you, and I will try to keep that in mind but just like him I need time to do so! You are a strong link between us, we both want you to be happy and safe, it's going to be funny to see how we work this out!" He chuckled again and his words sent a shiver down her spine. A warm one. She could feel her stomach twisting over it and her head went up to look at him.

"Thank you, Jasper!"

Suddenly she realized how close they were to each other. She was still laying in his lap and his arms secured her to him holding her close. Looking up had brought their faces only inches from the others and she looked in his eyes. Jasper held her gaze in his and suddenly she felt a pull towards him. Like she would loose herself in their depth. She could feel the air around them tensing and her gaze dropped down to his lips.

She never realized how beautiful he really was and those lips mesmerized her. Without realizing her tongue licked over her own lips and suddenly both of them leaned closer towards each other. Her eyes darted up to his again and the tension between them grew. Their lips were only a breath away from each other now and she could feel his breath on her skin.

Then a loud bang brought them back to reality.

"Bella, I'm home!"

The voice of her father echoed trough the house and both darted away in different corners of her bed.

"Uh!" Jasper stumbled clearly uncomfortable and irritated by what just happened " I think I should go! Your father is coming upstairs!"

"OK!" Was all she could reply.

`What was that????`

"Yeah, I need to go to the bathroom, anyway!"

`Wow, I managed to built a sentence!`She congratulated herself.

"OK, and um, I need to hunt!" He had jumped off the bed by now and stood next to the window.

"Yeah, OK!" She stumbled again.

"I guess, I'll see you around!" Jasper tried again still uncomfortable.

"Yep!" What was it with the monosyllabic?

"Yeah, so!" He started again.

"See you!" She tried to put in her two cents and with that he nearly flew outside and was gone. She couldn`t even think about what happened before she heard a knock on her door.

"Bella? Are you in there?"

"Uhh, yes, Dad!" She answered. "I uh, I am changing, I was about to go in the bathroom!" She tried.

"Oh, ok! I will be downstairs!"

"Thanks, dad!"

And with that her inner monologue or better dialogue started.

`OK, what did just happen?`

She let the last minutes repeat through her mind. Ok, they had been fighting, even a bit yelling and then he had apologized and..

`AND?! Come on girl, say it! You nearly kissed!`

`NO!`

`Please, you fight, you make up again! How more obvious could it get?`

`Making up? We are not a couple!`

`well, you sure act like one!`

`Do not!`

`Uhu! Sure! Let`s try a different approach here, do you honestly want to say you didn`t want to kiss him?`

`Uh, well..`

`Bella, I am you!! I have a inside look!`

`Yeah, well, the view can change and be misinterpreted!`

`Oh, girl , you got it bad!`

`No, I don`t! I love Edward, remember!`

`Do you realize?`

`realize what?`

`You just said his name!`

`So?! I said his name before!`

`Yeah? When was the last time? And especially when was the last time without dripping over in pain?!`

`That has nothing to do with this!`

`Doesn`t it?! Who do you think has brought you to this point?`

`Oh, just stop it! There is nothing going on! We are friends and that`s it! Even if, as if he would have any interest!`

`You were here just minutes ago, right?`

`I am not talking or thinking about this anymore!`

And with that she shut herself up and went to have a shower.

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**So, i hope you guys liked it, it might take a few more days before i can update again but i try to do it asap, if you have any ideas/ suggestions, please let me know, help is always appreciated **


	11. Chapter 11

**_Yeah, I still don`t own it, but I am about to form a plan_ ;)**

**Finally! I thought I would never be able to update and write this chapter! I would definitly never have been able to do so without the huge help of mmsimpy09 and lp23 you really kept me focus and helped me going on with ideas and suggestions**

**Also thanks to every single review and alert and favorite, because that helped a lot too!! **

**

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Jasper was leaning against her window and watching her sleeping figure. The minute he had leaped out of her window he had closed his mind and ran. Not just from the house but more from his mind and his own self. He had drained a few deers and even found a bear a little deeper in Forks woods but yet again found himself in front of her house later on and the thoughts returned.

`What just happened?`

His own words had haunted him and repeated itself in his mind.

`Let me go!`

`Never going to happen!`

He could still feel the warmth of her body when he had pulled her into his lap. How on earth could he have done that?

`How could you let things go so far?`

Her scent had never left him, even in the few hours he had spent in the woods it had floaded around him. Had taunted him from the back of his mind and he had been afraid to get close to it again.

He had managed to ignore the building tension and the pull he started to feel towards her in the last days but after tonight?!

It would be easier if he would of at least known what was going on! Was he just lonely, did he miss Alice and tried to shift his feelings in another direction to stop his hurt? Was it more? He knew he wasn`t in love with her, he liked her of course! And he likes spending time with her! They actually had a lot in common! More that he would have ever guessed! And, ok, it was a bit more than just liking her! He had feelings for her, he was protective of her; he felt like she could be the only remaining person he had. So was it maybe a fixasion? Was that what was behind this?

Jasper sighed

Considering the fact that he was an empath he was having really big problems right now figuring out what emotions were inside him and more important her! She really had become good in shielding herself from the world and him!

Was it possible that even if he wasn`t in love with her now, he was on his way to? But how could that be? Not just because she is human! He knew she was in love with Edward, and he was in love with her. No matter what he had tried to tell her and himself he was sure that sooner or later Edward would come to his senses and return to her. Even if he had appereantly certain distractions in his mind when Jasper had left.

A growle left him thinking about it.

The question was, would she let him back in her life? He had felt her starting to close the door on her past, had felt the easing pain and feelings before the dissaster with Jacob had happened and they had crushed down on her again.

So why had she reacted the way she did tonight. It sure had felt like an argument and a probitiation that went a little beyond a friendship even brother-sister relation. And that was without the almost kiss! And suddenly it hit him and he remembered.

`Of course! You idiot!`

`You had lurled her in!`

When she had tried to push him away he had used his luring power to invite her towards him because he didn`t want to let her go but was afraid he might hurt her by tightening his grip. No wonder she had felt a pull and desire towards him!

`How could you have so stupidly toyed with her feelings?!`

He cursed himself again and again.

`You know, you sure deserve the dilemma you are in right now for that!`

Jasper shock his head. How should he explain that to her? He sure couldn`t just walk up to her and tell her to just ignore and forget it. And when he was at it tell her to better not trust any feelings she was about to have being around him at all because on top of being a vampire with luring powers, he was an empath and could let her feel anything he was feeling if he doesn`t control his bondaries!

`Great job, Jasper! What a way to establish trust!`

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The next two days past in an awkward uneventful blur. None of them wanted to adress what happened trying to just ignore the issue. Still both of them awaited more or less afraid if the other would want or try to approach it.

The fact that they found themselves covered in school assignment and homework helped to keep their mind off things to. At least hers since he probably did already every possible assigment any teacher could come up with a dozend of times.

The most funniest one, at least for their privat humour, was a history assignment about a pressentation of an asspect of the Civil War. Bella, who knew at this point that Jasper had been a soldier, or better the youngest Major of Texas in this war, suggested they could do a little `fake`interview where they could tell how the dayly routin of a soldier through wartime was. After a few jokes and comments they had told Angela who was in their group too and she was open to the idea. At the moment all three of them sat on a table in the library discussing how they would want to work their idea out. Angela had suggested to include the routins of nurses to, since they were close to the battlefields and soldiers, too, she had liked their idea but still was a little thoughtful about where they would get enough informations from.

„Lucky for us we have an expert about this topic in the group!"

Bella answered without thinking and Jasper stiffened for a second.

„Uh, I mean the way you are into history! You are probably the only one I know who is into this stuff the way you are!"

`Ok, this was close!`

Jasper rose a brow.

„Yeah, I love history, it`s always good to know the past to understand the present and maybe see where the future is heading!"

Now it was on Bella to stiffen and her head spun towards him. She dared in his eyes.

„So, would it be possible for you to share this knowledg with me to get a little inside about what is going on?"

„The thing with history is that you have to see it from the point of view of the people who lived at the time to fully understand their actions!"

„And do you see yourselve capable of doing this?"

„Honestly no! But I still like to hear the thoughts of the people who have experienced it themselves to form my opinion!"

„But just because you have expirienced something doesn`t mean you have to acknowledge it!"

„What are you trying to say?"  
„I am trying to say that sometimes especially the people who have esperienced it themselves are the one who want to leave it in the dark!"

„So, would you consider this and respect their wishes when you form your own questions or would you prefer to find out what it was that they are leaving in the dark and didn`t want to talk about?"

„I think it would be better to concentrate on the commen and proven facts! I can imagine that the people who had experienced theese things would have a good reason why they left it in the dark in the first place!"

`Ok, you have to stop this now Bella!! Remember Angela!`

`But why do I have the feeling we are suddenly talking about something entirely else?`

`Ignore it! Remember our discussion! He can feel what is going on in you so just don`t let anything go on at all! Focus!`

„ I mean, that sometimes it is better to ignore certain aspects to be able to go on with your life especially when you are a soldier at war!"

„I see! Maybe you are right with that!" Jasper finally answered giving both the feeling of having reached a mutual agreement.

She turned towards Angela and found her staring at both of them.

„Ok, that is an interesting approach!" Angela started while looking intensly at Bella and then turned towards Jasper. „So, maybe you have some recommendation which books would be good to start our research with, then?!"

`Bless your soul!`Bella sighted reliefed.

They continued working on the assignment for another couple of hours. Jasper had went through the library to look for usefull books which made Bella laugh inside. As if there would be any book in here who could teach Jasper something new about this particular topic. But since they would have to keep up apperences having at least a few books laying in front of him would be a good start.

Having finished with more than the rare construction about their presentation they decided to leave it there. It was already late and starting to get dark outside and Jasper insisted on giving Angela a ride home, too. He also had promised to work on some answeres at home using his own `collection`, and told them he would bring some of them with him tomorrow. Angela had taken the book she had already been working with about nurses in war home and wanted to look further into it. They agreed to meet the day after tomorrow again to assemble what each of them had found out.

After they took Angela home silence fell upon them again. Still Bella felt more at ease since their agreement in the library. She still wasn`t sure if they had both agreed on the same things but could only hope that this ridiculous situation would just vanish.

"So, want me to use my accent?"

"Huh?" Bella asked confused after having been ripped out of her thoughts.

Jasper chuckled.

"I asked if you want me to let my southern accent shine through during the presentation. Would things make even more realistic!"

"Jasper, I am interviewing you about your own life! I highly doubt there would be anything more realistic than letting you `play`the soldier!"

"I could wear my uniform, too!" He chuckled even more and she glared at him.

"Are you mocking me? Do you really think you of all people would be in the possition to do this now?"

"Ha, I think there wouldn`t be anyone more suitable to do so!"

„Is that so? You do realize that you have much more to lose here than I do, right!"

„Oh, come on Bella, have a little fun!" He tried again and hit her with a wave of euphoria. Bella started grinning until a thought stroke her.

„Yes, Sir, Major Sir! I will, Sir!" She answered and they both started laughing. The tension that had been between them the last days eased away and she hoped that everything would get to normal again.

And in a way it did. She asked Jasper to tell her a few more stories about his human life the next day. All in the sake of her education and they started to form their own hidden and subtle humour in answering the questions they would use.

But both minds still came back from time to time to the intimate minutes they had shared in her room a few days ago.

They could ignore, hide or pretend as much as they would like, sooner or later they would have to face what was going on around them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Still don`t own twilight **

**ok, here is the next one, i hope you like, let me know**

**i raise my glass to mmsimpy09, cheers ;) and you really should read her story Dead Hunting it is just amazing, and funny and has everything you need in a story  
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**also a hug to lp23, and if you like Jasper, you should read her story Conspiracy! it is simply great and has a nice twist in the twilight universe!**

**thanks to all readers and of course reviewers!! **

**Here it goes, please enjoy**

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Routine had settled once again around Bella and Jasper. They had finished their assignment in history much to the pleasure of the whole class. But also their teacher had been pleased by their little performance since he had finally seen something different from the usual shemes he saw every year. There was only one part when Bella nearly broke down laughing in tears when he actually had corrected Jasper about something he had said. The face Jasper had made was priceless. Bella could see it boil under his firm expression and nearly heard Jasper asking how he would want to know.

But of course Jasper had stayed quiet only to let it out later when he was alone with Bella. Apparently there where a few faults in the historybooks about the war which angered Jasper to the core. But it wasn`t like he could just use the argument `Oh, yeah, I was there I know what I am talking about!`

It was in that moment that Bella made a note to never buy Jasper a book regarding this subject out of fear he would snap something like `history being written by the winner`.

They had fallen back in their known comfort around each other and Bella was glad that everything seemed forgotten and same as usual.

But shoving the Jasper situation out of her mind was only half of her problems that kept her busy these days and apparently now nights, too.

Charlie was already asleep, but her mind didn`t find peace.

She hadn`t heard from Jacob since the Talk anymore and that had been nearly a week now. She had picked up the phone and was close to calling him several times during that week and once even was about to drive down to the rez herself to confront him. But each time something had stopped her. Bella didn`t know what exactly it was but every time she wanted to get in contact with him a feeling of betrayal rose in her.

At first she had thought she felt betrayed by Jacob but then she had realized that he hadn`t really done anything that would fall in this category. Jacob had tried to be as understanding as possible considering his position and merrily asked for time. So why did she feel betrayal? Was it possible that it was her own? But regarding towards whom?

Jasper's face came in her mind and it confused her.

Why would she feel like betraying Jasper when she got in contact with Jacob? He told her the same thing Jacob did, that he would understand and that he would just needed time himself. On the other side he had also told her that werewolves had killed people that were close to him, and had on top tried to kill him several times. But that wasn`t Jacob, right, that had been other wolves.

Another thought struck her. Jacob had told her that his loyalties would lay with his pack. That of course he loved and cared for her and would never harm her and did everything in his power to do the exact opposite. But in the end he was part of the pack and couldn`t turn his back on his rules and roots. So his words. He needed them and Bella wouldn`t even want him to do something so drastic. But where did that left her? Where did she stand in this?

Who was her pack, her family? Pressing the matter further, in case of a complete fall out in a case of emergency, who would she pick? Who would she need more?

Feelings she had tried to suppress and ignore rose again with her question and she shock her head hard as if she would try to erase those thoughts out of her mind with it. Once again Bella forced herself to subdue her thoughts and feelings. She picked up her book again and started reading trying desperately to lose herself in the magic of other peoples words.

The other day Bella awoke with sunbeams blinding her eyes and immediately before she even was fully awake her mood was at a low.

She had never thought that there would actually be a time when she despised the sun for coming out.

She had loved the sun, had loved Phoenix because of it and hated Forks at the beginning for the loss.

`How much running with vampires could change!` She thought.

But what once stood for amazing days outside, for spending time with her mom at the beach or just hanging out - now stood for the direct opposite. Sunny equalled loneliness.

Today was such a day.

Jasper had already texted her earlier that he couldn't attend school and she was close to skipping herself. But after he had made clear what his thoughts about that were she gave in. In return he had promised that if the sun actually would hide again he would join her and made it up for letting her go in the dent of the lions alone.

So she had driven to school alone and prepared herself for the numerous encounters with Jessica and her lot she was sure would come. And how right she had been.

The second she had stepped into the halls she hadn't left her side. Even in class she had managed to babble constantly about Jasper, how cute he was and what was going on with the both of them.

`Seriously, how dent can a human be?`

But it wasn't just the usual torture today she had to endure from her. What really got to her was that Jessica asked and pressed exactly the topic Bella had tried to shut out for a long time now.

Couldn't Jessica just accept the answer she had been given? Obviously not because than she wouldn't run after Jasper every time she saw him. How more often would he had to let her down until she finally got the point? Maybe she should tell him to change his methods at least a bit. He normally wasn't that afraid of bluntly honesty! Maybe he should just go straight for public humiliation. Jessica sure seems to know one thing or two about it and maybe she should get a taste of her own medicine.

Bella was a little bit surprised by her own thoughts but after several hours of her `companion` she was close to snapping. And she knew Jessica could feel that. But instead of just backing off she came on more and more stronger until she finally found herself in front of her in the cafeteria line and was asked for the thousands time something about the amazing wonder Jasper was.

"God, Jessica, get a grip already! Why cant you just understand that Jasper doesn't want anything to do with you! I know he tried to make that point several times now, so why cant you just let it go?"

Maybe she had been a little more bitchy than she had intended but after the weeks of torture she had had to endure from her before Jasper had come back and even today no one could blame her, right?

Apparently someone could! Jessica herself hadn't taken her comment lightly and she made that sure while she spat her retort in her face.

"Don't be so snotty! You think you are special just because he is the second Cullen you have! You are not! He'll loose interest in you any day and than he'll realize that I would be a much better choice! They are probably just sharing you or lost a bet! I wonder when the turn of the big guy starts! Or do they already work in shifts? "

`What a bitch! How dare she!`

Bella snapped and whirled around to her. Even she could only take so much!

"You know what, Jessica, ever came across the phrase bite off more than you can chew? That might qualify for you, but not the other way around! Jasper has some standards and let me tell you, you are not sweet enough! Even if he would consider a try, he would spit you out the second he gets a taste!"

As soon as the words had flown out of her mouth her hand clapped over it. Her eyes widened in shock and she could hear Jaspers laugh echo through the hall. He was suddenly standing right next to them.

`Of course he would have picked this exact moment to come around!`

Jessica gave both an icy look then whirled around and fled the situation. Bella sighted.

"Well, hello to you, too, darlin`!" Jasper smirked.

"I am sorry, Jasper, that was a stupid thing to say!"

"I think it was quite funny!" He interrupted "Must have done something right in my life to let the sun disappear in just the right moment to come across this!" He chuckled again and she rolled her eyes.

"But what if she.."

"Oh come on, the girl doesn't have half the brain she would need to put two and two together!"

Both turned around and walked towards their usual table.

"So, standards, huh?! I never realized to what extent your interest in my diet reached!" Jasper smirked again at her.

"You'll never let that go, will you?"

"Of course not! That was hilarious! I really like your improved sense of humour! Still, joking about other peoples lives like that...very bad, Bella!" His grin got even bigger.

"Yeah, I know! And you know I didn't mean it like that, its just, sometimes, I really wish you would just do it! She is such a pain in the ass!"

"Ts Ts Ts, Bella Bella, if I would just have known earlier! We could have made a list!"

Both started chuckling lost in their humour when suddenly everything changed.

A few metres away from them two other guys had been spatting nasties at each others, too. The first one obviously done with the other had turned around when Bella out of the corner of her eye saw the other one pushing him from behind.

And then hell broke loose.

The boy lost his balance and fall. Bella knew the falling took only a second but she could see it happen in slow motion as if she would be a vampire herself. She could see the dishes of his tablet fall off and heard them splinter when they hit the floor.

The guy fell right into them.

A loud crash echoed through the cafeteria and brought everything back to normal speed.

But Jasper had already spun to his feed. His eyes were pitch black and his complete body language had changed. He wasn't Jasper, the guy she just joked around with about draining people any more, he was the predator that wanted to do it for real.

She knew what had happened before the smell hit her own nose. A smell of rust and salt – the smell of blood. She could almost see Jasper's mouth watering and she knew there were only two possibilities for what was holding him back. Either he was fighting desperately with himself to suppress the predator or he was debating who he should take out first. She knew if once started he hardly would stop with him alone. He would probably slaughter every single one in the room that wouldn't be able to ran away quickly enough.

Bella had to do something.

She had to do something now, she had to get him away, had to get his attention.

"Jasper!" She spoke in a low and calm voice.

Jasper could hear her voice only in the back of his mind. His complete concentration was on something else.

`Blood – human blood! Right there! Take it! You want it!`

"Jasper!"

He heard the voice again.

`Ignore it! It is not important! The blood is!`

`Stop it!`Another voice yelled at him in his mind suddenly.

`Listen to the voice! You know that voice! It **is** important!`

"Jasper, look at me!"

Bella tried again but Jasper still just stood there.

The whole scenery was lost at her. She was rarely aware that some others had gone to the boy and tried to help him.

`Oh oh, bad move! Don't get in between him and his prey!`

She had to snap him out of it. She was amazed he hadn't already jumped and was still standing next to her. Close enough for her to touch him.

Suddenly Jasper could feel a warm soft touch on his hand and he whirled around in inhuman speed. He had twisted his wrist and now her hand was in his grip. He held her strong and it pained a bit but she ignored it.

"That's right, Jasper! Look at me! Just look at me! You have to calm down! Forget everything else!"

`IT`S BELLA!` His mind screamed at him. `Forget the rest!`

`Forget?! Never! Its delicious! You haven`t had human blood for so long!`

`You can take hers! She is much more tasty! You want her! You know it!`

`NO! Not her! Never her! Take the other one!"

His focus was about to change back to the scenery again but was stopped by Bella.

"No, Jasper, stay with me! Fight it! You don't want this! Please!"

Her pleading voice brought the spell again for a moment and his eyes were on Bella again.

`STOP!`He screamed at himself and tried to reason.

`Bella! Stay with Bella! You won't hurt her!`

"Calm down Jasper! You need to calm down! Concentrate on me!"

Calmly and very slow Bella moved closer to him her hand still in his grip. She moved with a calmness and slowness like you near a wild animal and don`t want to scare it away.

`Smart girl! Don't make any fast movements!`

Her eyes never left his and her calmness started to flow to him and surrounded him.

She stood right in front of him now. Right between him and the scene.

"Jasper, calm down! Don't leave me! Please!"

And then her hand came up and she layed it on his chest.

The instant it touched a wave of peace and longing and pleading washed trough him. Bella's feelings were crushing through his system. Her love and despair startled him for a moment longer.

"Please stay with me, Jasper! I need you!"

`She needs you!`

And that was it. Three three little words broke the spell and he was completely lost in her.

`Bella needs you! You can't hurt her! You can't leave her! You can't kill her!`

"I need to go! NOW!"

His voice was husky dark when he hissed at her but she just nodded at him.

"OK, lets go!"

Still in his strong grip they left everything behind and started to walk away. They made their way as calmly and fast outside as possible. The door of the cafeteria came closer and closer but he still needed every inch of his control to not turn around. Bella's hand was still in his and her body leaned as close as possible to him while walking. Her scent clouded his and he tried to loose himself in it instead of the other one.

`Don't think about it! Think at Bella!`

And then they reached the door and stepped through it.

They kept walking until they reached the parking lot.


	13. Chapter 13

**I don`t own twilight**

**Thanks for all the feedback and kind words! You made my day ;)**

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Bella had been sitting in Jasper's apartment for an hour already. They had made their way back in complete silence and Jasper pushed his car to his limits. His eyes had never meet her again after they had left the school. It was as if he couldn't bring himself to look at her. She had thought he would want to go hunting immediately but instead he had headed straight to his apartment where he had pleaded her to stay in the living room and nearly flew from her sight in the kitchen. And that was where he had been the whole time. She had no idea what he was doing in there and she had to admit that she was starting to get afraid and anxious. Not for her, but for him. Knowing Jasper at least a little by now she was sure he was blaming and torturing himself over nothing at all. Instead he should be proud about it, but she knew he wouldn't be. He would see the bad and not the good in it.

She couldn't take it any longer and decided to check on him. Slowly she made her way to the door and listened when suddenly it opened making her jump a little in surprise.

"Hi!" She told him sheepish "I uh, was just checking to see if you were OK!"

"If I am OK?!" He looked at her astounded and then shock his head. "Sometimes I really don't get you!"

"OK, I know that feeling!"

He waited for a second.

"You shouldn't be here!"

"You told me to stay in this room!" She answered confused.

"Yeah, I know!" He answered tormented before he turned his head away and started walking towards the couch and sat down.

Still confused she made her way over to him and sat down, letting him have some space. He looked really broken.

"Do you need to go hunting?" She asked him. "You don't have to stay with me, you know!"

"Hm, I kinda feel like I should, that is what makes me afraid!" He answered honestly.

"What do you mean you should? Nothing is going to happen to me!"

"I am not really afraid that something would happen to **you** if I go hunting right now!"

"Oh!" She answered and then she realized what he meant. "OOHH!" Was again all she said and she remembered a similar scene she had been in with another vampire not that long ago.

"Yeah! But I have drunken some blood! I keep some in the refrigerator for, well, emergencies! Seems that was a good idea!"

His voice was at the bring of breaking and even if she believed to know the answer, she asked the question out aloud. She had to know his exact thougths before she would share hers with him.

"Jasper, why are you so broken down?"

"What? Are you ...How can you even... I mean you were there!"

"Exactly! But were you? Do you really see what happent today?"

"Of course I do! Let me tell you! I nearly took out the whole cafeteria! That is what happened! I am not talking here about a sip of blood! I am talking about a masaquar!" He spat his words as if he tried to hit himself with them.

"Think about it, what if you hadn't been there? I would of done it. I was going to do it. I wanted to do it!"

"You honestly believe that? That is was all my work that stopped it? Come on Jasper! You do know that this would be impossible for me!" Another bitter laugh followed her words.

"But it was Bella, you don`t see it, do you? It was your voice in the back of my head telling me not to. Telling me to think about what it would mean for you if I did it. I never want to hurt you, Bella! Not ever again!"  
She looked at him with a little of shock and confusion on her face. `Again? What was he talking about?`

"Bella, I meant to say that for a long time now, but.." he sighted before he continued " I don't know, I guess I was too chicken and ashamed!"

Another deep unneeded breath was taken by him and it seemed like he had to struggle with every word to come out.

His head and shoulders hung even more in defeat than before and it nearly broke Bella's heart to see him this way.

She wanted to reach out for him and comfort him. Anything to ease the pain he clearly was in. Her hand moved to his shoulder and he jumped back.

"I didn't mean to, ... I am sorry!" She told him somehow hurt by his reaction. A bitter laugh came to her ear.

"Here we go again!" he whispered obviously more to himself than her. "I hurt you, again, and you are sorry! There is nothing you have to be sorry for, Bella...!"

"Yes, there is, I bring you constantly in situations like this! Situations like with Jacob, or being literally under your nose constantly! You wouldn`t even have been in school today if it wasn`t for me! But I made you to! I am so selfish!"

"Isabella Swan! If there's anything you are, selfish is none of it! In fact you might be one of the most selfless people I ever came to know! I am the selfish one here! I am the one who puts you in danger by my being here and yet I can't bring myself to leave! Everything is so much easier around you.."

He broke his sentence in the middle like he was afraid he said too much. She couldn't help but smile.

`I make things easier for him?!`

"You know, it is the same way for me!" She whispered and if it wasn't for his vampire senses he doubted he would have been able to hear it. A questioning gaze met her and she looked away ashamed.

`Why was she ashamed? She didn't do anything wrong!`

"Being near you makes things easier for me too!" She finally confessed. "the pain is easier to bear. My mood, I don't know, it is lighter. I can laugh with you! I hardly ever laughed or even smiled since he.." her voice broke for a moment but when she continued it was clear and strong again "since he and the others left. But since you are here things got better! And every time I laugh or smile it's because you made me! And I don't think that's because of your, well, ability! I like being in your company! You are my best friend, more, you are family!"

`There, I said it! Now hell can break loose again!`

"I am very grateful for it, you know!"

That brought him out of his frozen status.

`She was grateful?! Even now after what he did today, after what he had done to her before?`

"But I don't deserve that! I don't deserve your kindness and especially not your gratefulness!"

Now it was her turn to be shocked.

"Don't you see, Bella, this is all my fault!"

"Huh?" `What an intellectual thing to say, but at least it hit the point!`

"How can it be your fault? What are you talking about? You didn't do anything!"

"I nearly killed you, Bella!"

Another confused look met hers.

"On your birthday, you cut yourself and I launched for you! If Edward wouldn't have fought me off I would have killed you without hesitation!"

He confessed.

"Oh!" was all she answered.

`This is what this all is about!`

"Oh?!" He looked at her bewildered and a little bit angry. "That is all? How can you be so calm about this? And especially after today! You should hate me, I ruined your life!"

"You slipped, Jasper! You slipped one time and it wasn't even your fault! If I wouldn't have been so clumsy and more careful.."

"Stop that right there!" He ordered. "So, you cut yourself, that kind of things happen! But I was the only one ready to rip you apart! No one else did but me! And because of me all of that happened..."

he stopped. " him leaving you! And your life turning into this!"

"No, it didn't!" She informed him getting angry aver his words.

"He didn't leave me because of you! Did he told you that? If so it was an excuse, and a really shallow one to be honest! He would have left anyway sooner or later! He didn't love me, Jasper!"

"Yes, he did! He still does, Bella! He just left to protect you!"

Another bitter laugh escaped her lips. Her temper rose a bit more and she started speaking without really thinking about it. Her mind just formed the words her emotions were letting her feel.

"Jasper, he never really knew me! First it was my blood that tempted him, my smell that he treasured. And than came the excitement because he couldn't read my mind!"

"That is not true, Bella! You should have seen him. Leaving you nearly broke him! I am an empath remember! It is like his purpose in life stayed behind with you! He does love you!"

"But not enough! Not enough to stay, to fight for me, for us! You say he left to protect me from harm?! What kind of stupid explanation is that? Laurent would have killed me in the woods if it wouldn't have been for you! And even if he hadn't show up, I'm still a danger magnet! I can hardly walks stairs without endangering myself!"

His chuckle broke her from her concept for a moment.

"He didn't leave because he didn't want me to be hurt or die! I am human, Jasper! Pain and death is unavoidable! No, he just didn't want to be part of it! He didn't want to be the reason or more witness it! If he really didn't want me to be harmed, to die, and wanted to be with me forever, he could have changed me, could have made me into one of your kind, but he didn't! He left!"

"Because he didn't want to damn you, didn't want to trade your soul! Being a vampire is not really an easy thing!"

"And being human is?"

"Probably not!" He admitted after a second. "But it is different!"

"Of course it is! I am not embellishing it! But I would have paid the price to be with him, even if it would have been my soul And that is really what this is all about! He wouldn't have loved me as a vampire! He wouldn't have seen me or looked at me like he did before! He would have seen me partly as another monster, like he does see himself! I was always his Bella, his pure and good treasure, an angel that has to be protected even from herself! No, he wasn't protective of me, he was possessive! That's why he never let me make my own decisions! Why he formed me into something I was not! Why he told me who to be friends with and who not to, made me go to prom, be human, be good! It took me long to get that but I finally understand it now. And that's why I say he couldn't have truly loved me not the way I did him! He wouldn't have constantly tried to change me into something else! He would have let me make my own decisions! Would have taken me for who and what I am and respect that! But he never did! I was never his equal! It was more like he was my keeper, my protector, but not his equal and I felt that and that is probably why I felt so worthless from the beginning! And it is why I believed the words he told me when he went! Because it was exactly what I felt the whole time I was with him! That was how he made me feel!"

She finally stopped and let everything she just said sink in. It was true, she finally realized and Jasper made her see that and with the realization the pain she dragged around the whole time disappeared.

"What are you thinking?" She asked him after a while of silence.

"Honestly? I am waiting for the pain to come back!"

She thought about it and looked inside her.

"I don't think that will happen!" She realized.

"I know, you accepted it, you let it go! I can feel it. I just thought, you know, just in case!" he smirked his lovely smile and everything eased away.

"Thank you, Jasper! Thank you for everything!" Before he could react she had him in a deep embrace and gratefulness, peace and some hint of joy rushed through him from her. Then she looked away and looked sheepish to the ground.

"Sorry about that! I just....I don't know!"

"Please stop apologizing the whole time, Bella! There was no harm done!" Then it hit him "Wow!"

"What is it?"

"I just, I just realized! I didn't even think about it! I mean.."

"I know what you mean!" She smiled "But that's good right!"

"That's very good! In fact that is terrific! Lets do it again!"

Bella laughed. A real happy liberating laugh and Jasper's heart swelled with the sound and then she was in his arms again.

He inhaled her scent and for a moment he felt the burn in his throat The image of her blood covered body flickered through his mind and disgust invoked in him. No, he couldn't, wouldn't ever be able to hurt this lovely creature in his arms. He would do anything in his power to take care of her, to hear that laugh again.

And with that he let go. He let go of all his own pain, regrets and shame and just let her happiness wash through him.

Another thought hit him then.

`How could she be so accepting, so forgiving? What did she see?`

But before he could say anything she started speaking again.

"You know, I am very proud of you, Jasper!" And it was true, he could feel it.

"Why?"

"For your struggle, your strength!"

"I am not strong Bella, in fact I am quite weak!"

"Jasper, I am laying in your arms and yet you do nothing but comfort me! You struggled with your own pain when you came here but you pushed it aside to help me! For years or better decades you resisted your thirst, fought your inner wars!"

"Not constantly!" He admitted. "I slipped up a lot of times!"

A sincere smile evoke in her.

"But still, here you are! You may have slipped but still you continue! Every time you started from point zero even if it would probably be a lot easier not to! Even without the help of your family, you did it on your own! You walked away today! You alone! You know I could never have held you back if you really wanted to! It was all you, I just reminded you of a reason! You faced your inner monster and beat it back! You know of your so called weakness but you still fight it instead of ignore it like most people do! That requires strength! You Jasper Whitlock are not weak and you are not a monster! You are a very good man and I believe in you!"

A pang in his hearth exploded and he honestly felt like it started to beat again. No one has ever said anything like that to him. Not even Alice. Sure she had ensured him, had loved him but it was more like she had overlooked the monster in him. Had tried everything in her power to stop it from coming out. She believed it was there. She never told him so sincere he was not. Not even when she comforted him in his depressions. She made sure that it wouldn't matter not explain that it wasn't true. She calmed him with her visions, her knowledge that she couldn't see him snap but she never, not once believed in him the way Bella seemed to do, not to the extent he could feel in her. And in that instant he knew that he would never fail her. He knew, that it just wouldn't happen because he would never survive loosing it again.

He felt himself fall. A long deep fall into darkness and light at the same time. Everything suddenly made sense, He saw all the good and all the bad and he understood. He felt free and alive and he lost himself in the limbo. He lost himself in the feeling and then suddenly he crashed into his body again and was found. He was content.

It was in that moment that he fell in love with Isabella Swan.


	14. Chapter 14

**I don`t own twilight, i wish i would, at least Jasper, but I don`t **

**Thanks for all the amazing reviews and kind words I recieved! You are really great and I hope you keep on enjoying my story.  
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**And cheers to mmsimpy09 for giving me this wonderful vision and the huge grin I have in my face, I am sure you can imagine why ;)**

**Also a wink to lp23, keep up your work, i like reading it ;)**

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It was shortly later the same day when Jasper became aware of his surroundings again. He was laying on his couch holding a sleeping Bella in his arms. After the emotional stress today she had fallen in a light sleep a few minutes ago allowing him to drift in his thoughts.

After the euphory about his realization and the feelings she had invoked in him had left, fear had gotten the best of him.

The irony had not gotten lost on him. Here he was, a vampire, a predator, a creature that had brought death and destruction over the world for nearly a century finding himself fearing a human girl. But not any girl.

The pull and strength this girl had on an emotional level over vampires was fascinating. And not just vampires, apparently also werewolves were lost to her charm. How did she do it? What was it with her that she had such power over the mystical world. First Edward, than the other Cullens and now him. Hell even James had been drawn to her even if it had been in a more sadistically way - but still. And considering today! She had pulled him out of his bloodlust just by talking! She had just stood there, not even really feeling afraid or was strong enough to suppress it to direct calmness towards him in an attempt to calm him down.

Unbelievable!

**She** had calmed **him**, the empath. She had used his own power against him, well, not really against since it was in his favor but looking at it from a more distance perspective it was more than amazing!

Jasper knew she was special, that she had something on her that let her stand out from the crowd. He just couldn`t point his finger at it. But somehow he had the feeling that sooner or later he would find out what her potential really was.

Still, he was afraid. Afraid about the situation, about her reaction, afraid about himself, and what he might do. Figuring out and admitting his feelings towards her to himself only solved half of the puzzle.

What were hers?

Of course he could feel her love for him, but he didn`t know what kind of love it was. During their talk earlier that day both had let down their guard, had let the other in and take a peak deeper then they had ever before. When she had spoken her words to him while laying in his arms her feelings had radiated off her in waves and filled him with a warmth he wasn`t sure he had ever felt before. Still, he could be wrong. The closeness both off them shared and the strength and the level his feelings were on made it impossible for him to know where hers began and his ended. The love and content he read in her right now could easily be his which were just transmitted to her. Normally Jasper would try to cut this link immediately. But that would mean he had to distant himself from her and that was the last thing he wanted to do right now. Also since she was asleep there wouldn`t be any harm done by his ability. At least to her. For him, it was a different matter. It was driving him crazy not to know what was going on solely inside her. Again his mind drifted back to their conversation.

`You Jasper Whitlock are not weak and you are not a monster! You are a very good man and I believe in you!`

The number of times he had already repeated her words in his head could make this his new mantra. Her using his real name and not the one the Cullen's had given him on top of it made it even more intense.

But what exactly did it mean?

She had freed herself from the shadow of her first love, of Edward earlier today, but was she ready for a second one? And even if, would she consider him to be that? And what kind of love would that be? He wasn`t Edward! Being able to hold her in his arms is one thing, being even closer to her would be something entirely different!

And he knew if she chose him, there was no way he could form any boundaries the way Edward had. He wasn`t a mind-reader, wasn`t someone who based his decisions on logic and brain. Not when it came to love and passion. He was an empath. His department was feelings. They drove him and ruled in his blood, screaming to work their will. What other choice did he have but to obey?

And he would obey. There was no question in this matter. He had already dedicated himself to her in a way. Had made her more than just a part of his life. There was no way after what happened today that this would change for the worse.

So, it all lay in her hands. What she wanted, what she was ready for and what she was willing to give and Jasper knew what ever that would be he would take it. Would take as much as he could get.

He looked down at the peaceful creature in his arms and smiled. He remembered making fun of Edward with Emmett for watching her sleep every night. He suddenly could understand why Edward had liked it so much. It wasn`t the dream talk, wasn`t her beautiful sight, even if she was a vision it wasn`t even the desire to look out for her and protect her. No, it was the feelings that she showed when she slept. Having her not just in your arms but having her trust you enough that she is willingly falling asleep - the most vulnerable state a human could be in - was intoxicating. It was different than the other times before, when she hadn`t known that he was there. She did trust him and she obviously felt comfortable even after what she had witnessed today and had seen before. He would have never guessed after her birthday things between them would ever turn out the way they were.

Still, where would it lead to? What would happen now?

Having seen her and the way she had handled things in the past weeks, especially the past days, he could easily guess what her reactions would be when she woke up. She would built the wall again, would try to hide again, which wouldn`t make it any easier for him to find out how where he stood with her, how she felt. But that of course wouldn`t stop him.

She had reminded him today who he was. He was Major Jasper Whitlock. He wasn`t someone that gave up easily, especially a fight that hadn`t even started yet. And he would fight. She was far to valuable to give her up. How on earth could Edward have done that? What a fool had he been! He wouldn`t make the same mistake! Especially knowing a few bits now after the little inside she had given him today. He wouldn`t make decisions for her, wouldn`t even want to. And he wouldn`t hide anymore! He would let her see him. She was the one person trustworthy enough to do so. She was obviously a lot stronger then all of them had given her credit for and he needed her to see not only him but herself.

Jasper could understand with a perfectly clearity what she meant by what she had said. He understood because he had lived it himself for quite a while. He knew how it felt, how devasting it could be if you have the feeling that you have to hide your true self from the people around you. He knew how it was when people treated you like an uncontrolled or foolish child, like you had to be watched the whole time. He might had believed it to be necessary himself but that doesn`t mean he hadn`t felt crushed by it. He would give back what she did for him today. Would show her how freeing it can be if someone wasn`t afraid of you. If someone gave you the freedom to just be who you are without shame, without fear without judgment. After all, who was he to judge!

He would let her see who she truly was, who she could be. And he wouldn`t allow her to hide, quite the contrary, he would lure her out. She wanted to be an equal, so he would make her one. Show her she already was.

A plan began to form in his mind but was interrupted by her mobil starting to ring. Bella stirred in her sleep for a few more seconds before she sat up with a yawn. She rubbed her eyes and pulled it out of the pocket of her pants. Jasper had to smirk watching her. She was yet not fully aware of her surroundings and their closeness, he could tell and he awaited the blush he was sure would come when she finally did.

„Hello?" Her sleepy voice answered the phone.

„Dad!" In an instant she was completely awake and that was when she realized him and reacted exactly like predicted. She jumped off him ashamed and of course blushing in several deep shapes of red.

`Oh yes, she was cute!`

She quickly turned away from him and concentrated on the phone.

„No, uh, I kinda fell asleep! School was, uh, very exhausting today!" She tried to be honest without telling anything. Jasper heard Charlie answer and telling her that he was informed that she hadn`t attend any of her afternoon classes.

„Uhm, yes, I kinda didn`t feel well! I thought I might of come down with something."

He heard concern singing in Charlies voice when he asked her how bad it was.

„No, I am feeling better now!" She quickly assured him „I am at Jasper's! We thought it would be better not to leave me alone and his place was closer! He drove me!" Again not really a lie.

But Charlie still wasn`t satisfied. He asked her if she was sure and if he should come and get her.

„No, dad, really, I am fine! Besides didn`t you want to go over to Billy today to watch the game at his place?"

He had known even without his hearing that charlie wouldn`t just give in that easily and leave her alone. He had planned to stay over night there originally but wasn`t so sure if that was a good idea now. But after a few more sincere assurances from Bella he had accepted that she was alright again.

„Ok, dad, I promiss! Jasper will bring me home later and if it gets worse again I will call you! But there really is no need to worry! You can stay over at Billys! I will survive being alone for one night! It is not as if it would be the first time! Everything will be fine!"

They talked another few more minutes and than said their goodbyes.

She turned to Jasper again still a little ashamed but determent not to let anything shine through and once again acting like nothing had happened at all.

Again exactly as predicted.

„Uhm, Charlie says hi and thanks for staying with me! But I am sure you heard that already!"

He nodded smiling at her and stood up himself.

„Anytime, darlin`!" He smiled at her brightly. „But come to think about, let`s try to avoid the reason that was behind it today in the future, ok?" They settled a bit smiling about it and Bella eased from her tension.

„So, I think we should maybe get you something to eat!"

They went in the kitchen and Bella looked through his cupboards until she finally settled to make some pasta. She started to boil water and went to get some vegetables. Opening the fridge a small container in the back of it fell in her eyes. She looks at it for a second just ignored it and fetched her food.

Cutting them she starts to wonder more and more.

„Everything alright?"

„Yeah, ever thing is fine!"

He rose a brow reciving her answer but didn`t say anything feeling her debating inside with something. A few minutes later, after she had put the noddles in the water and the vegetables in the pan she turned to him again.

„Ok, can I, .., can I ask you something?"

„This feels like an interesting question boiling inside you! Go ahead!"

„Uhm, ok, please don`t misunderstand it, but why are you keeping blood in your fridge?"

„Ah, I see! Does it bother you?"

„No, I mean, ok, having it next to my food isn`t really that appealing." He had started to chuckle a little over her statement. „But that's not what I meant! What I mean is, don`t you smell it the whole time?"

„Actually I do, and to be honest that's another good thing!"

„But I thought the smelling blood thing would make it even harder!"

He looked at her analyzing and remembered his thoughts earlier.

`Ok, Jasper, you wanted to be honest with her and not hide, here is your chance!`

„Do you really want to know the truth?"

„Yes!"

„Very well then! You do remember your comment about certain standards I have?! You could say that wasn`t so wrong! And, while animal blood is ok for at least some extent, it still doesn`t even come close! Most of the animals are rather disgusting to be honest. Imagine how that would increase if it is not fresh anymore and cold on top of it! Try to think about it this way. Imagine the worst taste of food you can, something that would probably make you throw up if you have to eat it. It wouldn`t matter how hungry you are, just one bite would be enough to change that in an instant!"

Bella swallowed hard over his comment and looked down at the pan, wrinkling her nose.

„I see what you mean!" She finally answered dryly.

„I am sorry! Maybe I shouldn`t have told you!"

„No, Actually I am glad you have, I am merrily thinking I should have picked another time to ask it! You know, not one where I am actually about to prepare food for my own!"

„Oh!" He chuckled. `She is truly amazing!`

„But, look at it this way. I now understand perfectly what you meant!" She smiled at him and he joined, feeling at ease again.

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A few hours later Jasper found himself again watching a sleeping Bella. He sat on the floor next to her covered with shelves and pillows in front of the fireplace in the library. After she calmed down she had still managed to eat something and then again she had let him read to her. He enjoyed reading for her. He could have never imagine that something so simple could become so big. He could feel her letting herself loose in his voice, letting it pull her in another universe. Being an empath only made it so much better. He didn`t just read the book, but he read every single emotions his voice and the words he pronounced with it created inside her. He could feel her easing and relaxing and just letting go. And, the best thing, he cold feel her emotions towards him while doing it. She lost herself so deep in the story that her guard went down completely. It gave him hope once again because now he knew something was there. Something that had built itself inside her for a while. The fact that it was still hidden so deep inside her told him that she wasn`t ready to act on them, that it wasn`t yet the love you feel for a lover. But it could turn into. He just needed to make her realize it.

His gaze turned to the fire again. He likes fire. It was ironic considering he was a vampire and fire was the one thing that was able to really harm and kill him. But it was something else for him. Watching the flames dance, feeling the warmth, fire equaled peace. It calmed him. He knew the reason behind wasn`t really a nice one, knew that he wouldn`t really like for another being to get to this point but he came to accept it. Fire was what brought him quietude, what ended the fight. It was something that had survived from his old life. Fire signaled the end of the battle. It signaled that once again he had survived and that he could relax now. That it was over. Fire calmed him. Again he looked at her and found the same peaceful expression in her face. He wished he would see this peaceful look forever, wished it would stay like this.

But Jasper should know better to wish for it. Peace never stayed forever. In most of the time peace and calm was more a sign for an arising storm to come. How much that would fit for their situation they would find out in a matter of minutes. It started with a nasty smell he recognized emmidiatly and went further with a loud knock on the door, shaking him out of his thoughts.

He took another look at her and went outside, closing the door of the library behind himself. Panic, terrefy and horror washed over him as he went to the door and scanned the feelings of the person on the other side. He stopped for a second confused. Searching for the anger, fury or hate he had felt the last time coming from him. But it wasn`t there. He wondered what the mood change brought on. He couldn`t imagine that his visitor suddenly feared him and was horrified of him. Not considering the last time he saw him. What did happen?

He opened the door and before he could even say anything Jacob started.

„Is she here?"

Jasper ignored his question and formed his own

„what are you doing here?"

„Don`t do this now! I don`t have time for this!" Jacob answered with a firm voice but still in panic! „Please tell me she is with you and ok!"

He looked at him another second wondering what was goind on before he answered. „She is sleeping!"

„Thank god!" Jacob released a relieved breath.

`Ok, that was unexpected`

„So, just to check, you are relieved that she is here, with me?!"

A tearing gaze meet his eyes before it changed again and became softer.

„I would have never guessed I would say this, especially out aloud, but yes!"

„So, why the panic and terror i picked up before?" He still tried to make sense out of it. Something sure did happen, Jacob wouldn`t just switch his feelings in such a short time.

„Because I was at her house and she was gone. Therefore something else was there!"

That alarmed Jasper himself.

„What do you mean, something else? And why were you at her house?"

„Because I wanted to check on her!" Jacob said matter on factly. „I knew Charlie stayed over at my dads so she would be alone and I wanted to make sure she was ok!"

„I see, still would like to know whta this `other thing` you were talking about was!"

„A scent!" Jacob answered simply.

„A scent? What do you mean a scent?"

„I smelled another leach at her place! It leaded directly to it and then it just vanished! It was fresh and it wasn`t yours! I can`t be sure, but I don`t think it was one of your family either! Sam said he hadn`t come across it before!"

Jasper could feel the same panic and horror rising in him he had felt in Jacob only a minute before. But before he could make sense out of it and ask more a wave of agony suddenly ripped through him and he whirled around. In not even a second he was in the other room at her side.

Bella was still asleep but her peaceful state was gone. She was stressed and terrified, waltzing herself around through the shelves.

„No, don`t!" Her terrified voice whispered when she began once again to talk in her sleep. „Please! Please don`t! Stay with me!...............Jasper, don`t!"

Her words ripped though him again. He remembered her saying them earlier this day. Did the events finally caught up with her? Was it him that brought her this pain and terror? Jasper mind speed while he tried to calm her as good as possible. But it didn`t work, he couldn`t stop the force of her dream.

„Please, please don`t kill him! NOOO!"

she screamed and he felt his hearth shatter under the pain and stress he obviously brought her.

„I need you! Please! Come back to me!" He couldn`t stand it any longer. Her feelings were to hard and raw to control them so he did the only other thing to stop it.

„Bella! Bella wake up!" His broken voice tried while his hand stroke over her hair.

„You have to wake up! It`s just a dream!" He tried again louder and with a final scream she suddenly sat up. Her eyes were immediately in his and he felt a wave of realizations and relief wash over her but her pain and agony was still there.

„Oh god, Jasper!" She cried while she launched herself in his arms. „It was so horrible!"

„It`s ok, it was just a dream! I am sorry!" His voice was still on the edge exactly like his feelings were. He was surprised by her reaction. It was exactly the opposite of the reaction he would have thought of. He had thought dreaming about what he guessed she had been would have merrily brought her to shield away from him and not to clinch at him as if her dear life would depend on it. He brought his arms around her and hold her close while trying to calm her.

„You have to promise to never leave me! Never! I never want to see that happen!" She cried again while pressing herself even closer in his chest. Her words filled his hearth again and stunned him.

„Shh, it´s ok darlin` of course i won`t leave you! How could I! I am so sorry for your dream!" His voice was tender and sang with his emotions now.

„But it wasn`t your fault! You just tried to protect me!" her tearful words confused him.

„I protected you? From what?" That definitely changed his first guess about her dream.

„I don`t know! I didn`t see much! And to be honest I don`t want to see you die in much more detail!"

That actually froze him for a second. Once again he had misread the scene completely to the opposite. He remembered another night when she had a nightmare about him possible dying and he thought she would dream about him doing the killing part.

He was so used to seeing himself in this point of view, it never ocured to him that it could be the other way around. As much as he hated the fact that she was in so much pain and horror, it was a bitter sweet feeling that she cared so much for him no matter if her feelings only were brotherly or not.

„Sh, love! It`s ok! I won`t die! I am right here! Please calm down!"

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Jacob stood in the door, watching the scene in front of him. Part of him wanted to jump in between and ripping Jasper off her. He couldn`t help that, and he doubted he would ever feel completely ok with the both of them. Another part of him however, and surprisingly that wasn`t a small one too, felt like an intruder in a private moment and wanted to turn around. Seeing Bella crying her soul out over just dreaming about the vampires final death and watching him holding and caressing her was enlightening.

The first time he had meet Jasper, he had told him that he knew he wanted to protect her, that he saw how he looked at her. The way she had reacted to his pure presence left no room for the question that sooner or later they would realise that there was something between them that goes further than just friendship. But seeing this in front of him now. Seeing the emotions shivering over Jasper's face, hearing him speaking to her in a soft voice he clearly reserved for her alone and most important watching his tenderness and caring caught him of guard. He would have never imagined that the creatures they had sworn to kill and hunt to protect their people from were capable of such. Was it just him? Or was it something she invoked in the people around her in general? The desperate need to take care of her, to watch over her, to keep her save and to fall for her. It wasn`t just vampires and wolves. He remembered how Mike and the other boys had acted towards her when she first came into town and they meet at the beach. Even Sam his alpha had - after Jacobs transformation - told him how he found her in the woods the day Edward had left her. How the state she had been in affected him. That he had hated the bloodsuckers even more after that, and Sam didn`t even really know her before. Well, what ever it was, considering the situations she seemed to run into constantly it was a good thing.

Bella had calmed down meanwhile and Jasper was still stroking her back when he asked her.

„Bella, what was it exactly you were dreaming about? You haven`t had such an intense nightmare for a long time now!"

Her head spun up to look at him, her eyes were gazing through him and she rose a brow but then let it go.

„I don`t remember! Everything was so fast and in such a blur! I was in the woods and someone else was with me and tried to attack me and then suddenly you were there and went in between. But you coldn`t stop it! It was so much stronger than you and it,....., it ripped you apart!" Another little sob came with the last part.

„Was it another vampire?"

„I guess! I can`t tell, it was so fast! And then you lay there at the ground and I ran towards you and, well, I cried and then..."

A wave of shock horror and complete terror ripped through Jasper. Her eyes had widdened and she had taken a sharp breath with it. It could only mean one thing. She did remember something. And it wasn`t something good.

„There is something! I saw something! A flicker of hair!" She started speaking her voice dripping with agony.

„Do you know whom it belonged to?"

„I can`t be sure! But there is only one person I do know with .." She stopped again and pressed her head in his chest.

„It was red! It was red long hair! The attacker was a female! I remember her voice when she spat at me!"

Now Jasper's eyes widened in alarm too. It wasn`t hard to guess which name would follow this description. Someone strong enough to fight with him, a female with red hair, there was only one person who matched this he knew of that Bella had meet. Had met under circumstances that would explain her terror and agony.

„Victoria!"

He took another deep breath and started stroking her back again smoothing her down.

„It`s ok! You are safe! It was just a dream!"

„There is something else! I don`t know how I could have forgotten it! But after everything that happened, I don`t know! It must have slipped my mind after the fight!"

„What fight? What do you mean?" Alarm was in his voice once again.

„That day, when we met again in the woods, at the meadow! When, Laurent..."

„Yes, go on!"

„He said something!"

The scene flickered back in her mind and she saw Laurent's grinning face in front of her again telling her that he had met Victoria again after he left Denali.

"_We came to an agreement!"_

"_What kind of?"_

"_About you! But seeing you here now, I guess I won't stand to it!"_

"_What do you mean? What does she want from me?" _

"_Your death! To be bluntly honest. She wasn't too fond of Edward killing James! You see, he was her mate and vampires don't take it very lightly when you kill their mates! She wants revenge!"_

her head turned to the ground. `How could I have forgotten?`

"Laurent had told me he had met with Victoria before he came back to Forks. That it wasn't a coincidence. He wasn't there to meet you, he was....... He was there because of me!........." She stopped for another second before she finally could form the words and affirmed what Jasper's mind had screamed already. "She wants to kill me because of James! He was her mate and she wants revenge!"

Jasper's head spun around towards the door and he meet Jacobs eyes. Bella turned around, too, confused and that was when she realised Jacobs presence for the first time. She had cried and concentrated on Jasper so much, she hadn't even noticed him.

"Jacob?!"

"Hi Bella!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I, um, I came to talk to Jasper!" He started not knowing what exactly he should tell her after what he heard and what the true reason for his being here was. "I am sorry, I didn't know!"

Jacob and Jasper shared another meaningful look before Jasper turned towards Bella again.

"Bella, why don't you take a shower? Try to relax a little and calm down?"

Bella knew exactly what that meant. There was something they weren't telling her. After the last time both of them had met it was pretty unlikely that they suddenly met alone to chat or catch up not to mention hanging out! She looked between the two of them back and forth trying to find out what was going on.

"Please Bella, I promise I will explain it to you afterwards, I just need to speak with Jacob for a moment, OK?"

Jasper's eyes were pleading with her and after another second she nodded. She trusted him and she knew he would tell her later. He wouldn't leave her in the dark. It was just that he always tried to figure out the things for himself first to use the right words to talk about them. Still she wasn't sure if it would be a wise thing to leave the both of them alone. Even if it just was to go in another room. Also, she couldn't just jump out the shower if she heard a sound. But taking a shower right now and letting the warm water fall on her, washing all the bad pictures away sounded really appealing right now.

"Are you sure that you too will be OK alone?" She asked carefully. "I mean, not that I don't trust you, its just, uh.."

Jasper smirked.

"It's OK! We have managed to stay good so far, I am sure it will be OK a little longer!"


	15. Chapter 15

_**I don`t own twilight**_

**I am deeply sorry for updating so lately but I had to work on an important paper (yes I am pulling the college card lol)**

**I also had some problems regarding the following turns of my story which kinda are worked out a little now and on top of it my mind was slightly distracted by thoughts of Wayde and Vittore (if you want to know who that is, read Dead Hunting you will understand me, believe me ;)**

**And a great and big huge hug goes to mmsimpy09 I have no idea where this story would be at this point without her! Every single review I got should go to her too, because she does share my vision of this story and puts a lot of work in it too not to mention all her kind words that keep me going! Thank you a lot!**

**And thanks for every other kind word and review I got.**

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Jacob and Jasper stood in the living room deep in their own minds. Bella had gone in the bathroom and just stepped into the shower when Jacob finally started speaking his thoughts and raising the question both of them were thinking about.

"So, do you think it was her, this Victoria?"

"It would make sense! If she had sent Laurent to look for her, his absence wouldn`t have gone without notice by now!"

"Will you recognize her sent?"  
"Yes, but I won`t go now!"

Jacob looked at him questioning.

"You surely can understand that I will not leave her at this point!"

"I will stay with her!" He informed him firmly.

"I am sure about that! But I still won`t leave her! Not after what happened!"

Again did Jacobs eyes stare right through him. After another second he nodded as if he had seen something and understood.

"I can still look into it tomorrow and for tonight she should be save staying here! Also like you said, Charlie will be staying at your fathers place, there is no need for rushing into it right now. Not before I have at least spoken to her anyway! The scent will still be there tomorrow and I don`t want to make any inprudent moves! Maybe that was exactly her intent, to lure us out, act without thinking! Without a plan!"

Jacob nodded again before he spoke.

"So, what if it was her?"

Jasper turned around and looked at the door to his bedroom. Several seconds went by until he answered.

"She won`t stop coming for her! If James was her mate, if that what she is feeling, nothing will be able to stop her need to take revenge!"

Jacobs eyes widened for a second.

"I will talk to Sam! No one of us does want her to get hurt! We will do everything in our power to protect her! I am guessing you won`t leave her side in the future too?"

"Only to go hunting and even that I will try to keep on a minimum and keep in the region!"

"You know that I will keep her save while you are gone!"

"I was counting on that and I do appreciate it!"

"She is my friend too, you know! And even if I can`t officially speak for the pack, I know that they will back me up! It is what we do! She might not be one of our tribe, but she does come close!"

Jasper stared at him intensely.

"So, are you really ok with that? Personal, I mean, me being here? I can`t afford watching my back from you, too!"

"I guess there is nothing but a com men enemy to join forces!" Jacob spoke in a tune so unlike him. It were now Jasper's eyes that were staring into him. Something in his voice once again awoke his respect for him and remembered him back to his old life. Jacob might be young but right now he could see something in him that rose the question in Jasper how long Sam would stay the alpha in the pack. Jacobs voice hold the tune of an alpha. And when he remembered right, his blood did so, too.

"Spoken like a true warrior!" Jasper answered deciding to let Jacob feel and hear his respect for him and also his gratitude. He could see the end of his lips switch for a second, hinting a small smirk before Jacob spoke again.

"I dont know how the others might react, but I think they will realize that at least for now it is good to have you around! It is not like we could just transform in public! Even if we keep an eye on her constantly!"

"So, this is how it will be?! I will stay close to her and you and your pack will look out in the woods and the region around?"

"I think this is the best way to deal with it! What about the others?"

"Who do you mean?"

"The rest of your family? Will you tell them? If they will come we should know!"

Jasper froze a second over his question. If Alice would see something he was sure there was no way they would stay gone. Edward would read it in her mind instantly and be on his way. And the rest of them would follow.

Alice.

How could he have forgotten about her power until now? He remembered him telling her to stay out of his future and Edward had forbidden her to look into Bella's either, but could she really close her eyes from something like this?

Had she maybe already seen him here with her? And if, what was she thinking?

No, she couldn`t have seen it! Edward wouldn`t need Victoria to come around. He would see himself as the same danger for her than she was. After all he and his actions were the reason why he finally made his decision to go.

And Jasper was sure that informing them wouldn`t be such a wise decision right now! It would only make things more complicated. There might be some selfish reasons in his decision to keep Edward in the dark and most important away, but he was sure that it wouldn`t be such a good thing for Bella either to get in touch with him. Her wounds might have closed, but they are still fresh. Bringing him here might open them in an instant even if she was over him. And he would try to keep the level of pain and for her at a minimum. Not to mention that he wasn`t ready, probably won`t ever be to give her up and the closeness they came to share in the past hours and days.

"I don`t think at this point there is a reason too! She is only one vampire! I could probably deal with her on my own in a one to one encounter and I am trusting your pack and your need to keep her save to try your best to not let her come too close!"

"Good, if you really think that would be enough I am trusting on your experience! I don`t want to bargain with her life either, but to be honest I am not sure that I want to see the leach anywhere near her! I won`t hold back especially now that I wouldn`t need to! I never really liked him anyway! And I didn`t even meet him that often!"

`Does he imply what I think he does?`Jasper asked himself but Jacob didn`t leave him much time before he went on.

"What about her? How much are you going to tell her?"

"Everything!" He told him matter of factly.

"You think that is a good idea?"

"Beside the fast that she should know what is possible going on around her? She is a big girl! And if something like that would happen to me, I wouldn`t be very happy if I wasn`t told! I don`t see why I should treat her differently, also I think it would be very unwise to leave her in the dark!"

"I just don`t want her to be scared!"

"Me either, but she isn`t stupid! Also she needs to know to be cautious for herself! And she needs to for what might happen! I can`t let her just walk into danger, even if I will be around to protect her from!"

"You are probably right! Just, make sure she doesn`t anything stupid, like the last time you told me about!"

"Believe me, I won`t let that happen again! I didn`t know she would be capable and willing to do something like this! I know better now! I won`t give her the chance!"

"Good to know! It is probably better I meet with the pack and tell them what happened, or more think about it, it`s still a little bit confusing having this collective mind, but it can be vers practical! I will make sure that Sam will let one of the pack always stay around this way we will know instantly if she will come close or makes a move! Also maybe we should change cells!"

Once again Jasper nodded and they changed numbers. Jacob started to made his way to the door when he suddenly stopped again. Jasper could feel some inner battle going on inside him when he turned his head slightly.

"So, are you telling her?" His tune had changed and became more curious and twisted.

"I thought we just covered that?!" He answered confuse.

"I am not talking about Victoria!"

"What are you talking about then?"

A deep sight left Jacob and he could see him rolling his eyes.

"Look, it is quite obvious! It is for some time now, but tonight was kinda hard to ignore it!" Jacob answered a little on edge and Jasper froze on the spot. He turned around to him once again and observed Jasper.

"Just to be clear, I am not about to throw a party seeing her in the arms of yet another bloodsucker! Only because of this.." his hand made a round movement as he tried to symbolize the situation they were in "doesn`t mean everything is fine! But what I once said to you still stands! I would go along with a lot to see her happy, but, I will kick your ass if that changes! Also I can find comfort in the fact that you at least want to keep her save the way I do. That and I could stand you more than the scum you call a brother!"

Jasper still wasn`t sure if and - even if - what he should say to this. The silence made take Jacob took another sight and again rolled his eyes.

"Look all I am saying here is if you don`t tell her someone else might beat you at it, and she does lucidly feel a great deal about you! You know about her past and the things she went trough, just make her happy and don`t do any shit and I won`t stand in your way, ok!"

Jacob stared at him a second longer then dismissed it again and turned around again to go as if nothing would have happened.

`At least he likes you better than he does Edward. It`s always good to know her brother-figure prefers you! Even if he covers it up! `

* * *

So, did you speak with Jacob in the last couple of days?" They were driving in Jasper's car towards Bella's house after school.

"Yes, I actually met him last night!" Bella shock her head in a slight bemusement.

"What?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking that at least one good thing has come out of this!"

Jasper rose his brow in question.

"You and Jacob! You see and talk to each other more than I do nowadays! Seems like you worked things out between the two of you!"

"We came to an understanding you could say, yes! Having a mutual goal did bring us closer together again! We are still unlikely to just hang out though!"

She nodded over his comment and let it go hoping that this might change as well with time. But thinking about all that happened around her brought her back to her emotional chaos. Jasper had told her why Jacob had come over the night she had her nightmare. He had told her the possible danger she was in and about the plan both of them had made. She had freaked out at first but apparently not really enough for Jasper's liking and she had to give him that. She had just swallowed it down. Hadn`t allowed to take her over. But what did he expected from her? Here she was, the danger magnet, bringing yet again the people she loved and were close to in life threatening situations. If it wouldn`t be for Charlie and the pack she would have loved just to run. That had frightened her. She never was a runner, had never been but it was just to much! Everything was just to much. She didn`t know how to deal with all of it. Especially since now they don`t even know what was going on exactly.

Jasper had found out the next day that it hadn`t even been Victoria's scent that had all of them set in panic. It had been a vampire but not her. New questions had arisen with that and new scenarios had been drawn itself. The possibility that it was just a coincident and another vampire on the hunt was very unlikely. Maybe if her or Charlie would have been at home, but with the house all empty and no one harmed in the neighborhood?!

The only reasonable explanation was that Victoria had sent another vamp to look for her just like she had with Laurent. This suspicions of their had been confirmed more when Jasper and the pack had come across a fading scent of her in the woods later that same day but only made matter worse. They had found the scent Jasper had picked up at her house there too and it rose an alarming question in her.

How many helpers did Victoria have out there looking for her? Was she with a coven or were it old friends of her like Laurent had been? No one knew and so no one really could predict her moves.

Jasper had found comfort at first in the fact that he could deal with Victoria on his own and with the help of the whole pack he was confident that they would come out of the situation with the upper hand. But now?! Bella wasn`t so sure. Of course she took trust in Jasper`s experience and his words, but she was too used to be kept in the dark by Edward. Too used to be told ensurences and half truth to calm her down. And there was another thing that kept her mind in a death grip.

She knew from the Cullen's that large numbers in Covens were unlikely that they for themselves were one of the biggest on the earth. So even then the pack and Jasper would outnumber any threat. But would they have the upper hand in experience too? Most of the wolves were still young, had never even meet a vampire besides Jasper for real, not to mention fought one. What if they got harmed or worse, died in a fight protecting her. It would be worse than dying herself. And she didn`t even want to think about if this happens to Jasper or Jacob. The pictures she had seen in her dream was still vivid in her memory. It had branded itself in her mind when he had told her what was likely going on. How could she just go on with her life waiting constantly for a call from Jacob that something had happened?

"Bella, your emotions are giving me a headache! Tell me what is going on inside you, please!"

"I don`t know, Jasper! I don`t want to talk about!"  
"Don`t do this, Bella! don`t shut me out! I can feel it eating you up from inside you! Please don`t fall in your old habits! Remember what happened that last time!"

Memories of her life before Jasper had come back again flowded her mind with his words and she flinched.

"What do you want to hear Jasper? How do you want me to deal?"

"Just talk about it! Besides asking if I meet Jacob you never talk about it or make so much as a comment! This can`t be everything! I can feel that this is not everything! It is boiling inside you even if you numb it down! I know your methods, I have experienced them before, please trust me and let me in!"

"You are in!" A desperate voice screamed silently at him. "You are so deep in that you...that I..." her voice broke and she looked outside the window. "I know you told me a thousand times you can take care of yourself and me, but what if not? What if something happens? What if something happens to the pack or worse! You are more or less willingly into this, but what if she strikes at the school, or what if Charlie is alone at home.." Pure panic broke out of her now while she spoke her fear aloud.

Jasper stopped the car at the side of the road.

"Sh, you know that the wolves are watching Charlie, too. And for the school, it is much unlikely. The chaos she would create would be more to our advantage than to hers!" Jasper's voice told her firm and matter of factly.

"Our advantage? Chaos? Are you insane?! Do you want to make me think that if someone dies or gets hurt at least it wasn`t me? Should I start to make a statistic of casualties? That's what they are called, aren`t they? War casualties! Is that what my life is going to be now? A war zone?"

Now it was on Jasper to flinch over her words.

"That`s not what I meant, and you know it! But speaking about it, do you feel alive? Because I am starting to get the feeling you are going back to the `just going through the motions`sheme! You are shutting down more and more! This was the most livid reactions you had in the last days!" Jasper sighted "I just want to help you Bella! We are just trying to protect your life, but it is on you to actually live it!" His voice was soft and tender again and his eyes gazed over at her and called her bluff.

She took a deep breath before she spoke, or more whispered.

"I don`t know how! I don`t know how to just go on and feel like nothing happens! I would love to ignore it!"

Jasper's hand stroke over her hair and she leaned into his touch. She had come along of it in the last days. It was the only thing she allowed herself. The events made it impossible to ignore her emotions to herself in that matter anymore. She knew after her outbreak of her nightmare, after her sobbing and begging him to never leave her, she wouldn`t be able to just go back and lie to herself. She knew he must have felt what was going on inside her at this point because the thought alone to loose him had forced her with a never known power to look at the picture for what it was. Still she won`t call them for it. She merely acknowledge them but she won`t phrase it in words. They were too raw, too uncontrolled, too confusing to do that. And they scared her. They probably scared her more than the whole life threatening situation she was in. There was no way that Jasper would feel anything close to what she was about to develop for him. How could he! He might feel for her as a sister, as family, but that was it. And she understood that. And she wouldn`t want it differently! She never want to travel that road again! It only lead to hearth-break and misery. No, acknowledging it and phrasing it out would only start the events that led to her downfall again. They were doomed from the beginning! And with him it was even worse. She needed to guard them constantly inside her, numb them and shove them deep down. Jasper wouldn`t need for her to name them, he could just pick them up while she felt them. And she feared to much for him to leave her like Edward did before when her emotions got the better of her. She knew he wouldn`t abandom her know reagarding the situation she was in but what was afterwards? That was if there would be one!

But she craved for his softness and caring at this point. These thoughts just made her lean into him more. She couldn`t help herself especially after the events of the last days, and after seeing his liveless body laying in front of her everytime she closed her eyes.

"You`ll get through this! I promise, darlin`!"

His tender voice brought her back and out of her thoughts again. God how much she wished he would stop calling her things like darling or love. It would made it a lot simpler to hide her feelings and the rising hearth beat everytime he did so. She didn`t know why he hadn`t said or mentioned anything by now but she was grate full for it.

"Let`s go, I have an idea!" An excited grin was suddenly in Jaspers face as he started his car again.

Minutes later they were in the garage of the house his apartment was in.

"What are we doing here?" Bella asked him irritated getting out of the car with him.

"Reminding you how it feels like to be truly alive!" He had walked in on of the corners while he spoke his words. Reaching his destination he pulled a sheet off something and revealed a black motorbike. She might not know a lot about them, but it was beautiful. As beautiful as a bike could be. But the promise it hold made it a vision. Still she was confused.

"You have a motorcycle?"

"Honey, I am riding bikes longer than you have been alive!"

"But why did you never say anything?"

Jasper took a short breath remembering the reason why he had been too afraid to tell her and even more afraid to have her ride with him.

"Let`s just say I was waiting for the right moment! I have the feeling this is it!"

He took the helmet and threw it towards her. Surprisingly for her she was able to catch it. She remembered how it felt the last time she did it. Remembered the feelings that were running through her. Yes, it definitely would take her mind of things. A smile formed on her lips while she made her way towards him and take her seat behind him.

"Hold on tide!"

* * *

**A/N: Ok, this is it, I know it is not much and I had some other things in mind but i needed to update at this point to get some of my pressure off me! I hope you still like it and I try my best not to wait with another update this long the next time (for my own sake too lol)**


	16. Chapter 16

_**I don`t own twilight**_

**A./N: I am sorry, I know I said I would update sooner, but I am at my parents right now and I havn`t that much time to write, and go online on top of it!**

**So, this is for my brother, who was kind enough to finally let me have a little time at his pc ;) Still love you if you don`t, but it makes me more grateful and a happy me is a nicer me ;)**

**Also thanks again for every review! Your kind words make me go through my day, especially right now considering the circumstances lol**

**And to Megan, it is just much more fun doing this with you! Thanks for everything! Cheers ;)  
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* * *

  
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"Hold on tight!"

Her eyes widen at his words. She hadn`t thought about this when she made her decision. But before she could think any further and change it Jasper had already started his machine.

There was no way she could deny the promise this sound made. It was a mechanic purr that growled and screamed for freedom and its vibrations already ruled it through her system. Her arms were around him in a second.

"You are ready?"

"As ready as I ever will be!"

"Good! Enjoy!"

And with that they were outside and speed over the asphalt.

The first minute Bella needed to adjust everything that awoke in her, needed to wear off her fear. But it didn`t take long. She knew she was save with him, knew that even if he wouldn`t have his highly alerted senses, he would never let something happen to her. And after all, didn`t he say he was riding bikes for over 2 decades now. Feeling what she was feeling right know, she could understand why. She understood the need for speed he and the Cullen's had and sympathized herself with it. It was different on a bike. The adrenaline shooting through her veins, the wind breezing around her and the sound and vibration underneath was exhilarating. It sent her on an emotional roller coaster and lifted her high above everything while at the same time it awoke every cell in her body deep inside and set it on fire.

Shifting on her seat she leaned closer towards him. Her head came to rest on his shoulders and her grip tightened even more. She clung to him until she got aware of her more and more freezing cold hands. Before she even realized what she was doing she pulled at his shirt and tucked them under it. But coming in contact with his skin an electric bolt shooting through her, reminded her. She took a sharp breath and swallowed hard. Jasper had stiffened for a second too and she wasn`t sure if she had heard him clear his throat but the next moment she didn`t care anymore. This was what this is all about. Getting careless, forgetting what was around her, what was going on, stopping to think and just be free. So she did stop thinking, stopped debating with herself and let it all go. More specific let her hands go. Jasper took a sharp turn and she had no chance but to deepen the grip. Feeling his abs she got aware that this was the first time she ever did feel some. It was, nice, a lot more than nice! And she became the feeling that even if she would have been in a similar possition like this before, they still wouldn`t come close to Jaspers. Evenn if he was colder then the wind, this feeling she got was fire warming her up in an instant. Her hands began a life of their own while she explored the soften hard skin under them and she closed her eyes. Taking in another deep breath his scent swirled around her and she couldn`t help but pressing herself even closer to his back.

God, the feelings he awoke in her.

She was slightly aware that he felt them too, that he could read her but it didn`t matter. She could blame them all on the sensation of the ride later and that she lost herself in it. She didn`t care right now. She was free. There was no later, there was just now. And right now she wanted this. No, she needed this.

Far to soon for her taste their ride ended and she realized him slowing down. She got aware of her surroundings again and recognized the parking lot of a car dealer. In an instant she had her hands back under con troll and pulled them off him. She nearly jumped off the bike when they pulled up completely which wasn`t such a smart idea. Her legs were still weaken from the ride and her knees gave in. She felt herself stumble but before anything happened he had pulled her up again.

"Careful darlin`!" He grinned at her and it sent another pleasant shiver down her spin. Getting herself together again she pulled herself free once more and turned around embarrassed. She knew he was watching her intensely but ignored it with every fiber of her body and preyed he wouldn`t comment what happened only minutes ago.

`Just keep it together girl! Act like it would be nothing and don`t give him even so much as an inch!`

"What are we doing here?" She deflected her thoughts looking around once more.

"Well, I thought it would be time to buy another bike!"

"But you have already one!"

"So?" He asked her irritated "I also have one shirt, doesn`t mean there is no use of a second one!"

Being reminded about the word `shirt`and what lays under it made her eyes widen once again.

`Stop it! You are not on the bike anymore! What are you? A teenage hormone bomb?`

`Well, technically...`

She could almost feel herself rolling eyes on herself and shoke her head to stop her thoughts in the track.

"Ok, clothes and bikes or cars can`t hardly be considered as the same thing! I mean you can`t ride both at once! Do you want to change them everyday like your outfit?"

"Why not? Do you think I had only one bike before? I like having an assortment! Also I won`t be riding them alone!"

"What do you mean?" She turned around and dared in his eyes having a feeling she knew pretty good were this was going.

"Well, as far as I know you don`t have one for your own and I thought it could actually be fun for you to be able to ..."

"You want to buy a bike for me?!" She nearly yelled at him cutting him off.

"No, I want to buy one for myself and plainly giving you the option to use it as you wish!"

Her mouth clapped open and shot again too stunned to actually say anything.

"Look, I am not spending money here on you! I am only getting back what was once in my possession before I left it behind!"

`Great, here we go again, he pulled the `I left everything with the Cullen's card`! How am I supposed to go around this?!`

"We are already here! You know I will do it anyway, so why don`t you help me with it? I really could use a second opinion!"

Again she couldn`t say anything so he used his chance to go on persuading her.

"How about this, I make you a deal, if you can make me believe that you lost interest in motorcycles and can`t understand where I am coming from here, we will go!"

"That`s not fair!"

"That`s what I thought!" He smiled triumphal.

"Why do you have to dump that on me? You know I don`t feel comfortable with this!"

"Yeah, you will forget that as soon as you are sitting on the bike again! And I know you want to do this, don`t try to deny it!" His knowing tune in his voice while he spoke made her plea once more that he won`t go where she thought this could be going. But in the end it was her own mind that didn`t listen to her silent preys and pulled her right back to the emotions and feelings she had while sitting behind him.

"Look, there are only two options here! Either you help me pick out a bike right now which I will buy for myself and lean you once or twice to use it or.." His grin grew thinking about the second one. "or, we will have to share mine like we did coming here whenever we want to, uh, do this again!"

He unleashed a devilish sexy smirk on her and was suddenly standing behind her. The sudden closure was enough to nearly make her knees buckle. She hadn`t expected that. But to be fair, even if she would have expected it, there was no way she could have primed herself. His scent was once again all around her and she could feel his head leaning closer towards the side of hers sending goose bumps down her spine. She let herself go again unable to stop since she had opened the wall under all the stress she were dealing with in the past days. Her breath came out in low short gasps and then to top it all his voice started to whisper in her ear.

"To be honest darlin` I am hoping it will be the second option! Having you so close behind me on my bike letting your scent clouding me smelling the adrenaline and delight you felt in it, and feeling precisely every thing you are - letting every single emotion of your wash over me and becoming my own is intoxicating!"

She would have been completely lost by his little act right now and letting herself fall back and lean at his chest wouldn`t his words suddenly sink in and unfold their meaning.

`feeling precisely everything you are`

But before panic could rise he spoke again lessen his previous revelation and stopping her panic in the track.

"You made me feel like I would be alive too! Let me give this back to you! You have no idea how much this means to me!"

His now soft and tender voice and his last words sent the final nail in her coffin and sealed it.

His words warmed her inside and let her hearth speed for a moment. She could hear in his voice how important this was for him, could feel how grateful he was and that this was not only about her. She realized in this moment why people liked making presents, remembered why she did like doing so and how unfair it was to deny this to others and made them go through a hard time.

She knew he had the money and she knew he would buy one anyway. Why don`t go with it and let her be part of it, if it was so important for him.

She nodded her head in agreement and stepped a bit away from him while turning around.

"Ok, lets do this!" She smiled and earned another one from him.

"But that doesn`t mean you get a free card for the future and we will consider the prize like everyone else does!"

"I can accept that! Now, lets look around!"

* * *

It was late at night when they finally decided to go home again. After she had fallen in love with a silver-black model of the Suzuki GSR 600 there was no holding her back anymore. She even let Jasper the pleasure to buy her a black biker jacket and a helmet to complete her outfit with her new ride and then they were ready to go. Jasper had bribed the dealer to drive the bike with a truck to a more private place. He had looked sceptical at first but after an exchange of several bank rolls he was happy to help in any way, how he had put it.

When they reached their destination it was at Jasper to be sceptical himself when it came to letting Bella drive by herself. He remembered suddenly that he never had seen her riding one himself and she had done it only once before. Maybe this hadn`t been such a good idea. Wasn`t he supposed to keep her out of danger and alive instead of doing the exact opposite? His thoughts had stopped in the track when he saw her. The black leather jacket and her new helmet matcher her perfectly and when she climbed on the bike and kick started it like she had done this her whole life he nearly fell off his. She was a natural and he suddenly got aware of another reason why he loved the girl so much. She was downright sexy. And there were a thousand pictures and situation he could picture her with him in a similar position.

But of course he stopped that thought in a track, too. The last days had changes a lot when it came to Bella, him and their relationship to one and another. Bella's guard had come down at a numbers of times. Mostly every time when they had found their self in a more proximate situation. Which she had let themselves be in more and more often. He realized that the situation she was in, the terror and fear she had to feel even if she wouldn't show it got her to crave for his caring and kindness. His first plan to lure her out of her shield and get her to realize and more admit her feelings had taken a complete different direction now that he had a clearer picture of them and the environment had changed.

He had sensed her fear. Had sensed the reason why she was shielding herself from him. She needed time. Time to trust not only in her own feelings but into the knowledge that he really was nothing like Edward. She still was afraid to be left behind again but more than that she was afraid of love in general. She was afraid to be betrayed by it and even if he would have been able to push her and entice her out of the shadows, he wouldn't be able to push her over that fear. She wasn't ready yet. But not for him, she wasn't ready to show weakness again, weakness in her guard, her shield and her wall around her hearth. She was afraid to give it away horrified that she wont survive another rejection and heartbreak. All Jasper could do was to make her realize that he won't lead her there. And after all if there was one thing he had enough of and could give her completely it was time. He could give her all the time she needed and he would wait forever if it meant that he could hold her so close and get even closer to her in the process. He would show her in the small things how he felt for her and that he was there and always would be. Words meant nothing to her when it came to that any more because words and promises had been broken before. So he would let his actions speak for him.

And this was their silent deal they had made. Not to phrase it, not to speak it out aloud and just let time show them were to go from here. He shouldn't have wondered that she might think about it this way. She was a fan of the classic after all and wasn't it her favourite author Jane Austen that wondered regarding to phrasing out love when it stood at the beginning `that it might nourishes what is strong already. But if it be only a slight, thin sort of inclination, I am convinced that one good sonnet will starve it entirely away.`

And this was how it was supposed to be after all. He didn't want them to have a rebound relationship, didn't want an all consuming love that burned everything around them and probably them along with it. And that might be happening if she would jump into it without hesitation and thinking. He wanted to nourish a strong slow growing affection. Because this was the kind of feeling a true and long-term love would need to be built on. They were already on the way to get there. While love on the first sight might be the stuff fairytale were made of, they had already walked that road and look what it had brought them. They had both trusted in it blindly and followed the promises they had been given just to be left broken in the end. He could understand why she was hiding from it, it had taken him long himself to see what was happening around and to accept it. And not just the emotions but the heartbreak before. Because this was what had brought them together and given him the opportunity to start new and found something so special and unique that he would never want to leave it behind again. He didn't need a fortune teller to show him the future, he knew it for himself. She was it. He could feel it. And sooner or later she would too. And when that happened he wouldn't draw the line like Edward had done it. He realised it when he saw what really happened the day he lost it in the cafeteria. She had touched the daemon inside of him and it had recognized it, too, had recognized her and had seen her for what she was. What she will be. And that's why she had been able to beat him back and ruled him out. That's why he didn't lust for her blood any more the way he had before. She wasn't just human any more. The daemon inside him had claimed her already and bowed down before her, he had sawn her as his equal not the human but the woman beside him. He would give her eternity if she wanted to because he sure as hell did. He got the more and more the feeling that she would vote in his favour when the right time came and he was selfish enough to take her up on it. And with eternity in front of him he had all the time in the world. And so would she, he would make sure of it and not even that red-headed bitch would take that away from him.

He had enjoyed watching and even more feeling her emotions this afternoon. She had been in an perfect bliss riding her bike next to him and being just. And deep down he had wished that she would have made her move already and came to her decision because it would have meant that they wouldn't have to stop when the night came. But he let it go the second the thought entered his mind and let patience once again win.

They had made their way back and stored her bike next to his in his garage and taken his car back to Charlie in harmonic silence.

But the second they had arrived reality had reached them once again and hit them in their face the moment they got out of the car.

"Where have you been?"

An angry Jacob yelled t him and earned a low growl in return.

"Stop that shit! What is the use in changing cell numbers if none of you picks it up when I call?"

"Jesus, Jacob, calm down already!" Jasper finally hissed sending waves of calmness towards him. Jasper looked at Bella and saw the smile leaving her face.

"Please don't be mad, Jake! Jasper and I just had some fun this afternoon!"

"Oh did you?! And while doing so, did you thought a second about how I might feel when I couldn't reach any of the both of you?" He spat at her and that was enough for Jasper to snap. Jacobs anger had gotten the better of him and combined with his own he was inforntof him in and instant.

"Don't you dare to ever speak to her like this again, dog!"

He spat in his face and Jacob lost focus.

"Or what, leach?" But before the situation could escalate they heard Bella's desperate plea.

"Please don't! Not today! Not now, please, Jasper!"

Both got aware of her again and turned towards around, taking a step away from each other.

"I am sorry, Bella! I didn't mean to, but I was really scared something happened!" Jacob told her sincerely.

"You know I was with her!" Jasper told him calmly.

"Yeah! Still, I ..." Jacob struggled for words and got more and more anxious. He took a look towards the woods before he turned back to them again.

"Jacob?" Bella's voice was panicking. She read his reactions and could only think about one thing that would make Jacob act this way.

"I think it is better if we would go inside!" Jacob finally told them exchanging a look with Jasper.

"Jacob?!" Ball's voice was more demanding now. "Did something happen? Did you.." She couldn't bring herself to say it but it was clear for the both of them what she meant. Another look was shared between Jasper and Jacob before he answered her again.

"We really should talk inside Bella!"

"Oh god, was anyone hurt? Did Victoria..." She was panicking completely at this point and Jasper had his arm around her the next moment and calmed her down.

"Everything is fine, Bella!" Jacob ensured her while both of them gathered her inside the house. Jasper sat her on the couch and hold her even closer to him while Jacob remained standing.

"What happened?" Jasper finally asked him.

"Quil and Embry ran into her this afternoon while they made their rounds."

A sharp breath was taken by Bella and she hide her face in Jasper's chest.

"Are they..?"

"No, they will be fine! Nothing major!"

"But they are hurt?"

"Sh, calm down, darlin`!" Jasper smoothed her before Jacob continued.

"She wasn't looking for a fight, Quil said it looked more like she would be checking the territory but when they smelled her scent they went after her and, well, they kinda jumped her, but they are fine, Bella!" He again ensured her trying to tell them what happened but not upsetting her at the same time.

"Did they.. is she dead?" A flicker of hope entered her but she knew the answer before he told her. He wouldn't have acted the way he did if she was.

"No, she got away! The rest of the pack patrolling saw it in their mind and came running to them to help but she was able to get away again before they arrived!"

"So, you telling me that Embry and Quil both got into a fight with her and none of them is hurt?" Bella asked him again getting a bit impatient with his act.

"Well, not exactly, but like I said it is nothing major! She kinda broke Embrys arm and Quil has a few cuts from her claws.."

there was again a sharp breath taken by Bella and a small sob escaped her lips.

"Don't freak Bella! I told you, we heal pretty fast! Quill is alright already and a broken arm is nothing to worry about! Embry will be like new tomorrow!"

"I am so sorry!" Bella whimpered.

"Don't do this, Bella! This is not your fault!"

"Isn't it?! And here I thought she was after me and I am pulling you all into this with me!" Her desperate and broken words answered him.

"Bella, stop it! You are not dragging us anywhere! This is what we do, if she would be after you or not it would be still our job!" Jacob got firm while Jasper still rubbed her back and stayed silent concentrating to help her with his gift while letting Jacob the chance to do so with his words.

"We are fighters and our kind and tribe fights these battles for generations now! We are honored to do so and not dragged around or even forced! We stick together, Bella, this is what we do! We stick together and we are not turning our back at this! Please don't feel guilty! This has nothing to do with you, in the bigger picture we would do this anyway! Even if it wasn't Victoria, there would be something else! That is why we exist! This is not your fault! Believe me, nothing of this is your fault! You are the victim in this and we will protect you! And to be honest, Embry and Quill are kinda bragging around after what happened! Even if they are at the same time ashamed that they weren't able to end it and she got away! No one blames you! Please believe me this!"

Jacobs words and Jasper's calming stabilised her more but before they could talk more about it they heard Charlies car.

"I think it is better if I leave! Charlie might be surprised to find me here! I didn't came with my car and Sam expects me back anyway! I kinda waited for you a little longer than expected!"

"I am sorry, Jacob if..." Bella started again but was cut short.

"It's ok! You are alright and that's all that matters! I don't think she will be back tonight, Embry got to her good, too, and I think she might lay low at least for tonight but we will still staying close to the house!" Jacob told her while they got to the back door. He gave Jasper another look and he rolled his eyes over his unspoken question.

"You know I will stay with her!" Jasper told him matter of factly not also towards Jacob but more to Bella. The underlying tune didn't went by Jacob but he didn't comment on it.

"Make sure you have your cell on in the future!" He told him instead and was outside the second Charlie opened the front door.


End file.
